Fear

[Tara17]

Lost my father one month ago. Sudden . Still in shock. He was older so people just tell me it’s the ‘natural order’. But he was so active and healthy that I still cannot accept this sudden death. Cannot sleep. Wake up every hour at night thinking that I should have taken him to doctor sooner. 
‘what is surprising me is that grief is not just sadness - it is fear, sleeplessness , anxiety, inability to focus , unnamed fear in the early hours of the morning .The guilt is overwhelming - i think if I had taken him to doctor sooner for check up, just didn’t because of covid fear. I wish I had taken him sooner . Cannot sleep . Just keep rewinding his hopsital stay in my mind trying to save him . Do other people experience fear .

[reader]

Dear Tara,

I'm so sorry your loss. Please know all your feelings are natural and normal and part of your grief. I too felt fear and guilt and overwhelming sadness. It's one of life's hardest moments to lose a parent.  I hope these websites will give you additional support in understanding your feelings. Thinking of you. x

What's Your Grief

Grief in Common

Grief Healing Blog

Grief Share

Grief Recovery Method

https://whatsyourgrief.com/anxiety-in-grief/

[steveb]

Tara, I’m so very sorry for the loss of your dad. My wife committed suicide on 31 July 20. I felt the same as you, especially the fear. The fear of going on without my beloved partner who sacrificed so much for me.  I know it’s extremely hard, but you can’t blame yourself.     I hope you can derive some comfort from this forum. God bless, Steve 

[Tara17]

I hope you are getting through each day steve. I just go one day at a time 

[DaedalanEcho]

Tara,

I lost my mom in April and I've felt sadness, anger, regret.  I also keep replaying the scenario, wondering what would have happened if I got her to the doctor's sooner, or taken her complaints more seriously.  All of what you're feeling is to be expected.  Our parents played such an important role in our lives and it's hard to conceive that they are no longer there.

I find comfort in the thought that I can honor my mom's memory through my actions, and in this way, there is still a part of her on this planet.

Please take care of yourself and thank you for sharing.

-Vance

[Caleb]

I’m not equip to give advice to anyone grieving. All I can do is share my story. I lost my dad April 19. I miss him so much. My brain cannot fully comprehend what just happened. 

[avillageofbigheads]

Hello Caleb, 

     I hope you go through this pain and come out with all the good memories of your Dad. it is painful. this grieving process is Very painful. But I'm sure your Dad is up there looking down on you. He wants you to smile. Wants you to be happy. So every day try. 

I found this video helpful for me. 
 

 

[AliceOliver2017]

Tara, what you said resonates with me. I thought I'd just be terribly sad about my mom. I'm angry and overwhelmed easily, can't sleep, hate socializing, and still wake up thinking about getting through the day so I can go back to sleep. It wasn't like I thought it would be. I miss her, i believe she is ok, I just want my pain to stop now that hers has. The anxiety! I think about how long i'll last for my young child. I think about what I want to do with the rest of my life. and everyone around me has moved on, they don't ask much anymore, they don't seem to believe my curtness or seriousness is merited in my opinion. She was old, but she was my mom and i'm sad all the time. Don't get me started how exhausted I am, I put on a happy show for my child and that leaves me exhausted by bedtime. I can't talk or be in the same room with my partner after our child is in bed. I had a miscarriage a few weeks before I lost my mom, and at my age it's too late to keep trying. I didn't think I'd lose both ya know? I thought, it would be too much to lose my "person" and a pregnancy at once. And if it didn't happen that way! Here I am 3.5 months later, thinking one of these weeks it'll start feeling easier. Still waiting, seeing my counselor, got a journal, exercising blah blah blah. I think the pain is just what it is. I don't care if that's the life cycle, it hurts bad.