Members Wills Fiance Posted September 14, 2019 Members Report Share Posted September 14, 2019 Aug 27th 2019. The worst day of my life. Here we are, planning for a wedding 7 months before. Venue paid 8 months before. Purchasing my dress 10 days before. Closing on a home 4 days before. Talk about superstition. Yes all this, before the love of my life, soul mate, father of my child, was snatched out our lives by the hands of someone else. I can't express the kind of emotion I felt that day. My 7yo daughter and her father were together when he was shot dead in his car. The only thing I've thanked God for that day was because she was sleep and still breathing. THATS IT! I spoke to my fiance just 1 hour before. He told me they were 15 minutes away. I waited and waited. Strangest thing, my soul was sad. My best friend called and told me a cop called her asking for me. I thought it was a joke. I called Will. He always answered. This time he didn't. My stepmom called. I'm panicking. She told me she got a call my Will was shot and my daughter is with him. God it hurts. My daughter was in the back seat and could have been ripped from my life too. My whole world crashed in 2 hours. We've been together for 10 years. I never knew a love so sweet, so genuine, so pure. He understood me. He helped with my anxiety, he knew exactly how bad it got. He's not here anymore to tell me it'll be alright and to wrap his long arms around me, and just stay. This hurts so bad. We had so much to look forward to. Will was an amazing father to our baby. My daughter is so strong. Stronger than me. How can you be around him everyday, spoiled by him everyday, to not speaking of him at all? I told her it's ok to cry but she just hates to see me cry. She'll wipe my tears and try to make me smile. I hate that she has to carry me sometimes. This is so hard. He did everything for us. HE WAS A MAN. Sometimes I feel like I've taken him for granted. Sometimes I feel like we were too happy and I should have humbled myself. I don't want to feel guilt because I know my love is, and will forever be true for him. I miss him so much it hurts. He was our center piece. I wake up everyday with a gut tugging feeling in my stomach knowing I have to go through a new day without him. This is a different kind of sorrow. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted September 14, 2019 Moderators Report Share Posted September 14, 2019 Wills Fiance, I am so sorry, there are no words. Joy also went through this. I don't understand people, how anyone could do this. I'm sorry for you, sorry for your little girl. I will pray for you, I know it sounds hollow, but you will need prayers to carry you in the days ahead. It was hard enough to lose my husband, just after his 51st birthday to a heart attack, it was a shock, but to go through this, I can't imagine. This is a good book for helping children with grief: https://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/082981180X/griefheal07-20 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Wills Fiance Posted September 14, 2019 Author Members Report Share Posted September 14, 2019 Thank you. Yes this is so tough, and it won't get any better. I just believe I will learn to live through it. Thank you for the recommendation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members foreverhis Posted September 15, 2019 Members Report Share Posted September 15, 2019 17 hours ago, Wills Fiance said: I just believe I will learn to live through it. Welcome. You've found your way to a wonderful group of people. We have all lost our soul mates. Though our stories are individual, in so many ways they are the same. The feelings of hopelessness, helplessness, anger, confusion, and so much more. We all live with them day and night. Some of us had decades together; others only months or a few years. Some of our losses are new and raw like yours; others are further down the path. I am so sorry you have lost the love of your life in such a horrible way. As Kay mentioned, our member Joy has had a recent experience very much like yours. I am hoping she will come and talk to you as she understands in a way I cannot. Cancer is a bastard and it killed my dearest, so though my pain is no less, my experience is different. I can barely begin to understand the evil that must exist for one person to take another's life. It's a small miracle and grace that your daughter was spared, but that's going to be little comfort in the times to come when you both have to face the future without a loving husband and father. You should definitely check out the book Kay listed. Explaining death to children adds another layer of difficulty. Our granddaughter was nearly 10 when her adored and adoring "best grandpa ever" died. We never lied to her about anything and she was amazing with her grandpa at the hospital the last time they were together, but she is a child and has challenges that are different from what her mom and I face. It sounds as if you have already come to understand one of the hardest things: We do not "get over" this, ever. Period. I urge you to ignore platitudes, unasked for and unwanted advice about what to do, and our society's pathetic desire to pretend death and grieving are simply blips in time that we can put behind us and "move on." If there is someone in your life who you trust completely and who will let you simply be however you need to be, please reach out to that person. If others are too intrusive or hurtful, ask them to leave you alone for now. But don't turn away those who truly can help you. Be specific when someone asks if they can help. For example, you could say, "I am not up to going grocery shopping today. Since you asked, it would really help me if you'd take my list and shop for me." At 14 months, I am just now figuring out ways to incorporate my grief into the life I am living now. You must navigate all of this while still caring for your beloved daughter. Please, please do not forget to take care of yourself, both for your daughter's sake and your own. And please do not try to hide your grief from her. There is no shame and no fault in letting her see you grieve. If you try to pretend you are "okay," then she may think that's how she should behave as well. And hiding from our grief never works in the long run. Our granddaughter was very calm and composed for 2 weeks after my love died. Then one day our daughter called to tell me "the volcano has erupted" because our granddaughter could not hold it in any longer and absolutely lost it for 2 full days. My heart goes out to you and your daughter. Please come here often to rant, to talk, to cry, or for any reason at all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted September 15, 2019 Moderators Report Share Posted September 15, 2019 On 9/14/2019 at 7:14 AM, Wills Fiance said: I will learn to live through it. And this is the tough part but also our encouragement. (((hugs))) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Wills Fiance Posted September 15, 2019 Author Members Report Share Posted September 15, 2019 Thank you. I have ordered the book. I pray it helps us. I am waiting on the volcano to erupt with my daughter. The only time she cried is when I told her. I don't hide when im sad or crying, she always comforts me and says it's ok, he's still here with us. I just don't understand how a 7yo is holding up like this. The person she sees every single day is no longer with us. There's days I just feel like I can't go on. I have to be strong for her but this is so hard. I just wish I could rush this process so I don't feel like this anymore. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted September 16, 2019 Moderators Report Share Posted September 16, 2019 It could be that it hasn't hit her yet, or that she's trying to be strong for you, IDK. The person that wrote that book was on my other grief site years ago, under a different name, I don't remember it now, but she was a nice person, a good writer. I remember her blogs. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Wills Fiance Posted September 17, 2019 Author Members Report Share Posted September 17, 2019 What a really good book! She loves it! Of course she had a lot more questions that I couldn't answer completely, but she understands that Daddy can't come back and that he is at peace. Thank you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted September 18, 2019 Moderators Report Share Posted September 18, 2019 I'm glad it helped. https://www.amazon.com/Lifetimes-Beautiful-Explain-Death-Children/dp/0553344021/ref=as_li_ss_tl?_encoding=UTF8&pd_rd_i=0553344021&pd_rd_r=f8b8cfed-9353-11e8-9f63-a17243d71f23&pd_rd_w=ZO2F2&pd_rd_wg=ozHji&pf_rd_i=desktop-dp-sims&pf_rd_m=ATVPDKIKX0DER&pf_rd_p=2610440344683357453&pf_rd_r=5QQAS91TM2CXGV3MEX02&pf_rd_s=desktop-dp-sims&pf_rd_t=40701&psc=1&refRID=5QQAS91TM2CXGV3MEX02&linkCode=sl1&tag=grieheal07-20&linkId=a893e26379fbfb3c5cec66b7860fb7c7&language=en_US https://www.amazon.com/Invisible-String-Patrice-Karst/dp/031648623X/ref=as_li_ss_tl?_encoding=UTF8&qid=&sr=&linkCode=sl1&tag=grieheal07-20&linkId=8527285c9aeda6588d2fdef841b968ab&language=en_US Here's a list of more...you might see if your library can get these in: https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2011/11/using-childrens-books-to-help-with.html Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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