Members Becca4 Posted March 3, 2020 Members Report Share Posted March 3, 2020 My mom passed away last Thursday 2/27 at 79 years old and I can’t believe she is gone as she was just diagnosed with cancer 2/6 and this happened so fast. Just after New Years 2020 she noticed the lymph nodes in her clavicle area were increasing in size so she had CT scans and a biopsy and it wasn’t until 2/18 that we learned it was non-small cell lung cancer. She never smoked and took care of herself and the doctor said there were many new treatments available and gave us hope, stating she had 6 months left with no treatment. I live out of state and came home to be with her for another biopsy 2/14 and stayed longer as she was hospitalized for a blood clot in her lungs and fluid build up around her heart and lungs which was caused by the cancer. I am self-employed with clients waiting for me to return after being gone 2 weeks and I was running out of my medicine so my mom encouraged me to return home on Sunday 2/23 with plans to be back the following weekend. She appeared to be doing well and not having a negative response to the chemo given in the hospital. My sister who lives close by caught a cold the next day and also couldn’t be with mom due to my mom’s immune system being compromised. I felt so upset to not be with my mom after I returned home but planned to travel to see her in a few days and talked to her on the phone twice a day while she was in the hospital. They were hoping to discharge her to a rehab facility that week. My sister received a call Thursday morning 2/27 that my mom was non-responsive and then 10 minutes later received a call that she had passed, the nurse saying she “slipped away”. I feel incredibly guilty for leaving and that neither my sister or I were with her the last 3 days she was alive. Before I left, my sister said I shouldn’t go home as things were progressing quickly but I talked talked it through with my mom and she said I should get back to work, stating we had a long road of ahead of us with many treatments and possibly hospice. I never could have imagined my mom only has a few days left and I feel so horrible for leaving. My mom was my best friend, and as I am single, she helped me with so many things in my life. We traveled together and she visited me several times a year, sometimes staying with me for a week, and I talked to her almost every day. Right now I really want to call her as she has helped get through every difficult situation in my life. I can’t stop crying and find it difficult to eat or sleep, all I want is my mom. The only thing that gives me some comfort is knowing she was a person of faith and is in heaven. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members gigi16 Posted March 4, 2020 Members Report Share Posted March 4, 2020 Hi Becca4, I just buried my mom today. I can completely understand your disbelief. My mom was living in an assisted living facility due to dementia but was not in particularly poor health other than the dementia. I got a call on 2/7 saying that my mom was having trouble breathing. They gave her a little oxygen and she seemed to improve. I went and saw her and she didn't seem that sick. The next day when I went back to see her again she passed within two hours. I could not believe it. I've gone through so many emotions...I've been angry, devastated, numb, and back again in this short amount of time. Grief is a strange thing. I was searching online tonight for "loss of a parent" to find some comfort and I came across you post. Sending positive thoughts your way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Becca4 Posted March 4, 2020 Author Members Report Share Posted March 4, 2020 Thanks Gigi, I have experienced the same emotions of numbness, anger, and devastation. It doesn’t seem real that she is gone... I’m sorry for the your loss of your mom and sending positive thoughts back Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members HummingbirdBlues Posted March 4, 2020 Members Report Share Posted March 4, 2020 Hi Becca and Gigi, I'm new to the motherless daughters club, too. My Mom passed away exactly 1 week ago. It was only 11 days after receiving a new aggressive cancer diagnosis. It went really quickly. I too feel like you both. Some moments are fine and other moments I wish I could just smell her old sweater over and over again. The world hasn't stopped, and I had to go back to work. I am still trying to figure out if that is a good idea. I don't really have a choice. How do you both feel about how others have "showed up" for you? I'm feel empathy for those I know who just don't know how to grieve, but I'm feeling very bitter towards my Bible study friends who say we are going to "do life" and all I've received are texts. I suppose a loss like this shows you who is a ride or die friend and who is an acquaintance. How do you both feel about this? What's your experience been like? Sending positive thoughts and support to you both. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members JayStar Posted March 4, 2020 Members Report Share Posted March 4, 2020 Hi Becca and Gigi, I'm new to the motherless daughters club, too. My Mom passed away exactly 1 week ago. It was only 11 days after receiving a new aggressive cancer diagnosis. It went really quickly. I too feel like you both. Some moments are fine and other moments I wish I could just smell her old sweater over and over again. The world hasn't stopped, and I had to go back to work. I am still trying to figure out if that is a good idea. I don't really have a choice. How do you both feel about how others have "showed up" for you? I'm feel empathy for those I know who just don't know how to grieve, but I'm feeling very bitter towards my Bible study friends who say we are going to "do life" and all I've received are texts. I suppose a loss like this shows you who is a ride or die friend and who is an acquaintance. How do you both feel about this? What's your experience been like? [emoji4] Sending positive thoughts and support to you both. Becca, GIGI & Hummingbird... Thank you for sharing. My mother passed away early Feb - we had a memorial for her and a burial on separate days (burial was today 3/3/2020). Even the hardest of men grieve for the mother - and I am not the hardest... Like as discussed by others I called the ambulance initially due to the fact that she had semi fainted (more on that later) and I really did not think her condition was so severe. I mean she had Parkinson’s tremors but nothing else that we knew of or so we thought - after testing it was understood she had cancer (to this day I still am not sure of its origin) most likely the colon. She was in the hospital for 10 plus days and I saw her deteriorating pretty rapidly. What the hell happened-I keep asking. You see I was my mother caretaker - she lived with me or I lived with her as my employer allowed me to work from home (just me no siblings). For months in fact I saw my mother declining but it was pretty slow - then this. Today I am a broken man. My mom was everything to me and grief - I did not know grief until the lost of my mother. (I lost my father over 10 years ago) and although I am approaching middle age - I feel so vulnerable. But thank you all for sharing - I have been blaming myself for not putting my mother in a home or not finding this cancer. I have been told I am I model son because I took care of my mother and held her had and literally and figuratively saw her last breath. This is not easy as I am haunted by all of it... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members gigi16 Posted March 6, 2020 Members Report Share Posted March 6, 2020 On 3/3/2020 at 8:01 PM, HummingbirdBlues said: Hi Becca and Gigi, I'm new to the motherless daughters club, too. My Mom passed away exactly 1 week ago. It was only 11 days after receiving a new aggressive cancer diagnosis. It went really quickly. I too feel like you both. Some moments are fine and other moments I wish I could just smell her old sweater over and over again. The world hasn't stopped, and I had to go back to work. I am still trying to figure out if that is a good idea. I don't really have a choice. How do you both feel about how others have "showed up" for you? I'm feel empathy for those I know who just don't know how to grieve, but I'm feeling very bitter towards my Bible study friends who say we are going to "do life" and all I've received are texts. I suppose a loss like this shows you who is a ride or die friend and who is an acquaintance. How do you both feel about this? What's your experience been like? Sending positive thoughts and support to you both. Hi Hummingbird, It is a sad club to be in. I really think only people who have gone through it can truly understand. I'm very sorry to hear about the loss of your mom. I completely know the feeling of the world not stopping. Once my mom passed I didn't feel like part of regular society anymore. I also went to work and it all seemed so pointless. I am now using some of my bereavement leave because I had to fly my mom back to my home state to bury her. I've received some really nice messages and support from some friends but I am also resentful about how some people didn't come through that I feel should have been more responsive to my mom's passing. I know exactly what you mean about finding out who is a ride or die. My mom's funeral was on a weekday afternoon and some extended family members (mostly younger people) didn't even take off half an hour during lunch from work to attend. I am in my late 30s so it's not like I don't understand what it's like to have a busy life and work full time. My mom was the kindest, most selfless person I've known and I am angry at those people for not even sending me a message. Sending positive vibes and support to you too! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mimi89 Posted March 6, 2020 Members Report Share Posted March 6, 2020 On 3/3/2020 at 11:45 AM, Becca4 said: My mom passed away last Thursday 2/27 at 79 years old and I can’t believe she is gone as she was just diagnosed with cancer 2/6 and this happened so fast. Just after New Years 2020 she noticed the lymph nodes in her clavicle area were increasing in size so she had CT scans and a biopsy and it wasn’t until 2/18 that we learned it was non-small cell lung cancer. She never smoked and took care of herself and the doctor said there were many new treatments available and gave us hope, stating she had 6 months left with no treatment. I live out of state and came home to be with her for another biopsy 2/14 and stayed longer as she was hospitalized for a blood clot in her lungs and fluid build up around her heart and lungs which was caused by the cancer. I am self-employed with clients waiting for me to return after being gone 2 weeks and I was running out of my medicine so my mom encouraged me to return home on Sunday 2/23 with plans to be back the following weekend. She appeared to be doing well and not having a negative response to the chemo given in the hospital. My sister who lives close by caught a cold the next day and also couldn’t be with mom due to my mom’s immune system being compromised. I felt so upset to not be with my mom after I returned home but planned to travel to see her in a few days and talked to her on the phone twice a day while she was in the hospital. They were hoping to discharge her to a rehab facility that week. My sister received a call Thursday morning 2/27 that my mom was non-responsive and then 10 minutes later received a call that she had passed, the nurse saying she “slipped away”. I feel incredibly guilty for leaving and that neither my sister or I were with her the last 3 days she was alive. Before I left, my sister said I shouldn’t go home as things were progressing quickly but I talked talked it through with my mom and she said I should get back to work, stating we had a long road of ahead of us with many treatments and possibly hospice. I never could have imagined my mom only has a few days left and I feel so horrible for leaving. My mom was my best friend, and as I am single, she helped me with so many things in my life. We traveled together and she visited me several times a year, sometimes staying with me for a week, and I talked to her almost every day. Right now I really want to call her as she has helped get through every difficult situation in my life. I can’t stop crying and find it difficult to eat or sleep, all I want is my mom. The only thing that gives me some comfort is knowing she was a person of faith and is in heaven. I am single too and really have no one I just can’t seem to accept it it hurts so bad I really need someone to talk to to that understands I’m so scared 2676248153 My name is Milan please Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Deb366 Posted April 3, 2020 Members Report Share Posted April 3, 2020 Hi everyone, My mom passed away 3/4. I still cant say "died". Sometimes I almost feel that they want to spare us the last moments. A last protective mom action. My mom had a heart attack, had a balloon to open an artery it went fine. No open heart surgery. At 5 am I went home to let my pups out and sleep a bit my dad stayed with her. I kissed her and told her I loved her. She was very comfortable, no pain. Making jokes as usual. I called the next day and my dad said take your time shes sleeping. So I went to the bank. I also parked in the wrong spot and had to walk fifteen minutes to the ICU. When I got off of the elevator my dad was there across the hall with a pastor type person. I said How is she? He said casually Well things took a turn for the worse. I said What do you mean? He said Well she passed away. He wasnt crying, the pastor person said Your mom died. I was like who the hell is this??? I was so upset that I was "late". If I hadnt gone to the bank, if my father hadnt said take your time I maybe would have gotten there before she passed. But they worked on her for a half an hour. I would have been hysterical. Maybe she didnt want me to see that. Maybe it ended the way she wanted it to. I dont know its just a theory as I try to survive this loss. Ive had friends disappoint me, Ive had good days then end of the world days, its the worst thing Ive ever gone through. I am single too. I think we all wonder if we could have done more. Its a human condition to think that way but we all did our best. Even when someone is sick we dont expect the worst. At least I didnt. I did have a horribly sick feeling on my way back to the hospital. Still it was like being shot hearing the news. I got no hugs. I had to call my uncle back who I had just talked to telling him what had happened. Just horrifying. I am afraid for the world, but Im thankful to be off from work now. I work with kids and still Im not close to ready. Im wishing everyone strength and peace. Deb Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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