The dirty word (addiction) and loss

[Little-Sis]

Hello, I’m new here and still figuring things out. I’m not even quite sure how active this forum is and if anyone will respond. I’m a shy person, and it doesn’t help that my anxiety is acting up big time lately. I’m not feeling like I can share a lot of detail right now. 

..honestly not sure what to say/how to start. I think my post title probably says a lot. I’m looking to talk to others who have lost a sibling to addiction. I lost my sister to alcoholism. I find that I really have trouble telling people that part. It’s like if you lose a loved one to an accident or any other sort of illness people tend to be supportive. But to say that your loved one died due to addiction related causes.. well, often people are so mean and judgmental. That’s not fair, and it only adds so much more pain to an already painful situation. 

It’s been 2 & 1/2 yrs since my sister died. At times I can say that I’m doing pretty well with it all. But it’s like the pain always has a way of rushing back and crushing me. It’s so overwhelming at times. I went to therapy for about 6 months. While it helped to be able to let things out (I’d feel better after a session) I just don’t think it really helped me much overall. I used to visit some loss groups on Facebook, and they are wonderful. Problem is I just don’t care to go on fb much anymore so I’m missing out on those groups. I thought maybe it’d be a good idea to find a forum, searched a little, and here I am. I’ve been feeling so alone and was really hoping someone might be around who understands. 

[Alyssa_without_Alex]

I'm so sorry for your pain, Little-Sis. I lost my brother 3 1/2 weeks ago to a heroin overdose. I am shattered. I don't know what I can say to you, other than that you are not alone. As for the people who are unkind and judgmental--forget them. They don't understand how you can love a person--and all their demons--so much it splits you open.

[Mtruman1113]

I understand your pain. I am in recovery. An alcoholic/addict. My family is full of addiction. I recently lost my older brother from drugs a little over a month ago and I feel so lost. I feel so depressed and isolated. I have my recovery mtgs but it’s hard to do much because I am suffering from major depression. I am sorry about your sister. Addiction sucks. It could have easily been me instead of him, sometimes I wish it was. 

[Mtruman1113]

Alyssa I lost my brother to Heroin also. He struggled for so many years. He died a month before his 40th birthday and I am still in shock. 

[Biskwitty]

I also lost my brother recently, although his death was a tragic accident, it was caused by his addiction to alcohol and drugs. I came across this forum when looking for a support network for bereaved siblings in the hope of talking to others who have been through similar circumstances. I’d like to hear from others so anyone, please feel free to message me anytime.

[Nicole-my grief journey]

I’m truly sorry for your loss. I suffer with anxiety and depression. I definitely feel that I understand. I lost my brother the day before my birthday in November 2017 to a heroin overdose. He didn’t want to be that way. His brain chemistry had changed and he battled it, but ultimately his disease killed him. Because any disease (alcohol, drugs, other) is progressive. My heart is split open. He was my first best friend. We were like twins. I’m the one who found him and people say thoughtless things to me all the time. They don’t speak of him and act as if it didn’t happen. And then talk about everyone else in the community dying of addiction saying they are junkies and that wouldn’t be them or happen in their families. When that word “junkie” couldn’t be further from the truth. My brother was loving, hard working and took care of my parents. He was handsome and charismatic, with the biggest, kindest heart. I like a quote that I read, not sure who it is by...but it says “addiction is not a choice of lifestyle, it is a disorder of the brain and we need to recognize this.” 

I’m sending you thoughts of love, calm, peace and the strength to see the people that stigmatize, as gnats that you can swipe away in your mind. People that stigmatize don’t realize how it affects us, until if affects their family member. It’s heartbreaking. If I feel they MIGHT have a chance, or are open to gain a little knowledge about the disease of addiction, I share my experience. But if they don’t seem like they can absorb anything, with an open mind, I tune them out and push them away in my mind as if they were those gnats. I have repeated to myself that their opinion is of no consequence to me and that their opinion is none of my business. Everyone who has lost someone they love dearly to addiction already has enough weight on them and we struggle with emotions, confusion, grieving and everything else. No need to add the weight of stigamatizers to that. We don’t deserve it. I went to “Alanon” for years and met a lot of people who related to me and helped me tremendously. I don’t know if they have those meetings in your area. They usually have them in every city and they’re anonymous. I tried 3 different meetings to see which felt right for me. I walked in desperate and left feeling like I had hope. Currently thinking about going to NarAnon regarding the loss of my brother. I also see a therapist and it has helped me gain coping skills. I will keep you in my thoughts. We’re here, keep sharing your feelings.

[Callyprays]

It doesn't matter how a loved one dies, it hurts all the same. I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my sister to drugs in April of this year and it hurts every single day. If you need someone to talk to, feel free to message me. 

Addiction is sad for everyone involved. People not only lose themselves to it, but also their lives. And then the people left behind hurt, and in my case on and off blaming myself or wondering what more could I have done? You know?