Members rose15 Posted January 14, 2021 Members Report Share Posted January 14, 2021 Right after the holidays my boyfriend got into a very serious car accident. He ended up passing away in the hospital. I was able to see him one last time and hold his hand. I’m in complete shock. I’m in so much pain and can’t stop crying. I miss him so much and all the memories we shared I keep replaying them in my head. It pains me that I’m not with him anymore. He was my best friend. I went back to work and it’s almost making me feel even worse because I would also call and text him during the days. We had plans to move to New York together and I can’t stop thinking about it. Why him? He was so good. He was so caring and loved me so much, and I loved him. I’m so scared that he’s alone and is sad for leaving me. I’m trying to have faith but it’s really hard. I miss his warmth, his laugh, and everything about him. I’m 22 years old and don’t understand how to do life without him. I feel alone. His friends will be able to go back to their lives and continue doing things to make them happy. I feel like I can’t go back to my life, especially not without him. Will this pain get any more manageable? I’m lonely and so so sad. I’ve never been depressed until now. I genuinely can’t leave my bed, I’m slacking at work, and everything seems like a hard task. I miss him so much. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Diane R. E. Posted January 14, 2021 Members Report Share Posted January 14, 2021 Hello rose15; I am so very sorry for your loss. I've been in the grief process for 3 and 1/2 months, so still fairly new. I hate it that you are here, but you have found a great forum where we all get it. The reason we are here sucks, but please visit often, and read other posts. I remember those first few weeks after my husband died and I would not wish them on anyone. The passage of time does help lessen that extreme, overwhelming pain that makes our chest actually hurt. But initially I thought I would never survive. Like others say in this forum, we take one day or even one minute at a time. You will find good support here. I wish I could take your pain away, but hope you find some small measure of comfort. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members jmmosley53 Posted January 14, 2021 Members Report Share Posted January 14, 2021 Hello rose15, I am very sorry for your loss. I truly understand your pain. I know your mind is struggling to make sense of a situation that does not make sense. I do not mean this as a cruelty but, you will not go back to your old life. That life is gone. What we are all struggling with is how to forge a new life without 'them'. We do not want that new life. It goes against everything. But there is little choice. For now you might forget about the future plans and focus on getting through each day. I used to count eating breakfast as a major accomplishment and if I count get through the bowl of cereal without crying I was doing okay. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Dawn Wms Posted January 14, 2021 Members Report Share Posted January 14, 2021 I am so sorry for your loss and I understand it as much as any of us can understand what another person feels. I also lost the love of my life, my best friend, my husband. It has been almost nine months now. Unfortunately, I can't offer anything other than empathy. It is the worst thing in the world and so hard that I can't believe my heart hasn't just stopped. I do think there is a bright future ahead of you, especially because you are so young, but I understand that you may not see it at this point. It will take time and I don't believe there is any schedule. It is also hard for me to see that virtually everyone has been able to go back to normal life while I can't. I don't think we ever do. Losing someone you love has to change you forever. Just know that we are out there feeling for you. All any of us can do is to survive each day, one at a time. I know you will feel better eventually even if you can't see it now. I still can't, but they keep telling me I will. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Rashell Posted January 14, 2021 Members Report Share Posted January 14, 2021 I am also 22 years old, my boyfriend passed last week, he was murdered. This forum and the people here have been helping a lot. I’ve realized the experiences are much different when you weren’t married and are younger, but the pain is the same. I feel like so much of my life has been taken from me, getting married, having kids, all the years we would have spent together and all the memories we didn’t get the chance to make. If you need to talk my messages are open, I can’t help make things any easier for you but I can listen and it does help to talk about it. I post my sad/angry/numb rants on here all the time and it helps to get them out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Meloncholy Posted January 14, 2021 Members Report Share Posted January 14, 2021 Right after the holidays my boyfriend got into a very serious car accident. He ended up passing away in the hospital. I was able to see him one last time and hold his hand. I’m in complete shock. I’m in so much pain and can’t stop crying. I miss him so much and all the memories we shared I keep replaying them in my head. It pains me that I’m not with him anymore. He was my best friend. I went back to work and it’s almost making me feel even worse because I would also call and text him during the days. We had plans to move to New York together and I can’t stop thinking about it. Why him? He was so good. He was so caring and loved me so much, and I loved him. I’m so scared that he’s alone and is sad for leaving me. I’m trying to have faith but it’s really hard. I miss his warmth, his laugh, and everything about him. I’m 22 years old and don’t understand how to do life without him. I feel alone. His friends will be able to go back to their lives and continue doing things to make them happy. I feel like I can’t go back to my life, especially not without him. Will this pain get any more manageable? I’m lonely and so so sad. I’ve never been depressed until now. I genuinely can’t leave my bed, I’m slacking at work, and everything seems like a hard task. I miss him so much. I am so sorry I lost my husband to a vehicle accident 6 months ago...I am 64 and we were married 23 years. The abruptness with no warning....is brutal. We are here for you....God bless you with some peace .Sent from my iPhone using Grieving.com Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members LoveNeverDies Posted January 15, 2021 Members Report Share Posted January 15, 2021 18 hours ago, rose15 said: Will this pain get any more manageable? I’m lonely and so so sad. I’ve never been depressed until now. I genuinely can’t leave my bed, I’m slacking at work, and everything seems like a hard task. I miss him so much. Rose , Huge Hugs , I’m so sorry you are going through this unimaginable pain . You came to the right place, we are a supportive group and understand the pain of losing someone we loved so much. Looking at the future can be way too painful without our loved one in it ,take one day at a time , one hour , one minute if you have to. Cry, scream do whatever you have to do. Please come here and write, never feel alone, we’ll try to help you through. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted January 15, 2021 Moderators Report Share Posted January 15, 2021 22 hours ago, rose15 said: I feel like I can’t go back to my life, especially not without him. Will this pain get any more manageable? I am so sorry! Our lives as they were are gone, but little by little we begin to process this, it takes a long time and it's different for everyone. Yes the pain will get more manageable, imo it is the hardest in early grief but I can't say it ever gets "easy." That's a relative term anyway and again, different for everyone depending on our own coping/adjusting ability/skills, our support system, what we do to process our grief, the depth of relationship, length of time even probably factors in, although in our case we only knew each other 6 1/2 years, our relationship was what I had with no one else ever in my life so in my case it wasn't length of time but quality of relationship, we were true soul mates and best friends. I'm glad you're able to express yourself here because that helps, and here you will find supportiveness of those who "get it." http://www.griefhealingblog.com/2014/08/grief-understanding-process.html I want to share an article I wrote of the things I've found helpful over the years, in the hopes something will be of help to you either now or on down the road. TIPS TO MAKE YOUR WAY THROUGH GRIEF There's no way to sum up how to go on in a simple easy answer, but I encourage you to read the other threads here, little by little you will learn how to make your way through this. I do want to give you some pointers though, of some things I've learned on my journey. Take one day at a time. The Bible says each day has enough trouble of it's own, I've found that to be true, so don't bite off more than you can chew. It can be challenging enough just to tackle today. I tell myself, I only have to get through today. Then I get up tomorrow and do it all over again. To think about the "rest of my life" invites anxiety. Don't be afraid, grief may not end but it evolves. The intensity lessens eventually. Visit your doctor. Tell them about your loss, any troubles sleeping, suicidal thoughts, anxiety attacks. They need to know these things in order to help you through it...this is all part of grief. Suicidal thoughts are common in early grief. If they're reoccurring, call a suicide hotline. I felt that way early on, but then realized it wasn't that I wanted to die so much as I didn't want to go through what I'd have to face if I lived. Back to taking a day at a time. Suicide Hotline - Call 1-800-273-8255 or www.crisis textline.org or US and Canada: text 741741 UK: text 85258 | Ireland: text 50808 Give yourself permission to smile. It is not our grief that binds us to them, but our love, and that continues still. Try not to isolate too much. There's a balance to reach between taking time to process our grief, and avoiding it...it's good to find that balance for yourself. We can't keep so busy as to avoid our grief, it has a way of haunting us, finding us, and demanding we pay attention to it! Some people set aside time every day to grieve. I didn't have to, it searched and found me! Self-care is extremely important, more so than ever. That person that would have cared for you is gone, now you're it...learn to be your own best friend, your own advocate, practice self-care. You'll need it more than ever. Recognize that your doctor isn't trained in grief, find a professional grief counselor that is. We need help finding ourselves through this maze of grief, knowing where to start, etc. They have not only the knowledge, but the resources. In time, consider a grief support group. If your friends have not been through it themselves, they may not understand what you're going through, it helps to find someone somewhere who DOES "get it". Be patient, give yourself time. There's no hurry or timetable about cleaning out belongings, etc. They can wait, you can take a year, ten years, or never deal with it. It's okay, it's what YOU are comfortable with that matters. Know that what we are comfortable with may change from time to time. That first couple of years I put his pictures up, took them down, up, down, depending on whether it made me feel better or worse. Finally, they were up to stay. Consider a pet. Not everyone is a pet fan, but I've found that my dog helps immensely. It's someone to love, someone to come home to, someone happy to see me, someone that gives me a purpose...I have to come home and feed him. Besides, they're known to relieve stress. Well maybe not in the puppy stage when they're chewing up everything, but there's older ones to adopt if you don't relish that stage. Make yourself get out now and then. You may not feel interest in anything, things that interested you before seem to feel flat now. That's normal. Push yourself out of your comfort zone just a wee bit now and then. Eating out alone, going to a movie alone or church alone, all of these things are hard to do at first. You may feel you flunked at it, cried throughout, that's okay, you did it, you tried, and eventually you get a little better at it. If I waited until I had someone to do things with I'd be stuck at home a lot. Keep coming here. We've been through it and we're all going through this together. Look for joy in every day. It will be hard to find at first, but in practicing this, it will change your focus so you can embrace what IS rather than merely focusing on what ISN'T. It teaches you to live in the present and appreciate fully. You have lost your big joy in life, and all other small joys may seem insignificant in comparison, but rather than compare what used to be to what is, learn the ability to appreciate each and every small thing that comes your way...a rainbow, a phone call from a friend, unexpected money, a stranger smiling at you, whatever the small joy, embrace it. It's an art that takes practice and is life changing if you continue it. Eventually consider volunteering. It helps us when we're outward focused, it's a win/win. (((hugs))) Praying for you today. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rose15 Posted January 20, 2021 Author Members Report Share Posted January 20, 2021 Thank you all for the support. I didn’t know a group of strangers could make me feel a little bit more comforted than people that know me best. This truly is the worst thing that has happened to me but I’m thankful I can come here. I liked the comment about how my life will never go back to what it was. But I’ll have to essentially start over and keep living in my new life. I truly don’t think I’ll be able to start living for a while. I know he wouldn’t want me staying in my bed all day crying but I feel guilty doing things without him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Roxeanne Posted January 20, 2021 Members Report Share Posted January 20, 2021 Rose don't feel guilty ...do what help you to feel more comfortable! I am sorry you have to experience the hard pain of grief so young...but hope this community help you and give you some solace... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted January 20, 2021 Moderators Report Share Posted January 20, 2021 19 hours ago, rose15 said: I feel guilty doing things without him. That is common in early grief. In time it helps to realize that our guilt doesn't help them or us and it's up to us to do what we can to help ourselves through this. An article similar to this one helped me in my early months. http://www.aliveinmemory.org/2013/05/30/learning-how-to-smile-again/ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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