Members Melissa Moore Posted February 21, 2021 Members Report Share Posted February 21, 2021 On May 25, 2020 I got the call that changed my life forever. Im not really sure what to say or how to say it. I know that many days I just want to be with him. I will never know what truly happened or why. I just know that for some reason my son became extremely paranoid that the government was after him. I wont go in to the days that lead up to that fateful night but I will tell you that sometime during the night he thought people were trying to get in his house. His wife and kids were already with me but three of my other grandchildren and their Dad were staying the night with him. He woke them up saying he set fire to the attic as people were trying to get in. He told them they would have to get out but had to wait for the paramedics to get them out so the bad people wouldnt get them. My grandchildren and their Dad got out but my son did not leave. He was too afraid and there were no paramedics to get him out. I cant imagine the fear he was in to not leave a burning house. He was a Veteran, just 35. His death certificate says suicide but I know in my heart that is not what he meant to do. Most of the time the pain disables me to the point of wanting to die. I keep going because my grandchildren and children need me. I wish their was a remedy for grief. I wish even more that I could have saved him. Maybe if they lived closer I could have been there. Maybe I could have gotten him help. I trIed the Veterans crisis line twice the days before I lost him. No one would go check on him. The cops that saw him a couple of days before didn't take him in for a psych eval. He was not perfect but he was mine and now I am torn apart from a loss I cannot make sense of. Seems as though my mind is as broken as my heart. Melissa Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members yvo4848 Posted February 22, 2021 Members Report Share Posted February 22, 2021 I has a wife of a bipolar ptsd.I no the feeling my hubby on the correct meds now. I don't no what to say your grief is going to be with you matter of fact it will get you thru the bad times ,You will get better,,I no ,,words >but you will. I lost my dog 2 weeks ago that's why im here, and pets can be people to.Im so sorry your going thru this ,,this is not your fault ..I believe what ever he feared he bought back from the government was all in hes head. He had some problem and no one seemed to care ,I no with my hubby he went off the wall and I was scared ,But I did finally get help ..again time will heal but invite greif in to cry vent ect..it will be ok. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Melissa Moore Posted February 22, 2021 Author Members Report Share Posted February 22, 2021 Thank you. I have three dogs and they are my babies. They have brought me calm these last months. It would be very hard on me to lose any of them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members yvo4848 Posted February 22, 2021 Members Report Share Posted February 22, 2021 Thats wonderful Im sitting here crying over my baby now.I cant imagine losing a child.I never had any due to ,well cant say..but I care about you.ooI want to hug you.yvonne Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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