Jump to content

CHAT NOW!

Enjoy the benefits of Premium today.

Share Your Loved One's Pictures

In our beautiful Gallery

Grief Support Marketplace

Check Our New Products In The Marketplace

Take Grieving.com on the Go!

Buy on Apple and Google Play
New Members - Check Your Spam/Junk Folder for Confirmation Email ×
Sign in to follow this  
Moving on Slowly

Where do I go from here

Recommended Posts

Moving on Slowly

My husband of 16 years left me abruptly 3 days after a motorcycle accident.  We continued to go to a rally and he refused to have a CT Scan said he didn't hit his head but apparently he had a hematoma.  Any way this was a Friday and on Sunday after we loaded the rental bike (as we left for a 5  hour ride home!!) he said "I want a divorce I don't love you and I haven't loved you in years".  I thought I was going to die.  FIVE HOURS in a vehicle.  He moved into the spare bedroom and began drinking heavily and driving some days I wished he would wrap that sports car around a tree.  Then I was at a meeting and he sent me a text he was leaving and staying at his brothers and took my dog.  EVERYONE WAS STUNNED.  They all said he would change his mind.  I was devastated and blindsided!  I begged and begged him for a month straight he was relentless.  I wanted to die!  It has been two years, I am remarried, I do not do well alone and he is a good guy, But we are still in court for his contempt as he won't sell what he is supposed or pay me what he is ordered.  In two weeks we go to court I HOPE for the last time.  I hated him for so long and last weekend decided to forgive him for the way he left me - for me not him.  Now I have this weird empty feeling where all my hate was and have no idea why I feel this way. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
reader

Dear Moving On Slowly,

I'm so sorry for your pain and sorrow. I can imagine it was incredibly hurtful and cruel the way your ex husband had broken the news to you two years ago. My sibling is going through a divorce after 10 years and it just hurt so bad. When someone you trusted and devoted yourself to betrays everything you believe was real. The grief of this loss takes a long time to come to terms with.

I hope the courts will settle everything soon.

I don't know if you have tried talking to a counsellor or possibly joining a support group. I might help to have other like minded people to talk to in the community or through church for additional supports.

Everything you are feeling is normal. There are so many stages we go through after a loss. Be kind and gentle with yourself.

Thinking of you.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Moving on Slowly

Thanks so much I your sibling has a faster, less torturous journey  than I am on.  Some days I feel like I can't take one more thing, but I keep going, the kids, mom, new husband, my 18 month old German Shepherd is my god send! I have been the strong one my entire life - I just wonder how long I can remain strong.  I want to feel better.  Counseling takes months and months to get in, I have not looked for a support group.  First I live in a rural area, second most are CAtholic here so you know how we Catholics are lol, hey I actually made a joke!!! :)  Any way, I do have my office in a larger town I may try there, thanks so much, this website I found and I thought I would try and see, it does help. 

I am just so tired, I don't sleep more than 3 hours at a shot, I hope that gets better, I don't want sleeping pills as I was a sleep walker as a child and don't want to go down that road.  Some days are fine, others are so difficult to function.  Thanks so much for your kind words!!

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
reader

Dear Moving on Slowly,

Sorry I didn't write back sooner. I hear you, my friend. So many women I know have always been the strong ones. We give and give and then people still betray us. It hurts. And it takes time to work through all our feelings.

My sibling is still horribly angry at her ex. They share a child and are still working on co-parenting. I just hope for my nephew's sake they can be civil but I know its hard. My siblings still wants to punish her ex for all the hurt he put her through.

I find another source of support is online. There are Facebook groups for different losses. Its sometimes hard to find the right one, but there are so many like minded folks on those groups. And generally there is always someone online to chat with or talk things over with.

Try and take care of yourself the best you can. I totally understand if you do not want to take sleeping pills. But maybe try a new routine like a warm bath, drinking milk, reading or doing some meditation to calm the mind before bed. I hope this helps a little.

Keeping in hanging there, I have to believe better days are ahead of us.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Moving on Slowly

Yes I am staring to take my melatonin again.  Things are settling but I had to take half of what I was awarded.  my credit score has dropped from 880 to 580 in 2 years, I have to refinance my car in order to get off all the loans that has been a challenge.  This is especially difficult to swallow as I have a double masters degree and have not been in this situation since my early 20's!  It is embarrassing.

But this will be an end and allow me to get going on getting back to where I was.  I don't think I will ever allow myself to be so "one" with another person again.  As I stated this has been going on so long I am remarried, great guy but just don't ever want to give my all again, just hurts too much.  On top of it the last month I have been very sick with ulcers which will go away again once this is over and I am TRYING to be positive so I can do my job.  I really want and need to succeed.  talking with someone like you has really helped!!

I just can't seem to get out of this funk and "live " again.  I have gained weight and am hoping I can get myself back when this is done on July 11!  I am trying to tell myself I can do this.  What hurts is seeing pictures of myself when this started and I am so sad! 

I must remember to move forward.  I hope your sibling can work through this, as you know this is an incredibly horrible feeling.  It doesn't help that I moved and my closest friends are an hour away.  I work from home a few days a week and am alone a lot but I have my faithful fur baby Zeus, my 19 month old German Shepherd (my husband wanted me to get one to protect me as my ex was stalking me), SO GLAD I did , he gives unconditional love. 

My daughter is bi-polar and a mess, we do not see each other often so I have my Zeus!!!!! 

I agree, I HAVE to believe there are better days ahead!!!  Thanks!!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Sign in to follow this  

×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

This site uses cookies We have placed cookies on your device to help make this website better. You can adjust your cookie settings, otherwise we'll assume you're okay to continue. and uses these terms of services Terms of Use.