Death of My Mum

[Becky1980]

Hello, 

It's my first ever post here and I just signed up for support. My Mum died after a fall at home on March 24th and was in and out of hospital. When she was taken into hospital on the 24th March, they didn't check her over and sent her home. She was in great pain and seemed very confused, we had to call for help and then she was taken back in. The following day we were told she had 3 breaks to her hip and water infections, all can be dealt with and she would be OK. She was tested for COVID19 and was clear. She came home after a long week and she was doing OK unitil she forgot who I was and who my Dad was. It was awful to see her being so confused and upset, the pain also got worse. We knew we had to get help and she went back in on April 15th, they did more scans and she had another break in her hip , another water infection and more other infections. We last spoke to her on April 17th and she thanked us for taking care of her. 

5 days later she caught COVID19 and it attacked her brain. We were told she may have had a stroke, dementia or Alzheimer's Disease. They couldn't pin point what happened to make her brain change but she did have COVID19. We never saw any change before the fall.....so we are at a loss. 

After a brain function test, we were told she was dying. I was allowed to see her for 1 last time. I had to go in alone and it was very upsetting. She was thin due to lack of food and drink, she knew I was there. I held her hand and told her to fight, she had to fight. I could tell I had to say to her to let go, pass over and be happy in heaven. 

May 15th at 5am, Andrea my Mum died. We couldn't be with her. I hope a nurse  was holding her hand. She was 71. 

We are all heartbroken. I am taking care of my Dad now. We are keeping each other going each day. My Brother lives in London and we chat every day. We miss her. I have vivid dreams of her. Her funeral was tough, the coffin......the last goodbye. 

Any advice on what we can do next? I know one day at a time but anything you can give us can be helpful 

[ram]

What an aweful experience. I'm sorry for your loss! My advice is to talk about her as much as possible. It really helps. Start with the sad stuff, like you just relayed, and get it out of the way, but then move onto the happy stuff. Her favorite meal, holiday, activities. Sayings she used. Characteristics you loved about her and want to emulate. Keep a picture around and keep talking to her. I'm by no means an expert, but that first year is the worst. It takes time, but you learn to adjust. 

[Deborahmomof2]

Hi my name is Deborah, I lost my mother this past Mother’s Day and have been looking to connect with other people who have lost a parent recently. I’m starting a zoom meeting for the first time and wondered if you would like to join. If so here is the link. https://us04web.zoom.us/j/71034566210?pwd=WFQ0N1FpODVNUWpHcHhsUzdpM1R4dz09  The time for this meeting will be today at 1:00pm. Hope to see you there.