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SamWeller

My sweet sister is gone

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SamWeller

My sister died on April 13th.

I am completely devastated.

 

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Nicole-my grief journey

Sam,

You’re in my thoughts. My heart goes out to you. In losing my two siblings I empathize with you. For me, I have felt many things. It felt like my heart was gone, I was missing half of me, a loss of identity, questions about the future and spinning out in my mind about having to go forward without those I love the most...and so many more feelings and emotions. Including the hurt of no longer having them physically here. Therapy has helped me process my grief and learn some coping tools. Writing and sharing about my sibling has helped. And walking a lot! I obviously cry and at times feel paralyzed in my grief. I suffer from depression and so I have to make sure I set up appointments and plans to be around others, even though I want to isolate. It’s like my world stopped and I was watching everyone else go along with their every day lives while I was in such deep suffering. The grief will change. I know that doesn’t help right now, but I want to offer some hope for the future because in the beginning of my grief journey I felt lost and like there could never be light again. That has changed for me with not denying or hiding my feelings, memorializing/ honoring my siblings and still doing things we used to do together when I felt ready and up for it. Please continue to share with us. We care. 

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SamWeller

Your words are a bright light in an otherwise dark road I am walking down. Sometimes I feel like joining my sister. I am crushed beyond belief.

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Nicole-my grief journey

Hugs Sam,

I know that darkness. The complete feeling of devastation. Please keep holding on. It’s worth holding on. I didn’t think my feelings and emotions would change. I went minute by minute, then hour by hour and now I go day by day. It has become more bearable with time and I truly felt it never would. I was emotionally shredded and didn’t eat, couldn’t get out of bed, showering felt like a hard, exhausting task. I felt like I couldn’t go out into the world and interact with people and I didn’t want to. It’s a scary, lonely spot to be in. Please make sure you are checking in with a least one person you trust. For me, I checked in with a friend (even if just texting an emoji to let her know I was still here) and I checked in with my therapist. Looking back I’m so glad that I did. It kept me going. I miss my brothers laugh, how we knew each other better than anyone else, his nicknames for me, his big brown eyes, things he did that drive me crazy like only siblings can do. I miss sharing my thoughts with him, hearing about his day, how he was so loving towards my parents. I miss all of that and so much more. 

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