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Grieving girlfriend


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Hello everyone.

Last November I met a girl online, she contacted me on a language learning app and we hit it off right away, we were looking for the same things in a partner, had the very same goals and connected instantly, slowly but daily thanks to the virus, we built up on the relationship and she was the most caring and loving girl I've ever met. Sadly on January, the person she considered her father passed away, and in her grief, previous pains came back afloat, it's been a little over a month since that.

At first I had no idea what was going on, my grief is very different from hers and I also had never experienced grief from a partner before, so I made the mistake of making it a bout me the few times, she began grieving her father figure and the abuse she had went through her past relationship, she stopped calling me sweet names, kept texting me a lot but only one liners, I naturally felt like I was suddenly falling down a big chasm. She shut off completely but eventually, when I began to pull away stated that whatever was going on her feelings for me hadn't changed, so I began to read, inform myself on how to best support her. 

Right now she's at a point where she is still not loving, nor connecting with me, rejecting any talk about deeper feelings between us or the future (if everything went well with the virus we had planned for me to visit her in June since the only thing stopping me from traveling are closed borders) and right now she is in a state where she says she doesn't want to heal, doesn't want to get up from the ground, that she's comfortable feeling nothing. I know this isn't about me, it's clear to me and she also makes the effort to not go to sleep without reminding me she loves me no matter how shut off she feels the rest of the day, if i say something sweet she's reciprocate but the only sweetness she initiates is when it's to say good night, sometimes when we wake up too.

I have to say it's really hard on me because I feel powerless and I can only watch, she jumps from "i know I'll be okay" to "I'll feel nothing forever" to "maybe i will maybe I wont" and while i remind her that it's ok and completely normal to feel those things, on the inside it breaks my heart to see her hurting so much. Thanks to the virus many of the things I'd have available to take care of myself are not there, I'd like to set a phone or video date with her to distract her but she doesn't want to, made it clear she's making an effort to reply to me and her best friend, but all I can do is have just idle conversation and listen when she opens up, even if when she opens up I get so worried she says things that feel so empty.

I'd like to be better quipped to support her, but I also need a way to support myself cause this is slowly chipping at me and naturally no one knows how long it's gonna last.

Any advice is welcome, thank you.

 

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yvo4848

gosh you no Her father death is overwhelming enough it sounds like she needs her time...Let it go until she comes around and maybe she won't've do not no.She depressed that her dad passed. So let her contact you. Here the kicker. Time is of the essence.Let her have that time. Hope this helps.

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5 minutes ago, yvo4848 said:

gosh you no Her father death is overwhelming enough it sounds like she needs her time...Let it go until she comes around and maybe she won't've do not no.She depressed that her dad passed. So let her contact you. Here the kicker. Time is of the essence.Let her have that time. Hope this helps.

Thanks for replying!

Yes I actually tried giving her space, suggestedI stay quiet for a few days but she's stated she doesn't need the space and actually feels more comfortable with me acting like usual, she actually contacts me constantly, she just doesn't say much so I just stick to listening to her or just making her feel not alone, what worries me is she keeps jumping from maybe she'll heal, to someday she'll heal, to she doesn't want to heal and it just repeats. She gets a bit sweeter when I remind her she's not going crazy and that the way she's feeling is normal, 

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