Members CharlieRae Posted January 4, 2021 Members Report Share Posted January 4, 2021 Hi all. I’m new to this whole forum. I needed a place to vent and connect with people. I lost my father 2 years ago today. I was 24 at the time. I’m the one who holds the family together, but no one checks in on me. I was told I’m angry and some other choice words recently. I don’t think I’m angry, I’m just sad sometimes. Can anyone else relate to this? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members GAK Posted January 4, 2021 Members Report Share Posted January 4, 2021 Hi Charlie Rae. I lost my mother recently too. You are so young. Anger is a part of grief. I can relate to the pain you are going through. After 2 years I still cry every day. People say time does make it better, but it doesn’t really ever go away. I think that may be good in the future—great love comes great feelings of loss—otherwise grief wouldn’t hurt as much. I’m still trying to figure out how to deal with the pain now. I find having a shelf of special mementoes, notes and fond memories you wrote to them (saved in a small box or jar), photos and candle lit when you need to say hi, helps me a bit. Talk to people who you love and love you equally back is vital. Sorry to say this, but your family does not seem to appreciate your efforts to keep the family close. Maybe talk to them and say someone else has to take over. You need to heal with people who will be there as well. It’s hard but you have to let your unsupportive family go or place them as less of a priority for a short time. This is my first time to this forum and I hope it helps me, as well as you. Hugs, Gregg Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Zee24 Posted January 4, 2021 Members Report Share Posted January 4, 2021 Yes I can relate to the anger and the frustration, I think a lot of people who have gone through this have these feelings. I have read about time helping but really time just helps you hide it better. I am so sorry for your loss. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members RobinVolpi Posted January 4, 2021 Members Report Share Posted January 4, 2021 I'm so sorry. I just lost my.dear mother on December 29th, 2020, and I am.comdevastate. I've been going through all of the emotions, already. Sorrow, anger, relief (that she's no longer suffering), confused.... all of it. I am praying to.keep my sanity and overall health, during this time and going forward. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members PattyPlas Posted January 4, 2021 Members Report Share Posted January 4, 2021 I'm very sorry for your loss. I lost my dad Dec 1st, 2020, and I am full of emotions that I don't even understand. I'm so angry when I see people going about their normal lives... I feel so much guilt when I have a "good day" or I find myself feeling happy. I feel like if I'm not mourning him, I am disrespecting him. I know it's crazy, and my dad wouldn't have allowed me to feel that way. I hope all goes well for you and I hope you are able to find peace. God knows we all want that. Best wishes to you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members reader Posted January 5, 2021 Members Report Share Posted January 5, 2021 Dear CharlieRae, I hear where you’re coming from because in my family I was the oldest and always expected to hold it together. I felt as you did that no one cared about me or could even take the time to ask how I was. Even if we are the glue that holds our family together it would mean the world if someone just took a few minutes to ask how we are. It is hurtful and painful to feel this way. Even when I told my family of my hurt I was dismissed. Please know that you are not alone. I found this site extremely helpful. I also sought out counselling and a support group. And found sites like grief in common and what’s your grief very helpful. Thinking of you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Zee24 Posted January 5, 2021 Members Report Share Posted January 5, 2021 I think after a certain amount of time, you are expected to get better, more composed and just get on with it. Otherwise it is like you are wallowing in your grief. People get impatient with that and are judgemental too. I don’t think anyone gets that nobody makes a conscious choice to be miserable. And making comparisons about it, with people/friends they know of who went through something similar and just bounced back are unhelpful. Someone even compared how well someone was functioning after a divorce to bereavement. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members tmaurer60 Posted January 5, 2021 Members Report Share Posted January 5, 2021 Grieving is as individual as a personality. We all grieve the best way we can. We stumble, struggle, lose it, pick it up all at different paces and ways. The big thing is to know you aren’t alone. We all have a point where we lose it and that’s ok. Is a sign of “healing”. The grief in my opinion never goes away. We learn to live with it and how to manage it better. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Zee24 Posted January 7, 2021 Members Report Share Posted January 7, 2021 Sadly yes, grief doesn’t really go away. It just becomes part of you and ends up shaping you into something else. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members CharlieRae Posted February 22, 2021 Author Members Report Share Posted February 22, 2021 You guys are all so wonderful. After posting this, I was embarrassed and anxious. I wasn’t ready to check back in until today. And I see I was really missing out. You guys are all so so so amazing. I’m sorry that all of this grief and loss has brought us together. I hear you guys about family dismissing you when you speak up for yourself. So how do we move forward when there’s no one else? I’m lucky to have a really good friend who has never put judgement towards me once. Do you guys have people in your life too? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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