I Am Always Aware of My Loss

[Rhonda R]

I'm 21 months into this and it's not as though I expected it to be different but I am always very aware that my husband died.  There isn't one single thing I do without him on my mind or being aware that he is gone.  I'm handling my grief better now than I did in the beginning but....I brush my teeth and I'm thinking, Randy died, he's gone.  I drive to work, same thing.  I work all day, same thing.  Go to my second job, or not, same thing.  Grab a bite to eat, same thing.  Clean up, same thing.  Watch tv, same thing.  Go to bed, same thing.  There literally isn't one thing I do throughout my entire day where I am not painfully aware that he died.  I know it and feel as though I had accepted it but, I say it to myself as if I just can't believe it.  Is it the same for all of you that are almost two years into your grief? 

[foreverhis]

Hi Rhonda. We lost our soul mates only 3 weeks apart.  The short answer is YES.  It's the same thing for me every day and every night.  Like you, I find that some of the raw, desperate pain is softening and I am able to talk about my love without breaking down all the time.  But every minute, even if my mind is doing something else, there is that pain in the background.  I guess I'm learning, as Kay has often said, to live with my grief as a permanent part of me.  I'm okay with that because that is how much my husband is a part of me too.

[ccoflove]

I am a little over 15 months and yes. I walk the dog and think, I cant believe Chris is dead, i believe but its still surreal he is not here. How can it really be? This is his stuff.. but it feels like so long ago we had this life together. The pain has softened i am able to laugh again at the absurdity of life and things that we would probably be talking and joking about together but there is an ever present awareness he is gone that i carry with me too.