I don’t know how to react

[Perla]

I needed to get advice from someone who doesn’t know me and won’t have prejudgments. I honestly am heart broken and I’ve been doing my best to pretend like everything is okay. On Feb 20,2021 our home burnt down with my dog and her 5 puppies in it. We haven’t been able to find her body nor the last puppy we weren’t able to locate. The other four died with the smoke from the fire. In my heart I feel like she’s gone. I saw how she was with her pups and I know she would have never left them. I’m completely torn from now having to wait for the fire marshal to let us in and we pray something could be saved. My daughter lost everything in there. Don’t get me wrong I’m extremely grateful my family is safe and sound. It’s just been ALOT and taking her puppies to get cremated took more energy out of me. I don’t know what to do. I feel disconnected, heartbroken, vulnerable and numb at the same time. 

[yvo4848]

wow..Not so good. My friend daughter had a home fire lost her two dogs and all her stuff.This is not your fault .Life happens .The smoke killed them they didnt burn to death they feel asleep forever no pain.just so you no they didnt suffer I promise you,You need not feel gulity ,you did nothing wrong.it was a accident.ok now go hug your kids and maybe one day you can get another pet ,when its time ,ok love to you.yvonne I lost my baby dog, she was 15 almost 15.renal failure.

[KayC]

I am so sorry!!  Knowing you are safe is wonderful but it does NOT diminish the fact that you've had grievous losses, especially your dog & puppies, and all of your home & belongings.  I want you to know that what you are feeling is normal in grief, you are not alone.  I lost my husband nearly 16 years go and then my job and pets, followed by mom, sister, friends, more pets.  What you are going through is all at once though and it's a tremendous amount to grapple with!  
I hope you will continue to come here and post/vent/cry/scream, we are here to listen to you and care.  Take one day at a time, may need to break it down to an hour or minute at first.

http://www.griefhealingblog.com/2014/08/grief-understanding-process.html

 

 

https://forums.grieving.com/index.php?/topic/6033-lost-my-cats-to-housefire/&tab=comments#comment-111390https://www.legacy.com/news/coping-with-a-sudden-death/

 

Although I wrote this with loss of spouse in mind, much of it can be applicable to other losses.  It's not a one size fits all, our journeys are unique, some things may apply now, some later, some not.  It's intended with things to consider and to revisit it later on down the road as this journey does evolve.

I want to share an article I wrote of the things I've found helpful over the years, in the hopes something will be of help to you either now or on down the road.

TIPS TO MAKE YOUR WAY THROUGH GRIEF

There's no way to sum up how to go on in a simple easy answer, but I encourage you to read the other threads here, little by little you will learn how to make your way through this.  I do want to give you some pointers though, of some things I've learned on my journey.

• Take one day at a time.  The Bible says each day has enough trouble of it's own, I've found that to be true, so don't bite off more than you can chew.  It can be challenging enough just to tackle today.  I tell myself, I only have to get through today.  Then I get up tomorrow and do it all over again.  To think about the "rest of my life" invites anxiety.
• Don't be afraid, grief may not end but it evolves.  The intensity lessens eventually.
• Visit your doctor.  Tell them about your loss, any troubles sleeping, suicidal thoughts, anxiety attacks.  They need to know these things in order to help you through it...this is all part of grief.
• Suicidal thoughts are common in early grief.  If they're reoccurring, call a suicide hotline.  I felt that way early on, but then realized it wasn't that I wanted to die so much as I didn't want to go through what I'd have to face if I lived.  Back to taking a day at a time.  Suicide Hotline - Call 1-800-273-8255 or www.crisis textline.org or US and Canada: text 741741 UK: text 85258 | Ireland: text 50808
• Give yourself permission to smile.  It is not our grief that binds us to them, but our love, and that continues still.
• Try not to isolate too much.  
• There's a balance to reach between taking time to process our grief, and avoiding it...it's good to find that balance for yourself.  We can't keep so busy as to avoid our grief, it has a way of haunting us, finding us, and demanding we pay attention to it!  Some people set aside time every day to grieve.  I didn't have to, it searched and found me!
• Self-care is extremely important, more so than ever.  That person that would have cared for you is gone, now you're it...learn to be your own best friend, your own advocate, practice self-care.  You'll need it more than ever.
• Recognize that your doctor isn't trained in grief, find a professional grief counselor that is.  We need help finding ourselves through this maze of grief, knowing where to start, etc.  They have not only the knowledge, but the resources.
• In time, consider a grief support group.  If your friends have not been through it themselves, they may not understand what you're going through, it helps to find someone somewhere who DOES "get it". 
• Be patient, give yourself time.  There's no hurry or timetable about cleaning out belongings, etc.  They can wait, you can take a year, ten years, or never deal with it.  It's okay, it's what YOU are comfortable with that matters.  
• Know that what we are comfortable with may change from time to time.  That first couple of years I put his pictures up, took them down, up, down, depending on whether it made me feel better or worse.  Finally, they were up to stay.
• Consider a pet.  Not everyone is a pet fan, but I've found that my dog helps immensely.  It's someone to love, someone to come home to, someone happy to see me, someone that gives me a purpose...I have to come home and feed him.  Besides, they're known to relieve stress.  Well maybe not in the puppy stage when they're chewing up everything, but there's older ones to adopt if you don't relish that stage.
• Make yourself get out now and then.  You may not feel interest in anything, things that interested you before seem to feel flat now.  That's normal.  Push yourself out of your comfort zone just a wee bit now and then.  Eating out alone, going to a movie alone or church alone, all of these things are hard to do at first.  You may feel you flunked at it, cried throughout, that's okay, you did it, you tried, and eventually you get a little better at it.  If I waited until I had someone to do things with I'd be stuck at home a lot.
• Keep coming here.  We've been through it and we're all going through this together.
• Look for joy in every day.  It will be hard to find at first, but in practicing this, it will change your focus so you can embrace what IS rather than merely focusing on what ISN'T.  It teaches you to live in the present and appreciate fully.  You have lost your big joy in life, and all other small joys may seem insignificant in comparison, but rather than compare what used to be to what is, learn the ability to appreciate each and every small thing that comes your way...a rainbow, a phone call from a friend, unexpected money, a stranger smiling at you, whatever the small joy, embrace it.  It's an art that takes practice and is life changing if you continue it.
• Eventually consider volunteering.  It helps us when we're outward focused, it's a win/win.

(((hugs))) Praying for you today.

[Anna J]

I am so so sorry for the loss of your dog, the puppies and everything else that you lost.You are not alone and if I could I would give you and your family the biggest hug and cry with all of you.You need to stay strong now and try to rebuild your life.What happened wasn't your fault,absolutely not.Do not ever believe you had anything to do with the way your dog and her puppies died.Please stay strong  even in your grief.Time will slowly, really slowly heal,eventually it will heal.I am sending you all the strength and all good thoughts that I can muster.Bless you and all your family.

 

[AJWCat]

My heart breaks for you. I am so so sorry to read about this. Only time can heal such a sudden and shocking loss. My experience, even though it seems impossible, is that the pain you are in, will eventually reach a level of peace you can live with. I wish there were other words to comfort you.