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Dey

Lost my husband suddenly...

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Dey

 

5 minutes ago, peach_2003 said:

I feel the same way I am only 36 but I have no interest in finding anyone else ever

Maybe it's too soon to say this, for I don't know about the future, but for now that's the last thing, not even cross my mind, I ever think about. 

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peach_2003

its the last thing the crosses my mind, I keep trying to get my husband to visit me because I still need to see him and have him hold me. I ask him to visit me in my dreams but he hasn't except the one time weeks ago.

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Dey

I wish he appear in my dream too Peach. But I hardly sleep nowadays and if I do, I don't get dream anymore recently. You're lucky he did appear in yours. 

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peach_2003

that was weeks ago and it was early morning when I took a quick nap now days I don't sleep and if I do its only for an hour or two at a time and I don't dream at all anymore

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Missy1

On Day two, he not only did he appear  to me, he spoke to me in my dreams. This night  he was angry because I didn’t want his death on social media because he was private. I heard  loud bells, and saw bright lights. I heard him say, please tell people that I’ve passed away you can’t keep it from the world, I love you. I woke up sobbing, felt like I was awake the whole time!

FB is tacky, I did not want to splash our life on FB. I published his obituary link and announced it after his message to me, in a dignified way. It was good because it reach friends who genuinely cared from all over. 

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peach_2003

I didn't post anything on face book about his death but his obit was posted on line on our local news site. Although people who knew us through my job or his former job did message me privately on face book to say how sorry they were my husband was pretty private 

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A Wilson

I told my family I don't ever want to or can't even think of marrying again. They tell I'm young and I'll find someone down the line but I don't want anyone else. It's only been a week since my husband  passed and it something that I can even imagine. I guess people say that to help me deal with the loss and the thought be being alone. 

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peach_2003

I cant even imagine dating or being with anyone else the thought turns my stomach and makes me sick I spent my entire adult life with my husband and we should have had much longer. 

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Missy1

Yeah, I am 55, done,  I hope to not make 56. Life is sad, gray, no joy, no laughter. I am broken...I don’t have a future without him. I am okay with that. Alone is something I am learning to be.

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peach_2003

I am broken and alone as well. I have no joy in life at all I am sad all the time and have no friends except the one that he had and yes he contacts me every few hours but other then that I really not have anyone

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Dey
2 hours ago, Missy1 said:

FB is tacky, I did not want to splash our life on FB. I published his obituary link and announced it after his message to me, in a dignified way. It was good because it reach friends who genuinely cared from all over. 

Yes, I have neglected my FB account and forgot it ever existed until I was flooded with emails from FB that people message me, turn out my inlaws posted on their account. 

@A Wilson @peach_2003 @Missy1 I guess people just dont understand, see or experience this through our eyes. They don't know the deep of connection between us and our significant other. The deeper it is the more difficult to even think about finding another man. My husband was, is and will be the love of my life, my best friend, my everything. 

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Monaron

I find myself alone. IF it were not for my daughter who texts me on a regular basis I don't know what I would do. His brother who was estranged from my husband does not like me because my husband did not come to him to ask permission to marry me an American. At first he said to his family that we will support Monaron and help her in any way we can. Well I have not heard from him in many weeks. He simply is not available. he could have helped me with much as far as language. Everything comes to me in German and although I speak and understand good basic, I am far from understanding all the paper work coming in. I do much translation and it time consuming and draining. I keep on asking God to allow my husband to at least send message or  sign or visit me in a dream ,but that has not happened. Im still alone hereein our home with no one  other then my daughter to turn to and she is in the US and Im in Germany. We still have not had a memorial due to the restraints of the virus but Im not looking forward to planning. My husband wanted simple, peaceful. My brother in law wants control and Im holding my husbands ashes with conviction and Im not going to allow him to dictate what he wants . HE sat at my table many hours after my husband death, only to return a call by the police going to him and talking negatively about my husband without a thought.  disrespecting my husband wishes through  me. Im like a robot. I do what I have to do every day but I don't see me.  Every day is just another getting through, breaking down and waiting for the day to be over. It seems people just don't understand that I lost my best friend,my life partner, my lover, my life. My brother in law lost a brother and I understand that ,but I lost my life. 

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Dey
41 minutes ago, Monaron said:

but I lost my life...

yes, this is exactly how to sum up me too. Others might not understand that. Or perhaps they haven't experienced what's it like to have deep connection with their spouse. One member wrote on my reply, that what we have with our love one is special not everyone got a chance to have it, that's why it hurts more losing them.

I hope today is better day for you Monaron. I pray for strength for you to deal with the grieving alone and far away from your family. And more strength to solve and handle all the papers, and especially to deal with your brother in law. You do what you have to do, you're the one closest to your husband, you know what he like and want. Your brother in law's wants is not what your husband's want. Hug from far away, God bless you...

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Monaron

Thank you dey,

God bless you and I also send you hugs and a hope for peace. 

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KayC

Dey, I am so sorry.  They mean to give us hope but it has the opposite effect.  Glad for him, but!  You handled it well, better than many of us would have.

 

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KayC

@Monaron  Your BIL sounds like someone you're better off without having in your life, neither supportive nor understanding.  Funny how too brothers can be so different, but that's how it was in my husband's family also, he was second eldest of 11 kids, the most caring person I ever met.

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Christinarosa1968
On ‎5‎/‎1‎/‎2020 at 3:15 PM, peach_2003 said:

I know the feeling dey I actually haven't slept in our bed because our bedroom makes me want to cry, I have his picture on the coffee table beside me I keeping hoping he will come to me in my dreams so we  can talk. Worst is I feel abandoned by the rest of the family because his parents don't even check on me, His cousin checks on me daily even if its just to say hi its nice to talk to him, 

It has been 8 weeks for me today - March 16th - Michael passed.  He was 53 years old.  He came home from the airport where he worked and said he was not feeling well and was going to lie down.  I was starting a new job that day and was getting ready (showering and dressing).  As I was leaving I was afraid I was going to be late and could not find him in the house.  To this day, I do not know where he was when I left.  I thought he was in the bedroom laying down.  I ran around and could not find him.  When I got to work I called my daughter (17 years old) and found him in the garage, unresponsive.  He was not there when I pulled my car out of the garage...

Sometimes the waves of sadness are so bad that I shake.  My family and friends don't want to hear me cry any more, even my daughters.  Plus with COVID, it is hard to get out and do things without feeling like I might be putting our lives in jeopardy.

When will things get better.  I am so stress and sad and the anxiety is so bad.  I loved being part of a marriage.  I loved having someone to come home to.  I loved Michael for 32 years and married (June 4th) would be 27 years.  I feel my life is a mess.  I have 2 beautiful daughters, but they are teens and they are doing better than me. 

God please help me.  I am happy I can write on here, but also feel like I might be repeating myself.  I miss him so much. 

 

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Dey

@Christinarosa1968 I'm so sorry for your loss dear. It really is so hard, and even harder given our circumstances with the pandemic, losing our significant other. Yes, other people may already fed up with our grieving, or crying... families and friends also don't want me to keep crying too. So mostly I do my crying and my broken down episodes silently, or in my room when most people are sleeping. I can not fool or forced myself stop crying or not feeling the despair of losing him. People can't understand this because it's not them experience it. It's not them whom losing their love, their lives.. it's also not them who has my special deep connection to my husband. I let myself cry, I just don't show these people, it's too much hassle.. so cry if you feel like crying; vent, scream or whatever if you feel like it. You do you. Others might not understand, because they don't feel what you feel. 

3 hours ago, Christinarosa1968 said:

I have 2 beautiful daughters, but they are teens and they are doing better than me. 

I have one wonderful pre-teen boy. I have to say my son copes differently. Most of the times I feel he doing better than me. He chats and plays online game witj his friends, still laughing, still making and posting some trending online challenges, basically "almost normal". But there are times when he also break down, sobbing uncontrollably missing his daddy. The first time he did that I realized it's not that my son doing better and never felt lost, he just doing him.. he copes differently. 

3 hours ago, Christinarosa1968 said:

God please help me.  I am happy I can write on here, but also feel like I might be repeating myself. 

Just keep write on, even if it repeating yourself, even it only just to express your feeling, just write on without any worries. I'm doing it too afterall, repeating myself, venting my anger or sense of unfairness. I'm grateful other members here just let me and even still write back or give supporting responses. God bless you...

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Dey

I read this somewhere, somehow the sentence fit me perfectly... 

"I’d give in to the grief but make sure I wasn’t loud enough to draw attention from those who think words will make me feel better."

 

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Monaron

yes, people say kind words or what they think is kind but have no idea what this is like. I have not had human touch in so many weeks now I lost count. a hug can mean more than a thousand words. You will get through this. I hear again and again. How do you know? My life is upside down. is different and changed drastically and not for the better. Im alone now , but they are not. Life, what life? I feel like this is how they think , grieve yes but hurry up I don't and cant feel uncomfortable with your grief. Hurry up to what????????? I don't know where life is going. Simple. 

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Missy1
5 hours ago, Monaron said:

yes, people say kind words or what they think is kind but have no idea what this is like. I have not had human touch in so many weeks now I lost count. a hug can mean more than a thousand words. You will get through this. I hear again and again. How do you know? My life is upside down. is different and changed drastically and not for the better. Im alone now , but they are not. Life, what life? I feel like this is how they think , grieve yes but hurry up I don't and cant feel uncomfortable with your grief. Hurry up to what????????? I don't know where life is going. Simple. 

Yesssss! I Said to someone, I don’t know how to live, they replied, your doing it. It upset me because this existence is not sustainable. Alone working, doing chores and keeping the balls in the air, Why?!?!  There is no reason anymore. A pointless life, is no way to live. People need love, I had mine, I don’t want another. I feel like I am done here, I invested my whole life in him, we were one together. Life is one big chore now. 

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Dey
13 hours ago, Monaron said:

Life, what life? I feel like this is how they think , grieve yes but hurry up I don't and cant feel uncomfortable with your grief. Hurry up to what????????? I don't know where life is going. Simple. 

Exactly!!!! They would let and tolerate our griefs according their terms, their times etc. But it's not them walking the journey, it's us. 

 

7 hours ago, Missy1 said:

Yesssss! I Said to someone, I don’t know how to live, they replied, your doing it. It upset me because this existence is not sustainable. Alone working, doing chores and keeping the balls in the air, Why?!?!  There is no reason anymore. A pointless life, is no way to live. People need love, I had mine, I don’t want another. I feel like I am done here, I invested my whole life in him, we were one together. Life is one big chore now. 

Yes Missy.. now it's more like though I'm alive I'm not living. I'm struggling to find my reason to continue beside taking care of my son. Simple life tasks and problems which I'm usually capable to handle, now seem to be so hard. You're so right, life is one big chore now....

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KayC
8 hours ago, Missy1 said:

I Said to someone, I don’t know how to live, they replied, your doing it. It upset me because this existence is not sustainable.

I know how you feel.  I've been doing it for 15 years but this social isolation has me at my wits end because the way I learned to cope was give myself something to look forward to, balance time home alone with time out with friends or volunteering...can do that now.

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A Wilson

I laid my husband to rest today. It was and is the hardest day of my life. The pain of missing him is so great. I'm still in denial to some degree. I see him just being away for awhile but not forever. I'm have my 2 some with me but they need me to be there are them. Now I do have an amazing support system from family and friends. Thank God for that but when everyone leaves I'm alone with my thoughts of regret, guilt and uncertainty about my future. 

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Christinarosa1968

I am so sorry to hear about everybody's loss and it is so hard with the world today with this social distancing and this coronavirus that it's hard to have something to look forward to war to have somewhat of a normal normalcy

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