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i lost my dog and i don't know how to live anymore


JooHyun

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JooHyun

I had him for 8 years since i was 11.

He was the best thing that had ever happened to me, and the only living thing that I'll ever EVER love.

He died from cancer few days ago despite our family doing everything to keep him alive.

I have depression and anxiety and Louis(with a silent s) was my only reason to live.

I... i just miss him so much and i don't know what to do, how to live anymore. I can't believe he's really gone and this breaks me so much and i feel like I'll never be happy again. Please help...

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I am so sorry that anyone else has to go through this, I went through cancer with my sweet beautiful dog, Arlie, nearly two years ago, one of the hardest things I've ever been through.  It helped me to write memories of him down here:

And our cancer journey here:

Here are some other links which may help you as you go through this grief process.  We do eventually begin to adjust to the unthinkable as our bodies are resilient, but it takes much time and very painful, but we never stop loving them, I miss him to this day!
 

http://www.griefhealing.com/comfort-grieving-animal-lovers.htm
A Dangerous Villain: Guilt
http://www.pet-loss.net/guilt.shtml
http://www.griefhealing.com/article-loss-and-the-burden-of-guilt.htm
https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2019/08/pet-loss-when-guilt-overshadows-grief.html
https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2017/07/pet-loss-when-guilt-goes-unresolved.html

I hope this short video brings you some comfort and peace.

 

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JooHyun

Does it get better though? i can't feel anything, i just keep crying even in public and i can't eat i just want to sleep and forget everything. I should focus on my studies but i can't.  I see him, hear him everywhere but he's not there.

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AJWCat

It does NOT seem like it will get better. I was so devastated losing my cat very horribly and suddenly - I thought my depression and anguish would never end. It was very slow. It takes time to grieve and to learn to live without them. So, yes, it will get better, again it just takes time and patience. You will start to have an hour here and there were you can focus. And then it will grow from there. Less crying. Memories will be happier and less painful. 

I wish I could give you some tip to make it easier or go faster or something, but I can't. You can only go through grief not around it.  

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11 hours ago, JooHyun said:

Does it get better though?

Eventually it dulls into something more tolerable that we can carry, I have learned to coexist with my grief.  I lost my husband nearly 16 years ago and in the beginning I was in shock, no clarity of mind, grief fog, anxious, upset, it was unreal!  I can't say WHEN it will begin to shift as we're all different in how we handle things (even our family placement probably factors in, as well as our personality, etc.) and adjust/cope, but yes, in the beginning we can't wrap our heads around it...but in time I learned to coexist with my grief.  I've lost my parents, my sister, 24 dogs/cats, friends, cousin, aunts/uncles, niece, nephew, my life is about loss/grief it seems.  I wrote this at about ten years out from losing my husband, it's basically what I've learned in a nutshell, and although it was written with loss of spouse in mind, it can be applied to other losses as well.  The two things that helped me the most in my early grief was 1) Learning to take one day at a time 2) Practicing the art of LOOKING FOR GOOD, embracing it, which taught me to live in the present moment, not comparing to the past (as comparisons are real joy-killers, devaluing what is in lieu of expecting what is no more) learning to look for the little joys now that my big joy is gone.

I want to share an article I wrote of the things I've found helpful over the years, in the hopes something will be of help to you either now or on down the road.

TIPS TO MAKE YOUR WAY THROUGH GRIEF

There's no way to sum up how to go on in a simple easy answer, but I encourage you to read the other threads here, little by little you will learn how to make your way through this.  I do want to give you some pointers though, of some things I've learned on my journey.

  • Take one day at a time.  The Bible says each day has enough trouble of it's own, I've found that to be true, so don't bite off more than you can chew.  It can be challenging enough just to tackle today.  I tell myself, I only have to get through today.  Then I get up tomorrow and do it all over again.  To think about the "rest of my life" invites anxiety.
  • Don't be afraid, grief may not end but it evolves.  The intensity lessens eventually.
  • Visit your doctor.  Tell them about your loss, any troubles sleeping, suicidal thoughts, anxiety attacks.  They need to know these things in order to help you through it...this is all part of grief.
  • Suicidal thoughts are common in early grief.  If they're reoccurring, call a suicide hotline.  I felt that way early on, but then realized it wasn't that I wanted to die so much as I didn't want to go through what I'd have to face if I lived.  Back to taking a day at a time.  Suicide Hotline - Call 1-800-273-8255 or www.crisis textline.org or US and Canada: text 741741 UK: text 85258 | Ireland: text 50808
  • Give yourself permission to smile.  It is not our grief that binds us to them, but our love, and that continues still.
  • Try not to isolate too much.  
  • There's a balance to reach between taking time to process our grief, and avoiding it...it's good to find that balance for yourself.  We can't keep so busy as to avoid our grief, it has a way of haunting us, finding us, and demanding we pay attention to it!  Some people set aside time every day to grieve.  I didn't have to, it searched and found me!
  • Self-care is extremely important, more so than ever.  That person that would have cared for you is gone, now you're it...learn to be your own best friend, your own advocate, practice self-care.  You'll need it more than ever.
  • Recognize that your doctor isn't trained in grief, find a professional grief counselor that is.  We need help finding ourselves through this maze of grief, knowing where to start, etc.  They have not only the knowledge, but the resources.
  • In time, consider a grief support group.  If your friends have not been through it themselves, they may not understand what you're going through, it helps to find someone somewhere who DOES "get it". 
  • Be patient, give yourself time.  There's no hurry or timetable about cleaning out belongings, etc.  They can wait, you can take a year, ten years, or never deal with it.  It's okay, it's what YOU are comfortable with that matters.  
  • Know that what we are comfortable with may change from time to time.  That first couple of years I put his pictures up, took them down, up, down, depending on whether it made me feel better or worse.  Finally, they were up to stay.
  • Consider a pet.  Not everyone is a pet fan, but I've found that my dog helps immensely.  It's someone to love, someone to come home to, someone happy to see me, someone that gives me a purpose...I have to come home and feed him.  Besides, they're known to relieve stress.  Well maybe not in the puppy stage when they're chewing up everything, but there's older ones to adopt if you don't relish that stage.
  • Make yourself get out now and then.  You may not feel interest in anything, things that interested you before seem to feel flat now.  That's normal.  Push yourself out of your comfort zone just a wee bit now and then.  Eating out alone, going to a movie alone or church alone, all of these things are hard to do at first.  You may feel you flunked at it, cried throughout, that's okay, you did it, you tried, and eventually you get a little better at it.  If I waited until I had someone to do things with I'd be stuck at home a lot.
  • Keep coming here.  We've been through it and we're all going through this together.
  • Look for joy in every day.  It will be hard to find at first, but in practicing this, it will change your focus so you can embrace what IS rather than merely focusing on what ISN'T.  It teaches you to live in the present and appreciate fully.  You have lost your big joy in life, and all other small joys may seem insignificant in comparison, but rather than compare what used to be to what is, learn the ability to appreciate each and every small thing that comes your way...a rainbow, a phone call from a friend, unexpected money, a stranger smiling at you, whatever the small joy, embrace it.  It's an art that takes practice and is life changing if you continue it.
  • Eventually consider volunteering.  It helps us when we're outward focused, it's a win/win.

(((hugs))) Praying for you today.

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