Are you experiencing physical effects of grief?

[Moment2moment]

I have been. I am not talking about physical effects produced by illness or injury or aging. I mean physical effects caused by bereavement itself.

My overall health is good at my age. I have always been a high energy person, even as a caregiver over the past 3 years where I was actually doing lots of rigorous physical activity caring for a bedbound spouse.

No doubt all of that plus the emotional stress has taken a toll on my body, but after 9 months I felt I should experience an increase in stamina after eating good, staying hydrated, getting good sleep, and walking a lot.

But I just can't consistently shake it off. There is this fatigue factor laced by body ache and low energy that seems to come from the emotional pain and drain of grief.

Do you experience this? What is it like for you? Just wondering what others are going through.

[Brazil Man]

I have no physical suffering but the psychological suffering is enormous.

[tlc]

I have lost an enormous loss of weight.

I know that I did not eat very much for some months after Terry died. But, gradually I started to eat and tried to eat healthily as he and I had done during the years of his fight with prostate cancer. When you know what you kow about diet and disease, it sinks in. But I lost so much weight that when I looked at myself in the mirror, it was like looking at a skeleton.

I don't eat a lot but when I do it's healthy vegeatable and protein. I grow my own veggies. I even eat biscuits, cake and ice cream occasionally but no weight is being gained. I am tending not to worry about it too much. What's the point?? I can only do the best that I can do. I am not happy and just trying to see my time left as best as I can. If that makes sense to anyone.

 

[KayC]

I lost weight at first but then I did the emotional eating thing and gained weight.  The lack of sleep made it hard to function.  I quit sleeping in our bed, it was a reminder of his being gone.
This article explains some of what we go through physically...
https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2013/03/physical-reactions-to-loss.html

[HPB]

24 minutes ago, KayC said:

I lost weight at first but then I did the emotional eating thing and gained weight.

Exactly the same here. I lost 20 pounds in one month (and I was not overweight before), but meanwhile regained at least 10 of them  ...eating as "compensation", eating "to fill the void".

Another physical aspect is feeling the sudden loss of partner in the brain. The loss of the love of my life felt (and still feels) like an amputation itself, but additionally it really physically felt like a part of my brain itself was amputated, or in painful cramps.

And last but not least; when I look in the mirror (what I don't like to do anymore), then it appears that in less than one year I got older by 10 years.

 

[JES]

Same with me.  I lost weight first couple months but now gaining back little by little. I had physical pain at first but now I just have no energy and the fatigue.... I really have to push myself to get even little household tasks done. Kevin used to say I was like a hummingbird, always moving, so I was never like this until now.  Im also a pretty healthy person, used to doing, and I really don't like feeling like this on top of the mental pain.

[Sunflower2]

grief is exhausting.  Since we are all so different in how we process life changes sometimes a quick google on "physical symptoms of grief"  is so very simplified and easy. 

Personally I did lose weight.  It did return. 

Fatigue that is indescribable.

Some experience a weakened immunity system. 

Aches and pains.  They seem to come from out of no where and for me they feel intense. 

Psychological suffering is intense but one can't dismiss or diminish the physical toll and symptoms that do partner in with a loss.

My energy level/physical being is low.   A friend shared this: "learning to work with what you have now and not looking back will be your new norm."  For me this is a very helpful reminder in attempting to increase my physical stamina but it's still difficult to change that re-wiring after my loss. 

beyond this ….no words. it is a struggle  and an intense one. 

[Sunflower2]

10 hours ago, Moment2moment said:

I have been. I am not talking about physical effects produced by illness or injury or aging. I mean physical effects caused by bereavement itself.

My overall health is good at my age. I have always been a high energy person, even as a caregiver over the past 3 years where I was actually doing lots of rigorous physical activity caring for a bedbound spouse.

No doubt all of that plus the emotional stress has taken a toll on my body, but after 9 months I felt I should experience an increase in stamina after eating good, staying hydrated, getting good sleep, and walking a lot.

But I just can't consistently shake it off. There is this fatigue factor laced by body ache and low energy that seems to come from the emotional pain and drain of grief.

Do you experience this? What is it like for you? Just wondering what others are going through.

YESSSS!  For me it's another lost part of me.  what was no longer is. 

10 hours ago, Moment2moment said:

But I just can't consistently shake it off. There is this fatigue factor laced by body ache and low energy that seems to come from the emotional pain and drain of grief.

that is where the frustration comes in. I physically simply can't do it consistently.  We need to remind ourselves that grief IS exhausting.  Even though I do that it doesn't always help.  I get frustrated and than realize I'm exhausted so I lay low. When I do this I lose the consistency you speak of.  So the yoga practice, daily routines, social contacts, any contacts actually, gym workouts all get set aside.  I guess I'm blessed for the occasional day of everything feeling I've got this.  The ups and downs, twists and turns of this process. 

I even try to reverse it with a thought of gratitude. That doesn't always work either on this journey.  so we bounce around doing the best we can. 

warm thoughts.  

[JES]

Good to know sunflower2.  We need to work at it consistently to help keep our " good endorphins " up is what Im getting from what you said.  Its easy to lay around and do nothing but feel sad.  I have hard time doing normal things but love to get outside and breathe fresh air.  I've always loved to shovel snow so I find myself outside doing that often... that is my exercise at this point.  No matter where we are at in this journey, it just looks like these are things we will have to go through at some point.  Keep safe to those with bad weather, and hopefully we will all eventually get through this awful journey.

[foreverhis]

Yes, I continue to experience physical symptoms from grief.

My weight issue is different from many of you.  I was a bit overweight before he got diagnosed, in part because of my own auto-immune conditions and the medications, in part because of age.  But we had always eaten well with lots of local fruit and veggies, lean meats, and moderate portions of fresh and whole foods, with the occasional treats for good measure.  What omnivore doesn't like a good juicy cheeseburger with fries and a real milkshake from time to time or a slice of really good homemade pie a la mode?  I was vigilant about doing my physical therapy and what exercise my doctors recommended.  Even on days I was in severe pain or very fatigued, I did what I could.

During the year of his illness, I gained 20 lb even though I wasn't eating or drinking more.  I have not lost one pound of it, despite eating properly and getting back into my PT routines.  My doctor says that mine is one of those metabolisms that reacts strongly to cortisol.  I've been "pumping it out" like crazy for 18 months now and apparently it's saying to my body, "Hey, something is really wrong, so hold on to every ounce of fat possible, just in case."  Great.  My doctor has said that grief causes as much or more stress as caregiving, thus the weight keeps hanging on.  So 35 lb are just sitting there, laughing at me.  He believes that over time my hormones will settle into more normal levels for my age.

This extra weight makes me emotionally stressed and worsens my physical symptoms--I can't even wear more than half my clothes right now.  That adds to my depression, which adds to my insomnia, which makes my fatigue worse, which makes everything else hurt.  And that fatigue?  It's as bad as it's ever been, but I have trouble sleeping.  I can't seem to stop thinking about the "what if's" and how much I miss my love.  A vicious circle if ever there was one.

I'm also getting headaches, which I never really had before.  My eyes literally hurt most days, probably due to crying so much.  I'm pretty sure I've been clenching my teeth at night because my jaw hurts sometimes.  Even my skin hurts some days and is causing me problems.  I have mild psoriasis as a secondary condition.  It's usually very easy to control.  In the past few months, I've had a number of small infections because of it.  I've never had those before.  I think my whole immune system is so over-stressed that I'm vulnerable to any number of problems.

But worst in some ways is that my heart actually aches.  I can feel a tightening in my chest and pain that sometimes surrounds it.  I've checked and know it is not a heart attack or heart disease, but it feels like it sometimes.  It's worse when I get anxious or feel an edge of panic.

Grieving sure takes a toll on our bodies.

[SSC]

looks like I'm in the same boat as everyone else.  I initially lost 20 lbs.  Pretty sure I'm on my way to gaining it back by "emotional eating."  I am aware of this and I'm trying to temper it moving forward... I get horrific migraines when I'm stressed so that's what ive been dealing with lately.  2-3 a week where I'm physically ill and can see. Totally ruins my whole day.  And of course like HPB, I feel like Ive aged 10 years.  I certainly feel like it.  Grieving isn't for sissys, that's for sure.

[foreverhis]

11 hours ago, HPB said:

And last but not least; when I look in the mirror (what I don't like to do anymore), then it appears that in less than one year I got older by 10 years.

Yep, me too.  It's not just the weight.  I look in the mirror and wonder how that happened.  I mean, I'm not young, but this is like "Poof!" and I no longer look middle-aged, just old.

[Glolilly]

This was something that really really baffled me for a long time about 3-6 months out from my husbands death. My ribs and chest hurt bad. I had bad indigestion and nothing seemed to help. I soon read that grief could exhibit in physical ways and that some had physical characteristics and changes on X-rays and scans with their heart, brains and stomach. I got scared and decided I would do what I could to preserve my health for my young adult sons who are still in college and are not working. I started meditations, relaxing to soft massage music. I started taking St. John wort, melatonin, Tylenol to sleep. I started walking more. I started eating more healthy salads, filtered water ( Pur pitcher). I stopped letting people talk to me a long time and I stopped trying to recite what happened that fatal day and soon the ailments disappeared. I was exhausting  myself to please people. No more. 

[JES]

Glolilly,  I totally get this, I started taking zantac for minor stomach issues, mostly stress related I think. I do a melatonin and tylenol at night, it helps me sleep better.  I don't like to run into people I know because I don't want to tell Kevins story again and again. They ask me how I'm doing and I keep it short,  I don't always know what to say so I just say I'm ok or I' m adjusting...and leave it at that.   I upset myself more by going over and over it.  I eat fairly healthy but could do better....and need to remind myself to drink more water. Am learning to take better care of myself!  

[foreverhis]

4 hours ago, Glolilly said:

I stopped letting people talk to me a long time

I bet that had a lot to do with you starting to feel better.  For me, it's exhausting spending long periods of time with people.  I was nearly a hermit for the first 4 months, except for our two closest friends-family who visited and stayed with me for a number of weekends.  We've been chosen family for 30 years and they are so sensitive and caring that they offered to book a room at an inn that's close to our home.

I've slowly started spending bits of time with other people, but have real limits on how much I can handle.  But it's the phone calls from some family and friends that are hardest.  I'll be honest:  I often screen calls.  If I'm not up to talking to someone who likes to chat on and on, and even though I know they mean well, I let it go to voice mail and then call them back when I feel up to it.

Good for you for taking a stand for yourself and your health.  It's nice to hear that you are doing well.  That gives me hope.

[KayC]

Everything changes when you lose your spouse!  I'm heavier than I was, aged, lost energy but then I wasn't sleeping, anxiety was full bore, my brain wasn't functioning like it used to, not sure I ever got that back completely.  I couldn't read a book for enjoyment for ten years, took me a year just to be able to watch t.v., because my focus wasn't there! 

 

[Billie Rae]

Yes I too have aged overnight.My skin is dull I wake often my legs ache my hair is falling out.some days I forget to eat some days I over eat.lost 35 lbs in the caregiving months and was only 135 so I look like a scarecrow and my pants fall down.ah water I forget to drink it and get dehydration.Grief is physical

Sent from my LG-TP260 using Grieving.com mobile app

[JES]

@Billie Rae.      Yes it takes a toll. I drank alot of Boost, Ensure, etc. as I had no appetite. Its was easier to drink than eat. My daughterinlaw,  an Np was very concerned.  She' d have me get on scale every time she came over, and bring me shakes etc.  At 2 month point my appetite came back and I eat all the time now. I too couldnt afford to lose, down to 98# at that point.  Up to 108# now.  Hang in there, it will get better.  I too, feel Ive aged 10 years. Water helps, so very important but just another thing easy to forget. Grief is definitely physical.  Prayers for your days to get easier.

[Billie Rae]

@Billie Rae.      Yes it takes a toll. I drank alot of Boost, Ensure, etc. as I had no appetite. Its was easier to drink than eat. My daughterinlaw,  an Np was very concerned.  She' d have me get on scale every time she came over, and bring me shakes etc.  At 2 month point my appetite came back and I eat all the time now. I too couldnt afford to lose, down to 98# at that point.  Up to 108# now.  Hang in there, it will get better.  I too, feel Ive aged 10 years. Water helps, so very important but just another thing easy to forget. Grief is definitely physical.  Prayers for your days to get easier.

jes,I don't know about others,I also forget personal care.I shower but forget lotion,forget if I washed my face at night or what cloths I wore the day before.I have not"put on my face"since it happened and I don't even care.guess it saves me a ton of money.lol.(sadly)

Sent from my LG-TP260 using Grieving.com mobile app

[JES]

@Billie Rae     I still have hard times with showering/ I love baths more.  I always, always took bath everyday, sometimes two if I needed it.  It is such a struggle and so much work these days and yes, at times I let it go.....just can't get up the energy at times. And at times I wear the same clothes couple days...I'm alone..whos going to care how I look?  My dogs don't care.  Im not a slob, never have been, just no energy.....same with makeup. I do know when I put makeup on, bath and clean clothes I do feel better. Lets hope this too, improves with time. 

[JES]

@Billie Rae    Like today, my clean clothes in bathroom, waiting for me to take a bath. I need one, shoveled and snow blowed today so I sweat alot...but too tired at this point, so later I' ll push myself to do it. Not that I care but I know it' ll make me feel good.  

[Billie Rae]

[mention=412480]Billie Rae[/mention]    Like today, my clean clothes in bathroom, waiting for me to take a bath. I need one, shoveled and snow blowed today so I sweat alot...but too tired at this point, so later I' ll push myself to do it. Not that I care but I know it' ll make me feel good.  

I understand.I sit at my makeup table and stare into space until I run out of time to do it.laundry is hard too there is so little of it.My aches and pains make me go sit down"just for a little bit"and I'm not even that old.

Sent from my LG-TP260 using Grieving.com mobile app

[foreverhis]

2 hours ago, Billie Rae said:

I have not"put on my face"since it happened

I think that's just as well for me for the same reason I've stopped putting on my eye cream most days:  I'd just cry it off in an hour.

[JES]

I used to love fixing up and looking good for Kevin. He never failed to tell me I looked nice. He loved clothes, shoes, hats, jackets and always looked good. I wanted him to feel proud that he was with me.  We had mostly matching clothes ( his idea originaly) and every day he' d ask me what color or what I was wearing so he could wear same. People would remark how we matched and how cute we looked.  I look at myself today, no makeup, wearing a flannel shirt of his,  a big old jacket of his to my knees, his black wool hat with floppy ear flaps and I wonder what happened to the me that cared how I looked.  My happiness is gone inside of me...sure, people smile, I smile back, sometimes I laugh at something funny, but the joy I used to have is gone.  If someone were to give me a billion dollars, I still wouldnt feel happy.  I hope and pray someday some of the " happy" me will come back.  Its the me he loved,  the gal he fell in love with so many years ago.  At times he would look at me, smile, shake his head and tell me how goofy I was.  Will that person ever come back? Where did she go?

[foreverhis]

@JES  Oh, boy does that bring back memories.  I used to love to look pretty or cute or adventurous, whatever the occasion required.  My hubby liked me to look just a little bit sexy with my makeup and clothes when we'd dress up.  You know, still me but enhanced.  And he did enjoy if I showed a tad of cleavage sometimes.  I never minded taking the time to fuss because he appreciated my efforts so much.   He was also kindly honest if something did not look good on me.

He also cared about how he presented himself.  He wore three-piece suits for business meetings and looked so very classic and handsome.  As a musician and conductor by avocation, he had to wear tuxes a lot.  I could barely keep my hands off him when he was all snazzed up in conducting mode.  It was so hard for him when the chemo started to take it's toll on his skin, hair, energy, and moods.  I helped him as much as I could so that he'd feel at least semi-normal.

It's funny you mention about matching colors.  We never did so intentionally, but more times than not we'd walk into a room after dressing for the day wearing similar or the same colors.  We'd look at each other and chuckle.  If our girls or friends were there, they'd say, "Oh come on!  We know you didn't do that on purpose.  How do you do that?"  Well, we were deeply, deeply connected in many ways, I guess color might have been one of them.

I know that me will never come back.  The joy and purpose is gone from my life.  I also am wearing his flannel shirts on cold mornings and nights.  I have one of his big soft hoodies hanging right by mine by the door.  I'll put that one when it's cold and icky out.  I don't give a crap that I look ridiculous in it.  It still smells like him, fresh and masculine, and I'm not giving that up, though I suppose someday I will have to wash it.

You're right that a billion dollars would never make up for losing my soulmate.  I swear I would have paid anything, done anything to have him healthy again.  Given that choice, I would have handed over every penny we had and lived in a camper for the rest of our lives if it meant I had my love with me.

[Billie Rae]

Oh you both know exactly what I'm feeling!Charlie always said my makeup looked amazing and he teased me about my love of clothes.He was so proud that I was tall and worked out.When he was sick I lost weight and he told me I was way too skinny.if he is seeing me now I'm sure he is distressed,but I just can't seem to care.I laugh with people now but don't feel it it's just to appear normal.as soon as no one is looking my sad returns.I hope one day to feel joy,after all he told me to go live my best life that's what would make him proud but I'm not feeling it.I hope one day we can find comfort and some kind of peace.There will always be this ache but I hope for us it can stop being this deep raw agony.Love to you.Billie Rae

Sent from my LG-TP260 using Grieving.com mobile app

[Billie Rae]

I also found myself being mean today and that's so not me I usually go out of my way to be nice,this morning a store cashier was telling me about his"terrible morning"and I looked at him and blurted out ya,my husband died.I'm so ashamed but couldn't stop it.Where the hell did I go?who was that mean woman?This bitterness and anger

Sent from my LG-TP260 using Grieving.com mobile app

[foreverhis]

2 hours ago, Billie Rae said:

When he was sick I lost weight and he told me I was way too skinny.

Isn't it something that they'd care how we looked and felt and about our health when they were the ones who were so ill?  Twice in the last couple of weeks of his life, my hubby looked at me with my bangs in my eyes and long uneven hair, and said, "You need a haircut."  It was quite true, but I told him that my hair was of no concern to me just then.

[KayC]

16 hours ago, JES said:

I used to love fixing up and looking good for Kevin. He never failed to tell me I looked nice.

That reminded me, I used to dress up when George was alive, I always got the twinkle in his eye for it!  That's gone now and I wear my jeans and shirts. 
I just remembered, when he died, I got edema in my feet/ankles, really bad, bad enough I had to go to the doctor for it and my daughter got these horrible cysts in her thighs, also had to go to the doctor for them, it was stress.  Fortunately the edema went away as it can be very dangerous.  

[KayC]

11 hours ago, Billie Rae said:

a store cashier was telling me about his"terrible morning"and I looked at him and blurted out ya,my husband died.

I don't think that was a bad thing to tell him because it put things in perspective.  Suddenly his morning didn't seem as bad as a minute before.  That's one thing death/grief does for us, it changes our perspective.  Suddenly the broken fingernail doesn't matter, we have something new by which to gauge things in life!

[foreverhis]

14 hours ago, Billie Rae said:

,this morning a store cashier was telling me about his"terrible morning"and I looked at him and blurted out ya,my husband died.

Well, I have to ask myself why a cashier would tell you about his terrible morning.  Even if it's someone you interact with regularly, his job is not to, well, whine to customers about problems, but to try to make sure customers have a better day.  I don't mean to sound unsympathetic to him, but your reaction was perfectly normal and not mean, IMO.

Shortly after my husband died, I went to the store.  One of the things I did was return unopened items that had been specific for his care.  While I didn't and still haven't just willy-nilly "get rid of" stuff, I could not stand to see anything that had to do with his illness.  I did nothing the night I got home from the hospital except go through the house and gather it all.  I threw out partially used supplies, etc. and arranged to have the hospital bed picked up, but decided that finances dictated I should return the more expensive unused things.

Anyway, I didn't have the receipts, but this is a store we shopped at frequently.  Naturally, I ended up with the one cashier I dislike because she's kind of surly.  So she's giving me a really hard time about having no receipts and blah, blah, blah, and I lost it.  I started crying and told her exactly--and not nicely--why I was there and what happened.  While she did take care of it, her attitude was like, "Life is tough all over." 

But here's the good part of the story.  I was crying and walking out to my car with my little bag of groceries items just for me.  When I got to the car and opened the back, a woman, a perfect stranger, came up to me and said, "I heard what you said in there and I'm so very sorry.  I think you need these."  Then she handed me a beautiful bouquet of peach roses.  Just like that, someone reminded me of what's good in people and that hope does exist in this world.

In any case, you were not mean, you were not out of line.  You reacted in a way that's quite understandable.

[JES]

@foreverhis  I too got rid of medical stuff, couldn't stand to look at it. But I still have everything else of his.  What a wonderful lady to give you the flowers. Maybe another one of the earthly  angels amongst us?

[JES]

@foreverhis  Your hubby sounds like he was a very nice dresser and I'm sure you made a beautiful couple. I saw Kevin in tuxedo only 2 times, stood in wedding. His " nice" dressing was nice jeans, belt, underarmour or nike tops and matching of the same,  in his shoes. It all had to match perfect, right down to the socks and underwear.  Oh, and don't forget matching cap!  

[foreverhis]

11 hours ago, JES said:

Maybe another one of the earthly  angels amongst us?

That was practically the first thing my sister-in-law said when I told her about it.  I took pictures after I put them in my hubby's favorite vase and emailed them to the entire family, along with the story.  The general consensus was that she was indeed an angel.  Had it been lavender roses I would have been convinced that my hubby sent her.

5 hours ago, JES said:

His " nice" dressing was nice jeans, belt, underarmour or nike tops and matching of the same,  in his shoes. It all had to match perfect, right down to the socks and underwear.  Oh, and don't forget matching cap!  

And I'll bet he looked really handsome, in part because he felt good about himself.  My husband's non-work outfit of choice was jeans or chinos or shorts (coastal climate) and a soft polo shirt.  Topsiders, Teva sandals (no socks!), or walking shoes of some kind finished his outfit.  If it was cool, he'd put on one of his many v-neck sweaters or a hoodie.  He looked good to me no matter what he wore.  I was thinking about how whenever I looked at him over the 35 years (plus 2 before we married) I only ever saw him.  Physical changes, until the very end, really didn't register that much with me.  And he still found me just as appealing in my 50s as he did when I was slim, unwrinkled, and ungrayed in my 20s.  Love does that.

[KayC]

When George died the first thing I did was throw out anything to do with his job, his Carharts, mug from work, etc. because I felt his job greatly contributed to his death, they pushed him to work harder/faster, ignored his weight limitations, and yes I was glad when the company went out of business a few years later.  They never even sent a company representative to his funeral, didn't send flowers, card, nothing...and he gave them his life.

I can understand your wanting rid of anything to do with their illness.

[JES]

@KayC  I get why you wanted to get rid of Georges work things. We all seem to do the same things....any of the bad reminders. I even threw out little hospital lotions, body washes, any reminders. My daughter said " mom, thats so unlike you".  She knew I was a saver, and didn't like to waste anything that could be used.  I did keep some bandages and things I thought could be needed in future but they are put away where I can't see them everyday. 

[Billie Rae]

Especially the pajamas and slippers he wore in the hospital.But it took me 2 weeks to empty his water glass by the bed.Anything that reminded me of illness and all hospice and American Cancer Society notebooks etc

Sent from my LG-TP260 using Grieving.com mobile app

[JES]

@foreverhis  Isn't that so true that when you really love someone the physical changes just don't matter.  Kevin lost hair on top of head years back, he said he didnt like having that "fur" around his sides so he shaved his whole head and kept it that way. I loved that bald head, mabbe more than hair.  We live in area where most people just don't dress up.     Yooperland!  He dressed better than most, his boss at work told him he needed to dress down, as he was making him look bad, he never did.  And oh, the sandals with socks, that was a no, no for sure.  He remarked every time he saw it ( he could never get why you would wear socks with sandals).  The other clothes he loved in our cold winters were wool pants, wool vests over flannels and stormi kromer hats.  I have a collection now....every color you can imagine.  Hugs & Healing   

[JES]

@Billie Rae   I understand the water glass. His lips and hand touched it.  I had hard time vacuuming after, I felt like I was getting rid of his dna, I wanted it there forever. Eventually I had to vacuum and I'm ok with it now. Hugs & Hope

[foreverhis]

I still haven't moved a lot of my husband's every day things.  His computer and keyboard sit on the table by his chair.  It took me months to even move the secondary monitor upstairs to store it.  His hair brush and other toiletries are still in the drawers and on the shelves.  I use his shampoo and body wash sometimes.  He didn't use perfumed/scented things because he didn't like them and we both have allergies.  His clean, masculine smell was more appealing to me than any cologne could have been.  I wonder, animals can scent their young and their mates, so why shouldn't it be the same with us?  How many of us have kept things that carry the scent of our own mates?  I certainly have.

What is it with some people and the sandals and socks thing?  I have to confess that my hubby and I used to chuckle to each other when we'd see someone, man or woman, dressed that way, including my mom.  I know that wasn't nice and really, if someone is comfortable and happy, who were we to laugh about it?  But still, it looked so silly to us that we couldn't help sharing a just-between-us grin. Never, never would we make fun of someone to their face or make it obvious.  But we'd look at each other and didn't have to say a word.

[Moment2moment]

Two months later and I am feeling like a different person. On the date of my starting this thread I was also ending a job where I did deliveries and drove in city traffic all day. Since I have stopped doing that and have gone to a job that does not involve that stress, my body feel so much stronger.

I chalk it up to no longer having cortisol surging through my body all day. That is also what tore up my health as a caregiver. 

So I have been eating much better. Lots of fruits and veggies, chicken and fish and other protein sources like beans,  whole grains and rice, lots of hydration with water, juices and sports drinks, and cutting way down on caffeine and sugar.

I am sleeping well and getting out more walking my dogs. I am planning to get back to bicycling and long range hiking and looking into a yoga class for all the benefits it can offer.

But I am not tired all the time now like I was and that changed things for me on every level. I am thinking that it takes almost a year for the body to start to recover and heal and rebalance from intense grief and caregiving. Probably more.

Afterall, we have been through psychological trauma and we carry that in every cell of our body.

Just wanted to bump this thread with my update. 

Love to all,

Lily Bell

 

[KayC]

Lily Bell,

I'm glad you are feeling better. Walking does make us feel better, so a good thing for all of us.  I'm glad you gave us your update!

[Billie Rae]

Lily Bell,that's Amazing!what a joy to read your posts.You deserve to feel better.You are kind,thoughtful and generous with your journey.Thank you for this
Love
Billie

Sent from my LG-TP260 using Grieving.com mobile app

[JES]

@Moment2moment  Your post is very encouraging....and so glad you are starting to feel better.  Maybe it will give me motivation to eat healther.......thankyou for sharing. 

[foreverhis]

11 hours ago, Moment2moment said:

But I am not tired all the time now like I was and that changed things for me on every level. I am thinking that it takes almost a year for the body to start to recover and heal and rebalance from intense grief and caregiving. Probably more.

I'm so glad to hear that you are doing better and taking better care of yourself.  Sounds like changing jobs was the first thing to really help you start a physical recovery.  I so appreciate you coming to update everyone with something positive and hopeful. 

My doctor has told me flat out that it will take a minimum of a year for my body to even start recovering from 18 months of caregiving and the first year of grieving.  He said that pretending grief doesn't exist is even more harmful over the long run.  I'm so thankful that he is not one of those doctors or people who try to sort grief into little packages or rush patients through it.

[JES]

@foreverhis  I 

23 minutes ago, foreverhis said:

I'm so glad to hear that you are doing better and taking better care of yourself.  Sounds like changing jobs was the first thing to really help you start a physical recovery.  I so appreciate you coming to update everyone with something positive and hopeful. 

My doctor has told me flat out that it will take a minimum of a year for my body to even start recovering from 18 months of caregiving and the first year of grieving.  He said that pretending grief doesn't exist is even more harmful over the long run.  I'm so thankful that he is not one of those doctors or people who try to sort grief into little packages or rush patients through it.

@foreverhis  I think this is such a good thing to know, at minimum of a year. Most drs. dont say anything so we are left clueless, wondering why we don't feel good.  Thankyou for posting that for all of us.

[KayC]

I was told by a grief counselor that doctors are not trained in grief, it's a whole different set of courses, so they don't know unless from firsthand experience and common sense.

[foreverhis]

2 hours ago, KayC said:

I was told by a grief counselor that doctors are not trained in grief, it's a whole different set of courses, so they don't know unless from firsthand experience and common sense.

Yes, I think in that my husband and I were lucky in our internist.  He's not perfect; no one is.  He knows his limits, but he has a more open-minded approach to emotional and physical problems than many.  He's convinced of the benefits of physical activity, talking about concerns, even alternative medicine where it might be helpful (like, try melatonin first, then prescriptions).