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I've lost so much in the past few years


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Carol Klotz

I'm an only child. In 2004 and 2006, I lost my dad and my mom. In 2017, I lost my husband. A social worker talked me into moving from my own apartment to a personal care home. In the process, I lost my car and all my possessions, including my furniture, my computer, my TV and stereo, and my engagement ring. By 2021, I still was not over grieving all those losses. The personal care home, where I at least had my own room which was big enough to stretch out my yoga mat and do yoga every day. I had acquired a new TV and about 60 yoga dvds to help me practice. In March 2021, the personal care home closed. I had the choice to go to another personal care home or my own apartment. Not having any furniture, I chose to go to another personal care home. Big mistake. The bed is lumpy. There's no room to stretch out my yoga mat. I hate the food. I hate the mealtimes: lunch is at 11 AM and dinner is at 3:30 PM. I can't wait to get out of here. I want my independence but I'm 65 years old now. I don't know that I can handle carrying my laundry to the laundry room and buying a week's worth of groceries at a time. I'm scared of being lonely. I used to go to support group meetings but without my car, and the current COVID climate, that doesn't seem possible anymore. I miss my husband and the companionship of marriage. No, I don't belong to a church. I'm not a Christian. I have a therapist who I meet with once a week but it doesn't seem like my life is getting any better, or that she is helping me anymore. I miss going to state parks on Sundays with my husband. I have no transportation. It's been months since I've been out of this house except to go to doctor's appointments. I have no life and not much hope of ever having one again. I know I need some people in my life but this isn't even my hometown. I never felt at home here and would give alot to move back to my hometown, which is 85 miles away. I had a sense of belonging there that I never had here. The local mental health agency closed my case against my wishes and when I called them back I need to wait 2 weeks for an appointment just to talk to somebody for an hour. I don't know what to do. And I have health problems: arthritis in both knees so I wake up in pain every morning. I take medication for that but it seems like it's not working as well as it used to. I'm also diabetic and am finding the diet they're feeding me is not the fresh fruits and vegetables and whole grains that I should have. Now it looks like I'll be looking into moving to my own apartment, if I can manage that, and I'm not so sure I can.

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reader

Dear Carol,

I'm sorry to hear how you are feeling and all the things you are going through. It's very hard.

Please know you are not alone. There are many good support groups online right now and some on Facebook. 

This website Grief in Common offers Zoom support groups and one on one support.

I hope your social worker or other community supports can help you make a choice where you are comfortable and happy.

Thinking of you.

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Kevin8988

Deat Carol,

Thank you for sharing your thoughts.  I want to give you a hug.  I am in a similiar situation where I have to live in a strange city I don't belong to (in order to take care of my mother), and there is no way out.

I have no friends here, and I don't like the people around here,  but I have no choice.  I live day to day with no hope.  I don't get along with my mother, but I still have to do my duty as a son.  After this, I can be finally live my own life, but I may be too old then.  

Thanks to the previous poster.  I maybe trying out the zoom support group on Zoom.  I am a introvert and quiet person, and now I am even too depressed to speak, it doesn't matter if I speak or not anymore.  But at least I can listen on Zoom meeting sessions.  Thanks.

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Carol Klotz

Thanks for reaching out. Your situation does sound alot like mine. I too am an introvert and quiet person. I may also check out the zoom support group. The WiFi where I live now is terrible--yesterday I couldn't even have an online session with my therapist. I just want to get out of here but because my former landlord charged me almost $4,000 to get rid of my possessions in my apartment, something I didn't even find out about until after the fact, and I have to start paying it back even though I'm on Social Security. That situation is going to make it harder for me to get another apartment. I have alot of grief over losing all my possessions as well as my car. I feel hopeless about my future right now.

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steveb

Hello Carol  … I’ll be praying for you. Please don’t lose hope. Hugs, Steve. 

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Suzanne Cooke

Carol, don't give up!  I am 70.  When my husband died I lost everything.  We lived with his father, who died within 2 weeks of Mark's death.  His sister arrived 2 days later and told me the house had been sold and I had to leave. I somehow got referred to Adult Protective Services. They swooped in, found an apartment I could afford on my Social Security, arranged for movers (that they paid for) and referred me to counseling.  There was really nothing to move but some clothes, some kitchen stuff, and my bed.

I am also diabetic.  My arthritis in my knees and hips has put me in a wheelchair.  Check with your medicare provider.  Mine has transportation service to/from medical appointments.

There are delivery services that will bring your groceries.  There are laundry services that will pick up the dirty and bring it back clean.  There are senior centers where you can go for exercise classes, a meal, access to a computer all at no cost. Your phone can access the internet.  Ask your doctor about subsidized prescriptions.  WalMart sells insulin at $25 a bottle.

You don't sound like you need assisted living...you need assistance with living!

All my best wishes are with you. Hugs to you, sweetie.

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