Members BBB Posted January 12, 2021 Members Report Share Posted January 12, 2021 Lost my wife in 2020, just lost my job. I'm thinking if I stand out in the middle of the street in a rainstorm that lightening might hit me. Come to think of it, right about now that doesn't sound too bad. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members steveb Posted January 12, 2021 Members Report Share Posted January 12, 2021 I'm so very sorry to hear that BBB. You will get through this. Please stay strong. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Gail 8588 Posted January 12, 2021 Members Report Share Posted January 12, 2021 BBB, I completely relate to how you are feeling. One night, about 11pm, I stood, fully clothed, chest deep in the Atlantic Ocean discussing with myself whether my death would be considered accidental or suicide if I was hit by a shark. The idea of being bitten by a shark did not concern me at all. I had no concern for living, no concern for any pain that might be involved. I honestly believed I could not be in any more pain than I was in. After some considerable period of time I reasoned that it would probably be determined to be suicide. I didn't want to put my sons through that, so I walked back to shore. It is so hard to explain to those who have not experienced profound grief how devastating it is. I was in that zombie state for about 3 years, (which I think is an unusually long stay - don't dispair). But I really have transitioned to a better state of being. I can live with where I am now. Of course I still miss my husband and the life we had together. But I do want to live now. I no longer think it wouldn't feel any different to be eaten by a shark or struck by lightening. One foot in front of the other. It does get better. Gail Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members BBB Posted January 12, 2021 Author Members Report Share Posted January 12, 2021 Well I am in a zombie state but it's only been 6 months, not three years. I would not expect to be out of this state for at least a year Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Gail 8588 Posted January 12, 2021 Members Report Share Posted January 12, 2021 Sorry about your job too. Finances complicate life too. Covid-19, economy struggling, political chaos. It's a really hard time to find your way back to life. Hang in there. Gail Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted January 12, 2021 Moderators Report Share Posted January 12, 2021 @BBB A few months after George died I lost my dream job.. It was the beginning of the recession but they only gave us six months unemployment. I faced age discrimination for the first time in my life. I finally got a job that I had to commute 100 miles/day for, less money, more expenses. I worked for an idiot, but I got through it, seven years. He cut me from full time to one day a week, but wanted me to do the same work...not possible but I did my best. He brought me back to four days after a year, and then a year later my job was cut completely, no notice...oh and it took me 13 1/2 months to get paid the three months pay he owed me, never mind vacation time! I'd already looked for a year for a job, nada...I knew it was useless. I decided to retire early and lived off my savings for four years before taking the year's penalty (for life) on social security. I was broke, not how I wanted to go into retirement. I worked & drove a stick shift car with a broken right elbow. I worked with a torn meniscus. I worked when I busted my nose and knocked out my front tooth. I never missed, was never late, even though it meant getting up at 3 am sometimes to shovel snow. The youngsters would waltz in two hours late and never caught heck for it. He made it easy to retire! My first week I was out of work (retired with no income) I found out I needed a new roof, asap. A storm knocked out my 30' patio roof and I had to pay for a new one THREE times before getting one that was good. Then I had to get a new roof on my garage. Now I have the back of my garage to replace and my house is long overdue getting painted. But you know what? This is the part I want to tell you: I have had a roof over my head, never been late paying a bill, never missed a meal, and somehow God has always taken care of me and given me wisdom how to handle things (or I've learned a lesson in the process). I will be praying for you! You will get through this! Sending you cyber hugs and wanting so much to offer you encouragement! You are not alone and you will make it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Sparky1 Posted January 12, 2021 Members Report Share Posted January 12, 2021 5 hours ago, BBB said: Come to think of it, right about now that doesn't sound too bad. I feel for you BBB. Losing a wife is bad enough but losing the job is a kick in the you know what. I pray that things get better for you job wise. I feel despondent as well losing my wife, and for me I don't have any motivation and not much desire to do much of anything. I went back to work and it's not easy but hopefully it might keep me busy during the day at least. And I totally understand how you feel about getting hit by lightning. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Perro J Posted January 12, 2021 Members Report Share Posted January 12, 2021 If sales don't improve where I work, I suspect I'll soon be without a job too. We'll see what happens. My hope for you, BBB, is that perhaps one day you will look back upon the job loss and see why it had to happen that way. It may be that this was a necessary step to take to reach a place that is a better situation for you. I hope it works out that way for you, anyway. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted January 13, 2021 Moderators Report Share Posted January 13, 2021 I am so sorry to hear this, Perro. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Yoli Posted January 13, 2021 Members Report Share Posted January 13, 2021 BBB, do sorry to hear this. Been through job loss a few years ago too and that was hard to get through with Indy by my side so I cannot imagine how this is for you. I would probably have a sarcastic conversation with the universe -Kick me while I am down why don't you!!! Your comment about being hit by lightning reminded me about a storm that was rolling in a few weeks before Christmas. I was heading out to the sand dunes to watch for lightning and I said out loud - With any luck I will be hit by the lightning. I am still here so no luck there.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Coops29 Posted January 13, 2021 Members Report Share Posted January 13, 2021 Hello BBB I'm sorry that you have been dealt such a bad hand. I know how you feel as I have been there many times since I lost my partner of 30 years only 8 months ago. My daughter is also terminally ill and I myself am awaiting an appointment to rule out cancer (fingers crossed). I still work full time (have to pay the bills somehow) however I work for the NHS in England and as you can imagine due to Covid 19 this is a very unsettling and depressing time. I to feel like my life is just one long bad luck story and wonder what I have done to ever deserve this and in the early days of my grief I to could have happily walked into the ocean and kept going as nothing mattered to me more than the pain of losing my beloved. I do have to tell you that 8 months on although I cry every day for my loss and my loss still yet to come I no longer want to leave this world just yet as I have so much to still do. I have grandchildren to see grow and I have a big wide world to travel which we had planned to do so I will hopefully full fill that. Life is hard right now but take the time whilst you are unemployed to rest and recuperate yourself. I do hope that you have luck finding another job and I do hope that you can find peace of mind on your grief journey. Keep talking to us all as we are all on this long road together and we can kind of understand your suffering. Big hugs Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members steveb Posted January 14, 2021 Members Report Share Posted January 14, 2021 Some incredible stories of resilience and fortitude in this thread. The strength of the human spirit is simply amazing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Roxeanne Posted January 14, 2021 Members Report Share Posted January 14, 2021 14 hours ago, steveb said: Some incredible stories of resilience and fortitude in this thread. The strength of the human spirit is simply amazing. Sometimes i think we are heroes...facing losses and adversities with a black hole in our hearts... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Meloncholy Posted January 14, 2021 Members Report Share Posted January 14, 2021 Hello BBB I'm sorry that you have been dealt such a bad hand. I know how you feel as I have been there many times since I lost my partner of 30 years only 8 months ago. My daughter is also terminally ill and I myself am awaiting an appointment to rule out cancer (fingers crossed). I still work full time (have to pay the bills somehow) however I work for the NHS in England and as you can imagine due to Covid 19 this is a very unsettling and depressing time. I to feel like my life is just one long bad luck story and wonder what I have done to ever deserve this and in the early days of my grief I to could have happily walked into the ocean and kept going as nothing mattered to me more than the pain of losing my beloved. I do have to tell you that 8 months on although I cry every day for my loss and my loss still yet to come I no longer want to leave this world just yet as I have so much to still do. I have grandchildren to see grow and I have a big wide world to travel which we had planned to do so I will hopefully full fill that. Life is hard right now but take the time whilst you are unemployed to rest and recuperate yourself. I do hope that you have luck finding another job and I do hope that you can find peace of mind on your grief journey. Keep talking to us all as we are all on this long road together and we can kind of understand your suffering. Big hugs I am so sorry about the job loss, just know we are all pulling for you. This group is a comfort to me—-a group of survivors who empathize and listen and root for each of us to heal a little more each day. I am 6 months in and still on a roller coaster but I value each of you.Sent from my iPhone using Grieving.com Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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