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Rebecca Ward Murphy

Extended grief pattern

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Rebecca Ward Murphy


I am new to this forum. I am not sure how people find the courage to start a new topic but here goes.

I would like to chat with anyone who wants what has been termed by my GP as an ‘extended grief pattern’ with regards the death of my father. He died very suddenly in 2005 of an aortic aneurism complication in theatre following a very short illness (couple of weeks). I realise that this is a very long time ago but I still can’t come to terms with it. I feel that I could have saved him if I had been more physically present in the days before this event happened. I don’t know how I keep going without him despite having a very loving and supportive husband and a wonderful daughter. I find making important decisions difficult. I used to ask my Dad for advice about all the important stuff. I should grow up and get over that. I am not a child any more. (I am 48!)

I don’t understand counselling. How can talking make it/anything better? How can talking help me balance out my feelings of such a deep loss? I also lost my mum in a very sudden death but wasn’t as connected with her as I was my Dad. So is that also affecting these feelings? It feels like such a mess... Anyway I have contacted CRUSE to start the process.

Thank you for reading, Rebecca



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Dear Rebecca,

I hope the counselling will help. I have been reading about complicated grief or bereavement. Because you felt close to your dad and wanted so much to help him and save him, I think these feelings are natural. It is hard to lose a parent. Our anchor is no longer there and it is unsettling and we all wish we could go back in time and make different choices. I know different things work for different people. See how the counselling goes. I found this article helpful:





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