Members lynlee Williams Posted October 18, 2020 Members Report Share Posted October 18, 2020 Thank you so much to each and everyone who has replied. Your strength and understanding has been comforting. I'm so sorry that you all too have been through this horribleness. I went to my hubby's gravesite yesterday. I fell apart of course while there but it is a small cemetary so I felt free to cry until I couldn't anymore. A gentle gust of wind came out of nowhere and all at once I felt "something". Just as I felt as if my heart were literally shattering into a million prices, a wave of, I guess I will call it a peacefulness? A calm of sorts? I don't know, it was strange and unlike anything I have ever felt before. I stood up still crying but I felt as if I had some measure of hope. An understanding from within that we will be okay. I began to stop focusing so much on MY grief and began to ask how can I help the rest of the family. I went by to visit his mother. Just intended to stay a minute and ended up staying rest of the day. We looked at old photos together, cried together and hugged a lot. It was very therapeutic for us both I think. Now when I see things that would make me cry I am able to tàke a deep breath and just let out a big ol sigh instead. Sounds dumb to some but it is a huge improvement for me. I really feel as if we may actually be okay. I still cry, but I am able to control it now. Sounds weird huh? I believe I am ready to collect our son now. I feel strong enough to be his mom and answer any questions he may have, help get us back to "normal" routine. Dad has offered to let us move in with him permantley and I feel ready to begin conversations about our future with my son. My husband was taken from me just 9 days ago and this is where I'm at.....is this normal? Will I backslide at some point? Am I pushing it too early? It seems odd to be bawling my eyes out one minute and then literally feeling a bit stronger the next. I'm telling you guys what happened at the cemetery was strange for me. Has this happened to anyone else or am I actually losing my mind?? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Beverly Graham Posted October 18, 2020 Author Members Report Share Posted October 18, 2020 On 10/9/2020 at 9:39 PM, Knvsmom said: Beverly, this is actually my 2nd loss of a spouse in my life, but here is just a little input that may or may not help with your pain. My daughter's Dad was killed on the job almost 30 years ago when they were little. We buried him.on what would have been his 26th birthday. Our girls were 2 1/2 yrs & 9 months old. I was devastated obviously & I cried constantly. I would go to his gravesite and talk to him all the time. I didn't realize it then, but the one thing that kept me going was our daughters. They no longer had Daddy and were completely reliant on me. Yes, I hurt and my grief lasted for many years, but eventually I realized that while Michael was taken from us too soon, God allowed him to leave me with 2 incredible gifts, our daughters. God knew I was going to need something to give me strength to not give up, so he left me with something that was a living part of Michael to continue to love and cherish. I had to honor his memory in the best way I knew how, by raising daughters he would have been proud of & I believe I've succeeded. I know you are lonely, and I know you are hurting, but you have a part of your husband still, a great blessing, & your sons need you. Help raise them up to be the same kind of good men as their Dad was. It will be a tough journey, but as you said, you still feel him with you so you are not alone. As I said, this is my 2nd loss now. My spouse died suddenly on the 26th of September and it is so much worse. I don't have young daughter's to raise this time. They are grown and have their own lives now. I hope I make it through this loss. @Knvsmom I'm sorry for the late reply; I haven't been on this site for some time because I've been in a really bad place for the past 2 weeks. I'm so very sorry for your losses...so heartbreaking to read about. Today it's now been 3 months since I last heard my fiancé's voice on the phone, and for me it's gotten much harder to take the more days pass by. I've lost all interest in things that previously brought me happiness...everyday just feels lonely, numb and empty. Thank you so much for your kind words of encouragement. I pray that you will get through your loss, and that you'll find comfort in the beautiful memories of your spouse. I'm so heartbroken for everyone on here for what we're all going through, and I pray that God will help ease our pain. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted October 18, 2020 Moderators Report Share Posted October 18, 2020 It doesn't sound dumb to me at all, you're learning as you go along, same as all of us. (((hugs))) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Gail 8588 Posted October 18, 2020 Members Report Share Posted October 18, 2020 Lynlee, I am glad you are feeling stronger after your experience at your husband's grave. You ask if this is normal. Your grief journey will be unique, as your experiences and family situation is unique. Many of us have commented on feeling the presence of our loved ones or signs that they are near to us. Many have commented on experiencing things that are unexplainable. My advice is to trust your feelings. This event at the grave has been a positive experience and has made you want to be rejoined with your 15 year old son. I would trust that feeling and go to your son. It was wonderful that your dad took care of your boy while you were unable to cope with both your grief and your son. His offer to have you and his grandson move in is something you should consider. You ask if you will backslide in your grief? If you are like most of us here, I think it is likely you will have periods of time when you do not feel as strong as when you wrote this post. Waves of grief, dispair, anger, fear, and longing often continue for months or years. Don't be afraid to take steps forward now out of fear that your grief may return. Often the grief journey is two steps forward one step back. That's okay. We do the best we can and that is enough. Sending you strength as you find your way back to the world. Gail Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Yoli Posted October 19, 2020 Members Report Share Posted October 19, 2020 I just went and bought a new bed for our spare room. Indy would have haggled over the price but I just paid what was asked. I could almost hear her chiding me. Horrible reminder (as if I needed one) that I must do these things by myself now. Then I went grocery shopping and almost broke down when I was putting the items on the belt. They looked pathetic compared to what we used to get. I held it together until I got to the car. This new existence is tearing me apart. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Gail 8588 Posted October 19, 2020 Members Report Share Posted October 19, 2020 Yoli, I am so sorry for the pain you are going through. I also experienced many days of utter dispair. It is so hard to create a new way of living when all your mind and heart want is to return to the old way, that was full of love. All I can offer in the way of encouragement is that it does get better with time. Waves of sorrow will envelope you from time to time. But the spaces in between will grow longer and the periods of despair shorter and less painful. Sending you strength to keep putting one foot in front of the other. One day at a time. Gail Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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