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sunflowers22

Extreme lack of motivation in anticipation of Father's death

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sunflowers22

Hi all, this is my first post here. 

My father's Leukemia relapsed at the end of October with a particularly nasty mutation that doesn't play nicely with efforts to rid of the cancer. He was told that he could seek a bone marrow transplant, but that'd put him in the hospital for at least 9 months, which wasn't going to fly, by him (and, his chances of relapse given the mutation would still be pretty significant). There's nothing more he hates than being in the hospital. And anyway, unbeknownst to me, following the end of his last treatment (March 2017) he'd told my mother that if he were ever to relapse, he was done. He wasn't going through chemo and the whole rigamarole a second time. He'd come home and get comfy and live out whatever time he had left. So, that's where we are. He's been home since the 31st of October, and before we left the hospital, he was given "weeks".

I'm a college student. When we got the news, I was smack in the middle of my semester. Basically, I had an honest chat with each of my professors as soon as possible and very soon afterward, my ability to concentrate, as well as my level of motivation, spiraled downhill and into the toilet. I had 7 classes this semester and ended up taking 4 incompletes, finishing (completely) only 3 classes. At my university, an incomplete is granted to students who have completed most of the coursework with a good grade and who, for reasons beyond their control, can't finish the course completely by semester's end. And so, they get extra time, whether it be just over winter break, into the following semester, or longer.

I don't know exactly where i'm going with this, but I just know that i've spent the last 1.5 months at home (away from my apartment and living at my parents' place, commuting into the city for classes most days) and have (temporarily) lost my ability to write or do any kind of intensive schoolwork, beyond busy, BS homework. And it feels like, even if I could write, I have no motivation to do so. And it's very, very frustrating for someone who has always been pretty conscientious and studious for the most part. Part of me knows that school should be the last thing on my mind right now. But the professional part of me who seeks to create relationships with professors and maintain good repoires (however you spell that) is very frustrated over her sudden and complete inability to write or produce creative work, or to finish the semester on time and any number of other things. I feel very lost and lazy and upset, on top of a heavy dose of anticipatory grief.

I can't help but wonder if, somewhere inside, i'm really just being lazy and only using this situation to cover it up. Can anyone relate?

So far, Dad's outlived our expectations and we're very thankful that he'll hopefully be here for Christmas.

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MT23

I’m sorry for all the stressful things this situation has put you through. I hope your father is around today for Christmas and that you can enjoy some quality time with him. 

Im currently going through a similar situation to you right now. I’m also in college still and my grandmother is battling stage 4 pancreatic cancer. We got news yesterday that she also has a liver infection, UTI and a blockage in her kidney. It’s all so unbearably hard to deal with especially around this time of year and my mom is not taking it well at all. She’s been having mental breakdowns from the stress and the therapy sessions from accessing her emotions and I just I’m scared for her if it turns worse. I’m sorry to vent on your post but I just don’t know what to do anymore. 

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losmorados

I've struggled with this as well, it feels so difficult to get things done and there are days where I feel no energy to even do anything. I used to be extremely motivated and very studious, but the wind was knocked out of me after visiting my mother last year and seeing her condition.

What has worked out for me has been trying to make sure to take care of yourself first - whatever needs to be done, and the rest will come. With days of struggling to get things done, it's good to be easy on yourself. This is a time where you need a break and process what is happening.

I hope that you were able to work out something with your classes, I know it's been a few months.

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Sharon P.

I have recently moved my frail elderly father to a closer Assisted Living facility.  He has been in Hospice care there for the last four months and I am depressed and having trouble with my grief.  I can talk a little to my spouse but hospice does not provide any before death services.  They tell me he is eating (they have to yell and pull him out of deep sleep), and that he sleeps 22 hours a day.  He is not talking much so the Social Worker and the Paster from hospice don’t know what they are to do - so they are not coming but maybe 2x month at most.  I am off work at this time and going every few days to have lunch with him and our walks have stopped.  He is encouraged to use walker still but fell onto toilet last weekend.  He has no muscle in legs.  He has a standby hospice wheelchair but have not seen it used.  
 

Is there anyone who has gone through this grief before and where did you get help?  Thank you 

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