Lost my father on Dec 1st

[PattyPlas]

Hi, y'all. I am new here but wanted to have an outlet to process this grief. I lost my father suddenly about a month ago and I just don't know how to move on. Some days are better than others, but other days I can't even seem to get out of bed. My father was my absolute rock and to say that I was a daddy's girl would be an understatement. I loved my father more than anything in the world and now I find myself lost, confused, angry, and just plain devastated. I sometimes think to myself, "Is this pain something I am going to feel for the rest of my life?" I have a little one and am also currently going through a divorce. Surprisingly, my son's father has been extremely helpful and caring. But just the stress of dealing with the divorce and the sudden passing of my father gets to be too much. I sometimes feel alone in my thoughts, so it is nice to see what other people are doing to cope with this grief. I just want to stop hurting, I want to hear my dad's voice again, I want to feel his skin and hug him. 

[CharlieRae]

Hi Patty,

My heart breaks for you. To say I’m sorry for yourself loss is a cliche-d understatement. I’m two years out from losing my father. I can honestly say, at least in my case, that while the pain is still very much real, it has also changed over time. I can find the good in my days and in my life again. While all happy events have a sharper edge to them now, that edge isn’t quite as cutting as it once was. 

[Monty]

Hi PattyPlas,

I am so sorry you are going through this. This is an extremely difficult time for you as not only are you grieving the loss of your father but the breakdown of your marriage and the loss of your little ones grandfather. 
My Dad was my rock too and I am lost without him. I am also so sad that my little ones no longer have their Pa. They miss him too. 

We support each other here on this forum as we all try and navigate our way through our grief. Be kind to yourself. It is hard being a Mum and finding time to just sit with your grief, your thoughts and process your loss. Take care. 

 

[RobinVolpi]

Hello Pattyplas...

I want to extend my deepest condolences to you and your loved ones.

I just lost my mother on December 29th. She suffered a progressive illness which Ultimately took away her walking and swallowing abilities before taking her away from me. 

I rubbed her arm as she took her last breaths. 

My Best Friend. 

My Partner.

My Power Source. 

My Biggest Inspiration.

 

I am Devastated.... but Hopeful. 

I am Inconsolable.... and yet Relieved that she's no longer suffering.

 

I am consumed by contradicting emotions and just praying to maintain my sanity and health throughout this process, however long it may be. 

 

My Best to you....

 

[PattyPlas]

Thank you for your kind words. I just sometimes feel like "Is this pain gonna be forever??" And that just terrifies me. I still find myself listening to old voicemails, texting him and wishing he'd respond. I've never lost anyone close to me, so this is my first and I think it's so unfair that it had to be my dad! And the hard part of it was he was fine. He wasn't sick. I had just spoken to him the night before. He was suppose to leave to El Paso the morning he died and my brother went up to check on him because it was odd that my dad hadn't left yet. And that's when he found him... I tell my therapist that I wish there was a handbook or something that told me "You're gonna cry for this many days then all will go back to normal." Nothing seems like it will ever go back to normal. Thank you all for your support. 

[Zee24]

Patty, I wish there were some guidelines too about how long it takes to heal. The only one I know of is that grief that lasts for more than a year is complicated grief. Rest its all so individual, the tears and crying and emotions. And when it happens out of the blue, the shock, processing that as well, adds another layer. I am so sorry for your loss. 

[dib2021]

I just lost my father on January 5th.  We had a few days to prepare for it, up until then we all thought we'd have more time.  I was devastated watching him die, and had real trouble for the first couple of weeks with the images in my mind, and my heart broken.  I am finding, through this journey, that it helps to keep busy.  Even stupid things.  I talk to him all the time in my head, and cry frequently.  I don't know how long it will take, but i just have to keep remembering he loved me, he knew i loved him, and he would want me to be my best person.  That doesn't mean i will automatically stop being in pain or crying, but that maybe every day i can make one more decision, complete one more task, smile at a stranger, laugh at a joke, and remember that i am also my kids world, as he was mine.  They need me too.  They need me to be strong, and they need to see me be weak.  Even though it can be so hard to have to take care of anyone else when i am in pain.  And he would want me to take care of them, to be there for them, to live outside of my own grief, and remember the happy times (there was so many) and carry him with me in my heart and soul throughout the rest of my life.  Just think one happy thought, smile at the sun, do ONE thing a day that is positive at least, and you will get through this.  That's what i am doing, and it seems to be helping.  I hope it helped you a tiny bit.

[sola_17]

Hello, I lost my dad suddenly less than a month ago and it seems like the pain gets worse and worse. I feel so alone, no one understands my pain I feel like I have to go through all this pain alone. So it helps to see other people’s stories on here, makes me feel comfort in some way.