my aunt is dying very suddenly

[heartyfish]

(i'm sorry if some of this or none of this makes sense; i have a lot of thoughts running though me)

two days ago, my brother got a call from our mother at around 8 in the morning.  she's currently out of state for a wedding (safely), but i got really nervous since it was a really random call.  my mom, through choked tears told me that our family friend (her best friend of over 20 years, and who me and my brother referred to as our "aunt") suddenly got sick.  she told my brother and i that apparently that she (our aunt) hadn't been feeling well for about two days.  she went to go lay down and when one of her sons went to wake her up, she never did.  they called an ambulance and took her to the hospital.  the doctors gave her 3 covid tests (two rapid tests, one official) and they have all came back negative.  they said that she had some sort of unknown virus that suddenly took over and eventually started shutting down her organs. 

she has been on life support ever since she got to the hospital.  they have already told us that there is nothing that they can do and we are just waiting for her to pass peacefully or for her sons to decide to take her off life support. every time they try to take her to a lab to do tests she starts to code and, last night she coded 5 times; ultimately, her sons decided to put her on a dnr (do not resuscitate) if she starts to code again.

these past couple of days have been like limbo hell. we are all just watching the clock tick while trying to be "normal."  ever since i heard the news, i've been dissociating pretty much all this whole time.  i feel so numb and slow and my brain can't process literally anything.  i have to remember i'm not alone in this grieving but, it's extremely hard because we are busy with different responsibilities so it feels like we are somewhat separated.  the only people who we are truly separated from are my mom and stepdad who are away for a wedding (they are returning tomorrow) and her sons who are with her (they live out of town).  the only time i've felt emotion is most of today; it just hit me that i'm waiting on her death time and that i'm really losing her. i cried so much and every time i think too much about it, i cry harder and my heart hurts even more. 

i love her so much...and to just...lose her with no warning is just...the absolute. worst.  i mean God really said, "whoops, looks like times up." and just whisked her away; and my mom is insanely good at impersonating her and we were talking earlier about how it feels like this big joke where she's going to wake up and call my mom laughing and say, "Cece, you were so scared!" and when my mom said that in her voice i laughed so hard but it also caused the biggest pain in my heart because i clearly heard her voice through my mom.  i've never dealt with death to someone who is is apart of my family before.  i've never been to a funeral...she just had her birthday in september that and she was even at my mom's virtual wedding this past october. she was healthy and happy.  i don't know what happened.  i just never expected to go to my first funeral for someone so young...not her..i miss her.

[reader]

Dear heartyfish,

I'm so sorry to hear about your aunt.  My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family during this sad and difficult time.

Please know if you need additional support it's okay to ask to talk to a counselor, therapist or someone at church. 

We are with you.