Living with Loss

[KayC]

3 minutes ago, +Jeffrey+ said:

Keep yourself busy and focus on today! Not the concerns of tomorrow!  You can deal with tomorrow, tomorrow!

So funny you said that.  I post one scripture a day on FB.  Today I was looking for something that would cry out to me and say, "Post me!"  and I ran across it.  This morning's verse was Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is it's own trouble. Matthew 6:34

This morning Arlie didn't want to finish his walk.  He stumbled.  He looked like he was having a hard time thinking.  He was panting.  I took him home.  Eleven more days...it's weird how there's ups and you question your decision and downs and you wonder if he can make it that long.  It's a weird journey, for sure.

[KayC]

Last night I called to check on my son's Croup, he sounds much better, only "barking" 2-3 times a day now.

He invited me to come to his house after we bury Arlie, it might be just what I need, a dose of my grandkids.  His wife will be gone the following day so I'll stay to Sat. night or Sun. am.
Processing more every day...getting more accustomed to the ups and downs.

[KayC]

Can't get Arlie to eat his breakfast this morning, I even made a new batch, mixed egg in with it, so he finally ate the homemade part but not the dogfood.  I even crumpled Doritos in it as I've been doing to coax him the last few days.  Caught the cat eating it.

Also he only had one stool yesterday, usually it's 2-3.  This morning he didn't go.  Really worried about him.

[foreverhis]

1 hour ago, KayC said:

Caught the cat eating it.

Typical, isn't it?  The cat goes after the dog's food and vice versa.

I think about you two every day and wish there was more we could do besides just send you love and as much comfort as we can.  Of course you're worried more each day.  It's so very hard to watch him leave you bit by bit, knowing that you can't change the outcome and knowing that he doesn't want to go.  The feeling of helplessness, frustration, and even anger (not at him) is all too familiar to me.

Try and remind yourself what the two of you have given each other, what you have had together, and how the two of you sustained each other through so many years.  Know that when the time comes George will be waiting for him.  It doesn't matter one whit that he never knew George in this life because they both love you so much that they will find each other.  Arlie will not be alone, of this I am certain.

It's so unfair for you to face this loss, for you to be the one left here now and again.  Sometimes I can't help but ask, "What the...?" when good people are challenged so much.  That's when I think to myself, "Somebody up there has got some explaining to do!"

I am sending big hugs to both of you.

[KayC]

I've told Arlie that he'll be with Skye (my granddoggy that lived with us for 3 1/2 years, he left us 9/3/13) and Miss Mocha (beloved cat that left us 6/3/16).  And I also told him he'd meet George, that he'd love him.

He finally ate his food after I added eggs to it.  This morning he doesn't want to come in and eat so I'll give him some more time.  BUT I was elated to see a huge pile in the yard!  I've been worried about him getting stopped up and that would NOT be comfortable.  Given his size, I really do need my son here with me when I have him euthanized and bury him.  Not to mention emotionally.

Don't discount how much help you've been, you and Joy, I couldn't get through all this without your support and my church's prayers. One of my sisters (the one trying to take my place as grandma to my grandkids) has yet to have called me.  It's been one of the hardest journeys I've had these past two months, but I know the harder part is yet to come, in just one week.  I don't know how I'll do it except I have no choice.  

Well going to go see if he's interested in eating yet...thanks for being here, all of you.

[+Jeffrey+]

Kay, I apologize if this is something you do not want to openly discuss, and I truly understand if not, but have you settled on a final resting place in your yard for Arlie? Keep in mind, if you plan to plant flowers you'll want a nice, sunny spot, especially one that gets plenty of morning sun. I had no planned spot for my Lady G., and this wasn't something I wanted to even think about while she was alive, yet, I worried about something bad happening to her all the time. I had buried my previous two cats near the base of a large live oak in my back yard, and after Lady G. was killed, this at least gave me an idea to bury her near another one of the large live oaks. I really don't have the greatest of spots to choose from in my back yard, but I did want her near one of those large oaks instead of right out in the open. As mentioned in her memorial thread, I did plant 3 double knock out roses (2 red / 1 pink) and all have grown very well and produced some beautiful roses for her. And another pink rose will be blooming soon! The grass I planted grew as well, but it has since died and looks bare out there once again. Now, some ugly crab grass has started growing back there. I've been dealing with a lot in my life lately with the death of my brother, and health issues with my father, so I have not been spending any time out back around her grave. I will get around to doing so, though. I want to plant some more, better quality grass, or maybe get some sod. 

Again, I apologize if you don't want to talk about this sort of stuff, and you certainly don't have to, just trying to help you avoid settling on a resting place that may not be the best in the long run. 

Bless you two, Kay. I know it's a difficult time.

[foreverhis]

17 hours ago, KayC said:

Well going to go see if he's interested in eating yet...thanks for being here, all of you.

Of course we are here for you and will see you through all of it.  And now, to be a bit of a nag:  Kay, are you eating?  We cannot allow you to let yourself get sick from the stress, pain, and grief you are feeling.  You've helped so many of us with the advice of remembering self care, but I'm going to remind you that the advice applies to you as well. 

I'm glad Arlie had a good poop today.  Funny the things that bring us cheer at times like this, isn't it?  It's also comforting to know that you're talking to Arlie about, well, heaven I guess.  What a wonderful thing that he will have beloved companions waiting for him, as well as George of course.

Both of you are in my thoughts and prayers every day.

[JoyR]

Happy Arlie's pooping well. I'm sure he feels relieved. Lol Can you imagine not pooping? No wonder he was acting up. He felt bloated and blocked. The alone took alot of energy he must've been drained after and wanted nothing but rest. 

I had a German Shepherd (pepper) huge like Arlie. Those piles weee enormous. Arlie's strutting around just fine now. 

I look at my Louis (Maltese) and I imagine you and Arlie together like us. Cuddling you (,if he sleep with u) mine does, but most of all I can vision you looking in those eyes. The eyes get me all the time .Full of expression without words. 

Im sure when you talk to Arlie he looks and stares as if he understands everything you're saying . It's amazing God made them this way. We have all the emotional feelings with our fur babies and get Joy ,love and everything from them and they don't talk . Amazing isn't it!. Unconditional love. I've cried like a baby Everytime I lost a pet by nature of stolen. Grieve them the same and would never want another. But i love animals so much I never close the door to me beginnings for another. I wish Arlie had babies that would've been nice... I literally feel like he's mine and I'm actually feeling hurt about this. It's like your child is leaving . And your aware of it. Ok stay positive Joy. Sorry. 

I put myself in your shoes mentally and emotionally I'm feeling sad because it's nothing I can do to help Arlie. Please eat as you would say and take alot of your own advice. It's very easy to console others but when it's you it's different. I know this hurts you. 

I don't want you to grieve again . You have been through enough already. How are you feeling? I don't know my mind wonders how you are feeling? If you're really ok?

[KayC]

Arlie needed out at 1:30 and I couldn't get back to sleep, finally got another hour, nothing restful though.  I'm exhausted.  Brought Arlie a treat to his doghouse this morning, he wasn't interested.  Got him to come in the house, brought him breakfast in bed, he wagged his tail appreciatively and actually ate it.  I don't want to pressure him.

Yes I'm taking care of myself although I feel depressed of course.  it's pouring rain and we need it but find it matches my mood...have been having thunder storms, I hope it doesn't start a fire.  The woods are dry in spite of the dousing of rain.

My son will pick the spot for Arlie as he will do most of the digging...it has to be away from trees and the septic system so that only leaves one area on my property as this place is heavily wooded with the forest in the back.  You can't dig a hole this size with tree roots in the way.  No, not wanting to talk about it yet.

This is a new experience even though I've lost many animals.  I've had nine dogs and ten cats in my lifetime.

[KayC]

Went to the vet (50 miles from here) yesterday to get the paperwork to fill out...I don't want to do it his last few minutes.  They told me they have to do an exam to determine his physical state before doing the euthanasia, some state law.  I just about lost it when she told me that.  I can't for the life of me find what I did with the blood test results so will have to call my former vet Monday.  The gal that made the appt. last Monday never mentioned anything about this so I want to talk with her again.

[catawampus]

Hi Kay,

That seems so harsh for the vet to make Arlie to go through more poking and prodding after all you've both been through. The final day is by no means a pleasant experience for anyone, regardless of how peaceful and stress-free we try to make it for our babies. It seems they would already have all the appropriate test results? Unless you were using a different vet? You may have mentioned that in a previous message, my apologies if I missed it.

And such a terribly long drive even under the best of circumstances. I'm fortunate to live in an area where I can have someone come to my home. I've had to help a couple kitties pass at the vet and I just hate that they are in a strange place filled with strange people, strange noises, and strange smells. I hope Arlie is at least comfortable going to your vet? My mom had to help her beloved dog pass at the hospital a couple years ago but her dog actually loved this particular vet and liked going there. And the vet was amazing, kind, thoughtful and loving. She sat with my mom and her dog in my mom's car in the parking lot and performed the procedure there. When it was done they cried together and she sat with my mom until she was able to drive home. That's an unusual experience I'm sure. Although when my Milkshake passed at the vet, afterwards, as I was crying, the doctor hugged me and honestly seemed to care. Then again, I do think these are the exceptions rather than the rule. Most vets I've been to seem either overworked or simply uncaring.

You've been going through so much lately. I imagine the stress and anxiety and sadness are taking their toll. When Arlie suddenly seems to enjoy his dinner I'm sure your heart feels a little lighter in that moment, even if knowing it's only a temporary victory.

This never gets any easier no matter how often we've gone through it. Each of our babies touches our hearts in their own special way. I now have six urns on my bookshelf. Six of my babies. There will be more. And there will be so much more sadness, so many more tears. But I would not trade my time with them for anything. We suffer as deeply as we love.

Please know, I'm thinking of you and Arlie. 

Biscuit's Dad

 

 

[foreverhis]

14 hours ago, KayC said:

They told me they have to do an exam to determine his physical state before doing the euthanasia, some state law.  I just about lost it when she told me that.

Well that just stinks.  (Truth:  Other words came to mind, but I decided to leave them there.)  I bet when they take one look at him, it will be  obvious.  I understand why vets and the state would want to prevent, "Oh, taking care of a pet has become a bother.  I'm going to put him/her down."  But for crying out loud, don't make it harder than it already is.  They should have told you on the phone so you could have sent them Arlie's medical information and blood test results.

[JoyR]

23 hours ago, KayC said:

Went to the vet (50 miles from here) yesterday to get the paperwork to fill out...I don't want to do it his last few minutes.  They told me they have to do an exam to determine his physical state before doing the euthanasia, some state law.  I just about lost it when she told me that.  I can't for the life of me find what I did with the blood test results so will have to call my former vet Monday.  The gal that made the appt. last Monday never mentioned anything about this so I want to talk with her again.

Oh no Kay I know this is stressful

[KayC]

I thought I had a copy of the blood test results but have ransacked my house and can't find it so will call the old vet today.  I have not been happy with VCA (big conglomerate), he gets different vets each time and the local one only comes up on Wednesday, otherwise we have to drive 1 3/4 hours away, they haven't been very kind to him so that's why I decided to choose a different place for this.  I went with a friend, whose dog had cancer, to this one a few months ago.

Last night I fell asleep at 6 as I just haven't been getting any sleep, so I missed Arlie's good time (after getting his Hemp oil) last night.  I hope I get some time with him today, he usually sleeps.  He went out at 2 am to pee and looked confused.  Got him in the house and then he wanted out to his dog house.

[JoyR]

Aww . I'm glad you switched him to someone else. They sound horrible. I swear I hate when animals ,our pets , are treated badly by humans. It really upsets me. Some people just act like they don't have feelings you know. They feel it when mistreated. I'm literally pissed off they're no being more considerate o Arlie being he's the one I'm pain. Dammit. 

But don't make yourself feel guilty for missing his happy time. You both needed the rest and rejuvenation . Arlie's a sweetheart I can tell. 

When they get old they act just like moody elders. He sometimes wants his space and other times attention. You've got to stop stressing. At least try. 

[foreverhis]

Hi Kay and Arlie.  I'm just checking in at the end of the day and sending you all the love in the world.

[JoyR]

How's everything going with you and Arlie?

[KayC]

Yesterday he had a pretty good day...I got this picture of him. He's still giving me memories. My neighbor came over today to get a "paw print" of him in paint...he freaked out and took off, black paint flying everywhere. Her baby was crying and I'm sure that added to it. I got it all cleaned up and him calmed down and stupid me, I had to try it again! Just got through cleaning it up again. 

[foreverhis]

Oh my.  Arlie clearly still has some spunkiness!  And look at that sweet face.  I had to laugh at your description, though I know what a PITA it is to clean up paint.

[JoyR]

To me Arlie's looking like what the hell is wrong with you people? What were you thinking? I don't like my paws touched I feel violated. What's that wet stuff on my paws mom?

He looks confused. 

[+Jeffrey+]

LOL Well, were you able to successfully get a paw print to keep or not?

Your baby is beautiful, Kay! 

Bless you two!

[KayC]

Nope, no paw print, but I have "Arlie's work of art" instead!

He did have a good day Monday, yesterday not so much.  He slept all day, clearly didn't feel well.  I keep telling him it won't be much longer.  God this is hard.

[KayC]

Anticipatory grief is like death in slow motion...but you still get hit with that final thud.

[KayC]

This morning Arlie wanted to walk down and see his favorite dog, Sammy.  They played for a bit and then he walked home, snail pace, panting, tired, but happy.  

[KayC]

Yesterday I fixed some elk/veg. soup, Arlie loved it.  This morning I put some in his dogfood, but nope, he held out for his morning egg.  I think of the things that's going to be hard after tomorrow morning, fixing eggs is one of them, taking walks is another.

[foreverhis]

On 8/14/2019 at 6:29 AM, KayC said:

Anticipatory grief is like death in slow motion...but you still get hit with that final thud.

Yes, it is.  All we can do is keeping loving them.  Not just until that last breath, but forever.  You're all too familiar with being the one left here on earth. There's not a damn thing fair about it.

Please, Kay, come here tomorrow if you can so we can send you our love, comfort, and support.  Talk to us.  I know it won't make things any easier or "better," but I believe it helps to know that there are people who care very much.  I'm going to be thinking of you both and giving God a good talking to about making sure Arlie's companions and George are there waiting for him.

Sending you both love right this minute!

[tlc]

Sending you both love from afar Kay and Arlie.

[KayC]

Tomorrow may be kind of hard, we have an early appt. 50 miles away then have to drive back here and bury him, no easy task.  Then we have to drive 2 1/2 hours to my son's.  I'm hoping my grandchildren will be a diversion and hope I'm not miserable company for them but don't know how I can be anything else.

Today has been hard for him, he's slept all day, lethargic, doesn't even get up for treats.  My heart is broken.

[KayC]

This was the hardest thing I've been through since losing George, it felt like that all over again.  I've had 23 dogs & cats in my life and this was by far the hardest.  I feel like I betrayed him, but I know with my head I did what was best for him.  I took him on his last walk, fixed his last breakfast, I gave him his Colitis homemade mixture plus scrambled eggs with cheese and mushrooms, he loved it!  My son and I both cried so much today and I have a lot of tears ahead of me...I am heartbroken.  

[catawampus]

Oh, Kay, I'm so sorry. It's just so completely devastating. You did so much for Arlie, gave him so much love and such a beautiful life. I know it's never enough. We aways want to do more. The futility of it is such a helpless feeling. But you made his last weeks and his final hours so special. Small comfort now but hopefully that will soon outweigh the tragedy of it.

Each time I imagine the next will be different, that I will make all the right decisions, but it's always too soon or too late. But better that Arlie was able to love today than suffer unnecessarily any longer. I wish I could have given that to my precious Biscuit Boy. 

The coming days will be so difficult and filled with so many tears. I hope you're able to find some solace in the beautiful life you gave him. The care and love and devotion you showed him every day, even his last. 

As you well know, there are no words that can ease this loss. But please know, my heart is with you and your family.

Biscuit's Dad

 

 

[+Jeffrey+]

Kay, I truly do feel your pain. As hard as this decision was, you know it was the right one to make. You did it out of love for your dear Arlie. Now he will no longer have to suffer. Not only did it take a lot of strength, but it took a lot of love to do what you did for him. And as catawampus said, you gave Arlie such a beautiful, long happy life. As he did the same for you. Arlie couldn't have picked a better mother than you. That sweet boy knew he was dearly loved to the very end.

Bless you and your family, Kay. Wishing you all the best during this difficult time. Hang in there.

Rest in peace Arlie 

[tlc]

So sorry Kay. My heart aches for you. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[KayC]

Thank you, all. 

I took him for his last walk, he got his last ride, he cried when they gave him the first shot, they'd said it was a brutal one. We laid on the floor with him while we were waiting for him to get sleepy, I kissed him and told him how good he was, and how much I love him.  My son and I both bawled, it was so hard.  I haven't had this much pain since my husband died, my heart was literally broken in two.

We laid him to rest in the back yard next to Skye...Skye was like a brother to him, he's been gone six years come 9/3.

I was privileged to have had this dog in my home, my family, my heart, he's been the best.

[KayC]

I needed your thoughts and prayers, it took everything within me to get through the day...but now I have all this time ahead to get through.

I fixed him scrambled eggs, cheese, mushrooms for breakfast, which he loved.  I gave him a can of catfood right before he was put to sleep, he loved it!  He'd always wanted some.

The veterinary office was amazing and compassionate.  They'd put a stack of blankets on the floor for him to lay on.  He cried when they gave him the shot, they told me it was brutal, I felt so bad for him. Then I just stroked his head and told him how much I loved him and what a good boy he was, and Paul and I bawled, we couldn't help it.  It was one of the hardest days of my life.  I haven't been in this much pain since George died, my heart is literally broken in two.  

I could not have made it through this without my son, he was a godsend.  He was so comforting, he also is grieving Arlie.  He hasn't had the benefit of time to see the changes, he hadn't seen him since his cancer so it hit him hard...you can hear about it on the phone, it's entirely something else to witness it.  Arlie was so happy to see Paul!  He rallied at the last, I think because of having Paul there.  I was disappointed that Jim never came to see him and my daughter never called.  I thank God for my son.  He not only dug the hole (I probably did 10%) and was with me through it, but he also fixed a plumbing issue and is going to look at my computer that is making noises it shouldn't.  

I know a lot of people don't realize how close you can get to your dog, but it's just been him and me these last 10 1/2 years  and I literally lived for him.  It feels like it did the day George died minus the anxiety and shock.  A husband's death impacts your life in more ways, but the closeness I've had with Arlie is amazing...he was the perfect dog for me.

Sometimes you only get perfect once...that was the case with George and I think it is with Arlie too.

[foreverhis]

13 hours ago, KayC said:

I feel like I betrayed him, but I know with my head I did what was best for him.

Yes, Kay, you did what was best for him because you love him so much.  We know that our logical heads are no competition for our grieving hearts when it comes right down to it.  Please try to listen to your head, even as your heart is broken once more.

I was thinking about you both yesterday and hoping that Arlie's last time with you on this earth was a peaceful morning.  I'm so sorry you are hurting deeply yet again.  I know what it is to have truly special furry baby.  There is nothing we can say or do to make it easier, but know that you are not alone and that we care about you very much.

Big warm, comforting hugs are coming to you from down yonder on the California coast.

[KayC]

Your prayers were answered, he did have a good morning his last day, for that I am so glad.  He enjoyed his breakfast, his walk, his ride, and he went peacefully.

[Filly]

I'm so very sorry, KayC.  I have stayed away awhile but have thought of you and Arlie often.  Something told me to log into tonight and check on you.  I'm so sorry to hear that your perfect boy is gone now and that you are having to deal with the burden of grief yet again.  It's good to read that your son was there for you and able to assist Arlie into his final resting place -- at home.  I know that means the world.  Even though we know that it is the final gift of love that we can give to our best friends, it doesn't help the hole left in our hearts.  I hope yours heals as you remember the good days.  Please take care of you!  ((((Hugs))))

[KayC]

I have been care-giving Arlie for so long, I feel at a loss now, like empty.  I'm used to getting up early and cooking for him, taking care of his needs, and in return he gave me so much joy and love!  I am getting choked up even now.

I've ordered a memorial stone for him and can't wait for it to come.  I called my go-to guy and left a message, I need some elderberry branches cleaned out around the grave and my arthritis isn't cooperating with my doing that kind of work anymore.  Waiting for a call back.  I need to nudge the roofer again about the pen roof, it needs flashing and I've been trying to get him out here for two years!. 

Spent hours washing Arlie's bed & furniture covers, trying to air the house out of the cancer smell.  I'm missing my baby, I don't know what to do, I took my first "alone walk" last night, I hate it.

[KayC]

It's hard for me to grasp how a dog so full of spirit and presence can just not be all of a sudden!  His spirit continues...somewhere.  I keep catching myself holding my breath and have to remind myself to breathe.  This house that was so full of his presence, his smile, his games, his love, his fervor...now is all too quiet...and lacking.

My heart is broken.  I miss you, Arlie!

[JoyR]

Hi @KayC

I know you are going thru alot emotionally. I feel so sorry for your loss. And I know it's like loosing a child . For me it was the same feeling of grief losing my baby. I cried for months. He was irreplaceable. I hate you're going through this again. I saved Arlie's photos even though I haven't met him. But I will add his story to my scrapbook along with other fur babies I've felt connection to. He will forever be In my thoughts, prayers and memories since I was prewarned and now it's a empty feeling as I wanted much more time to hear your journey together. 

I'll miss even the smallest details of your days with him. His hemp oils, it's character in general. 

Be blessed and feel better love

[KayC]

I intend to write stories about him in a thread...stories from his life.  I'm not ready yet.  I never want to forget any part of our life together.  I was so blessed to have him in my life, blessed beyond measure to have THIS particular dog!

[AJWCat]

KayC,

I've been away and hoping it had not yet happened. I am so so sorry for your loss of Arlie. I just read about his last day and last moments and your heartbreak. I know it's of little consolation - thank God you were there with him to the end, he was not alone, and he got cat food   and he was sooooo loved. Your soul-puppy for sure.   

That all said, I am heartbroken for you.  It's the sharpest pain - indescribable - and I know that nothing I can say here will change how you are feeling right now.  I wish that I could. Please know I've been thinking about you through this whole ordeal and will continue. And post when/if you can. You might remember, I did that often (it was just two years ago we lost our Cat and I posted pretty often or else I would have gone crazy. No one understands what you are going through like this group.   

[KayC]

I know, and I'm glad I have here to come to.  I know some people don't get it and perhaps think me over dramatic, but honestly, I feel like my heart is ripped clear out of me, like it's been stomped on and broken into little bits!  I miss my baby beyond description!  I sob and sob and he is still gone, nothing assuages my pain!   I am glad he is no longer laying here in pain and misery, no longer looking downcast.  So hard to let go, oh God, the hardest thing I've ever had to do!  I hope he knows how much I love him!  There was never a sweeter dog, never another like him!

[AJWCat]

19 minutes ago, KayC said:

I know, and I'm glad I have here to come to.  I know some people don't get it and perhaps think me over dramatic, but honestly, I feel like my heart is ripped clear out of me, like it's been stomped on and broken into little bits!  I miss my baby beyond description!  I sob and sob and he is still gone, nothing assuages my pain!   I am glad he is no longer laying here in pain and misery, no longer looking downcast.  So hard to let go, oh God, the hardest thing I've ever had to do!  I hope he knows how much I love him!  There was never a sweeter dog, never another like him!

I get it - we get it. I had no idea how painful the loss would be. My cat was 15, I knew we only had a few years left at best maybe less. I thought "yes I'll be sad losing him" but I had no idea either the true pain. The heartache. My heart literally ached. I don't think I've cried as much as I did either. I didn't know it was humanly possible. 

Arlie knew how much you loved him - no question or doubt. He was so adorable too. You had a wonderful life together. And you were able to let Arlie leave at the exact right time, the right way, with you. You of all people know that is a gift. So often people don't and the end is not of our choosing or without us.   

[broken duck]

It's weird how much we worry about "I hope they know how much we loved them"  - I think about this all the time. But if I step away I can see they must have known they were loved. I imagine Arlie could see it in your eyes and sense your heart all the time.  

[Filly]

There really is no other pain quite like the pain of grief for those we love the most.  It is a pain of the soul and rips your heart out.  Still thinking of you and know that you will find peace, but there will always be the hole in the heart.  Sometimes I think my heart is so full of holes that it is a wonder it still works at all.  

[KayC]

I do think Kitty is missing Arlie, or at least responding to my heart being ripped out of me.  She's hanging close to me...this cat that never showed affection...she knows we were a family and one of us is missing now.  I'm glad she cared for Arlie, I never would have believed it, but he really was sweet and considerate of her.  I think she aims to console me, but there really is no consolation. I take her feeble attempts and they mean a lot to me, but I feel inconsolable.

[+Jeffrey+]

Kay, I started writing down memories of Lady G. the day of her death, including all the nicknames I called her often. Just wanted to write down as much details about her that I could before I forgot something. I wrote a lot of things down, and did so over the next few months. Every time I had a memory come back to me, I'd write it down. I wrote about her favorite places she liked to lay around the house. I documented everything I could think of to add to her life story. I was a mess for several months, and writing about her helped in a way. I still add a few things about her that pops in my head. Later on, I'll piece it all together for her life story.

And I think Kitty being there to comfort you is the sweetest thing. Animals are smart, Kay. And I truly believe that she knows you're hurting. 

Hang in there, Kay. You're going to be fine.

[KayC]

I started writing down memories before Arlie died, but am not able to continue yet, I will though and when I am ready to resume, I will post them in a thread here.  I think, as you expressed, it will be cathartic.  Someone on my other forum did that once and we all looked forward to his stories...we were sad when he abruptly stopped.

[TAM1]

KayC - I hurt for you so there aren't so many words for me to say, and you know where I'm coming from. So many are here listening, sending messages, just being present.