Learning on this journey

[ModKatB]

 

On the 9th of July it will be 17 months ago that I lost my husband to cancer and I have come a long way since the day he died. In the first few months I was in shock and time passed me by without me even caring. Then I started to come out of the fog and things got really bad for a while and when I found this website in September I was ready to just give up on life and thought seriously about ending it all. I made my first post on Sept. 9th (7 month mark) and it was a hard thing to do. I soon found many others that understood what I was going thru and had many kind and thoughtful replies to things that I posted. I had found a place to get out those things that were eating me up inside and a place where people listened and did not tell me I just needed to stop thinking about it or that I needed to stop talking about it and just get over it.

In the months that followed I have learned that grief does not have a specific time line and there are no right or wrong ways to grieve. We all have similar feelings of pain, anger, hurt, confusion, guilt, hate, despair and many others. But we all deal with these in different ways and things that may have given me a sense of relief or helped me won't necessarily be something that helps others. As I have said many times, grief is not a one size fits all thing, but hearing from others about the things that worked for them gave me something to think about and some possible things to try while I was dealing with everything. Knowing that I was not alone made a big difference to me also.

I still miss my husband and that won't change but what has changed is that it doesn't take my breath away to think about him now. The memories that once brought sadness and tears are now the memories that bring laughter and smiles when I think of them. 

I am not trying to tell anyone that any part of this journey is not painful and I am not trying to tell anyone that this journey is something easy to do. In fact I think this is one of the hardest things we will ever have to do and these feelings can bring the strongest of people to their knees.

What I am trying to say as best as I can is that there is HOPE and that there is a POSSIBILITY of better days somewhere down the road.

[Glenna G]

I also believe that there is no right or wrong way to grieve, but I'm still afraid I'm doing it wrong.  Eight and a half  months since my boyfriend was killed, my second loss, my husband died 20 years ago. I don't remember worrying about whether I was ''doing it right'' then, but now I'm afraid I sit home and wallow in my grief. I'm afraid that I'm keeping myself stuck in a place I can't get out of. But most of the time I'd rather be here alone than out with friends. I'm so happy that you are beginning to see hope and the possibility of better days ahead. I'm going to try to remember that you are feeling more optimistic. Bless you. 

[KayC]

14 hours ago, Glenna G said:

I'm afraid I sit home and wallow in my grief. I'm afraid that I'm keeping myself stuck in a place I can't get out of.

I don't think so, I think you're processing it.  When you feel it's the right time, you'll emerge into the land of the living more.  We do have to show patience and understanding of ourselves and accepting of our own way to do this.  

[Telly2018]

Tomorrow is my sweet Dennis' Wake and I feel the sickening in my stomach, nerves and emotions are everywhere and all I want is to hear his laughter, see his smile but it's gone. I'm really forgetful now, my days are just lost. I don't care to get out of bed but his sister makes sure I am out of the house..she too is hurting but she has her husband at the end of the day and I only have darkness....I try to pray but the thought of him clouds my thoughts. I could not focus in church..I feel just lost b and incomplete. 

[KayC]

it's okay if we can't articulate ourselves, God can read our heart...He knows what's there even when we can't find the words to express it.  So it's today...praying for you Hon.

[Billie Rae]

telly2018
My heart is with you.
The confusion and fog are normal,I had a lot to focus on in the first 3 months as I had to leave our home so for survival I had to focus but now that all my immediate needs are done the fog has set in deeper than ever,can't remember things have to make post it's all over and deep malaise,a whole bunch of who cares?
I'm sure we eventually get through it but for now I really don't feel like myself.
Hugs on this sad day

Sent from my LG-TP260 using Grieving.com mobile app

[Telly2018]

 Thank you so much, the service was nice..still unreal though. Taking it one day at a time..

[ModKatB]

1 hour ago, Telly2018 said:

Taking it one day at a time..

That is all we can do and sometimes it even becomes moment to moment. I know that things are hard now but one day there will be a change and while you never forget it does get a bit easier. 

[KayC]

16 hours ago, Telly2018 said:

 Thank you so much, the service was nice..still unreal though. Taking it one day at a time..

I'm glad it went well, I hope the good things that were said help to sustain you...one day at a time is my motto now.  I can't handle tomorrow, today is enough.

[Telly2018]

Absolutely, this is the hardest thing I've had to endure and there are just ao manu unanswered queations..I feel like my head ia going to burst. 

[KayC]

Those early days are so hard,my heart goes out to you.