Lost my soul mate

[Michelle boyd]

Hi everyone.. I lost my husband five days ago us both only 36 I’ve been left behind with a 4 and 5 year old .. I’m absolutely crushed. My husband was a chronic binge drinker. This he’s been apart of my life for the last eight years .. he would get help the decide he could handle it alone.. he would quit the drink for 6 weeks or so then start again .. I stuck by him witnessing the most horrible things in the hope that he would finally get help it was like living with 2 different men .. a drunk .. and an amazing wonderful man.. he last binge started recently and went on for a week .. he was taken away in ambulances twice ... calapsed sereval timesall in one week . I got a call Sunday morning to say he had been found ... I am beyond heartbroken ... could I have done more .... why .... I don’t no where to turn 

[Jamiei]

I am so sorry for you and your two children. Addiction is a horrible disease and I’m so sorry you had to go through this, my heart breaks for you. I’m sure you did everything you could do to help him. I’ve dealt with someone who was an addict and you can’t do anything to stop it they have to do it for them self. I learned the diseases is very hard and treatment is usually needed. Don’t blame yourself though, and again I’m so sorry!

[LJCM]

I am so sorry to hear of your loss. I am coming up to 2 months and it's still so bloody hard. My husband and I were together for almost 18 years, we have 2 beautiful children (8 & 10) so I feel for you. 

I don't have any words of wisdom for you as I am still trying to navigate my way through, but feel free to inbox me if you need to chat.. 

[KayC]

@Michelle boyd  I am so sorry.  My daughter is 36 and her husband is alcoholic, it's ruined their relationship/marriage.  She's loved him for 18 years, been married nearly nine years, but even though he still lives there (he'd left her for 8 months) he doesn't talk to her except to tear her down, he drinks constantly when he's not working.  It's a hard life to live and impossible to manage...they need help but don't want to acknowledge it.

Still you toughed it out, and it had to be hard on you and the kids.  I know what you're saying about two different people because my SIL has become someone we don't recognize.  Like one was the wonderful man we knew, the other an alien.  Drink does that to them.

I am sorry for your loss, and that it's left you and the kids on your own, missing their daddy.  You've found a good place to come to, we're all going through our losses together, and it helps to know there's others that understand and get it.  Alcohol took him away from you, a sickness not unlike any sickness that takes them from us.

[Michelle boyd]

Thank u for taking time to reply it will only be a week tomorrow and I’m scared to even sleep tonight .. people keep telling me about formalities I can’t bare to think about them . The funeral is not for another 2 weeks which makes things even harder ... I’m currently staying with my sister as I’m too afraid to go back to the house . So in effect homeless with my kids .. there telling me to ring councils claim things when all I want to do is hide away .....unfortunately my husband left us with nothing so I know I have to make these steps but how ... I’m so tired 

[Geecee]

Hi Michelle,

i am on the same boat as you. Its been 6 months since I lost my Rose. We have 2 boys ages 8 and 2. It’s been tough playing the role of Mom and dad, along with coping with the grief. I barely have any time to do anything but if there’s a will a way. I also had difficulty trying to come home within first couple of weeks . I honestly thought everything was looking up for us. But the grief will come in waves. Today is one of those days where I don’t feel too good and just want to stay in.  Hugs to you and your family. 

[JBSC01]

Michelle, 

I haven't told my full story on here yet, and i will some time when i feel ready, but i just wanted to at least say i understand and relate to yours. I'm 35, the love of my life was 34, we were together for 4 yrs, we were gonna get married, have children, the whole deal when she suddenly unexpectedly passed a little over 3 months ago due to alcohol abuse and more specifically binge drinking cycles. She would go on cycles of 1 or 2 week binges then i would have to help her taper off and recover. She would then be so good for a week, 2, a month, or 2 or 3 then relapse and start again. So i get how it is dealing with, living with, and being with someone who you love more than anything (watch them, go through it with them, clean up the mess over and over, try to get them help constantly, etc, etc, etc.) go through severe alcohol dependence coupled with bad depression and anxiety. One day, one breath at a time is all we can do. I'm a complete mess and still deep in this hell, nightmare 14 weeks in so cant offer much hope or advice other than keep moving forward no matter how slow or how many times you fall flat on your face or stumble backwards. And just be kind to yourself, eat, drink lots of water, only do what you can when you can. Keeping my life as simple as I can is how i'm navigating through so far. I guess it sort of works since im still alive.  

[KayC]

Michelle,

I'm not sure where you're living, you speak of councils so I'm assuming not the US.  Is there anywhere you can get financial help?  In the US when you have minor children, you get social security to help support them financially.  If nothing, you will have to work or get help from family.  Hard to think of practical issues when your heart has just been ripped out and your world turned upside down.  But necessary when you have children to think of.  Keep coming here, let us know how you are.

Geecee,

I'm glad you found your way here.  It helps knowing there's others going through this that understand and "get it".  

JBSC01,

We are here for you when you are ready to talk.  When alcohol or drugs is involved, there's always more it seems...