Jump to content

CHAT NOW!

Take advantage of our chat service today.

Share Your Loved One's Pictures

In our beautiful Gallery

Grief Support Marketplace

Check Our New Products In The Marketplace

Take Grieving.com on the Go!

Buy on Apple and Google Play
immissingyou

Parenting after death of a husband

Recommended Posts

ModKonnie

This is a letter from a member to an expert after her husband died. I got it from our website www.BeyondIndigo.com. Because it is under construction and getting ready to move, many things are not working, but feel free to run over there and visit and check out some of the information on there.

Parenting after the death of a husband

by Paul V. Johnson

Dear Paul,

Hi, my name is Pam. I lost my husband six months ago. We have three small kids--a 1-year-old, a 5-year-old, and a 6-year-old. My question is abut my 6-year-old. He is really having a hard time. He talks to the psychologist at school, but that is not helping. Should I just try to take him for help outside of school? I am lost right now. Thank you.

Pam

Dear Pam,

I am very sorry about your husband's death, and as the good mother your are, you are expressing concern and wanting help for your kids even before you think of yourself. Each day reveals additional things that your husband was to you and your kids and I hope that other members of your family and friends are continuing to reach out to you and are being supportive during this difficult time.

A lot of times, grieving parents feel they "must be strong for the kids," but please know that dealing with this loss is an extremely difficult thing, and it will not be possible to be strong all of the time. Allow those friends to "take over" for you at times so that you can spend some time alone working on your own grief issues.

Your kids are all very young and each will respond to their Dad's death in a different way. You mention your 6-year-old, probably because of the three, he is the one who comes closest to really understanding that Dad has really died and won't be back. Obviously, that is a big thing for a youngster of 6 to understand.

I'm glad you have people at school who are aware of your son's situation and are trying to help him. You say that talking with the psychologist is not helping; however, improvement in this type of situation with a child this young is not something that is necessarily immediately apparent. I would encourage you to have him continue to see the psychologist. It would be okay to seek some additional counsel as well and finding an individual to whom your son relates well is of great importance.

In addition to any supplemental counseling you may find for your son, I would encourage you to continually express your love for him (and his siblings) because that is something they need to be reassured of now more than ever. Don't be surprised if your son expresses some fear of something happening to you also, this is quite common for young children who experience the death of one parent. A lot of touching, holding, and hugging communicates your love in ways that words sometimes cannot.

One more reminder--be sure to take care of yourself as well. You will be more effective in helping your kids if you have done some necessary things to help yourself. Parents sometimes think that seems selfish when they should be helping their kids, but helping yourself IS helping your kids, and I encourage you to do that as much as possible. Please let us know how things go for you and your kids.

Sincerely,

Paul

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Bonaventure

Dad passed away in January, and Mom and Dad's 55th anniversary is, orwould have been in mid-September. I'm looking for advice on how to observe thisanniversary for my mother. My brother and I both live within easy drivingdistance of what is now Mom's house.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
ModKonnie

Dad passed away in January, and Mom and Dad's 55th anniversary is, orwould have been in mid-September. I'm looking for advice on how to observe thisanniversary for my mother. My brother and I both live within easy drivingdistance of what is now Mom's house.

Why don't you ask her how your mom would like to observe the anniversary and then go from there? I am sorry to hear about your the loss of your dad. Please feel free to post in our Loss of a Parent forum.

ModKonnie

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
vivien_230

Hi, my name is Pam. I lost my husband six months ago. We have three small kids--a 1-year-old, a 5-year-old, and a 6-year-old. My question is abut my 6-year-old. He is really having a hard time. He talks to the psychologist at school, but that is not helping. Should I just try to take him for help outside of school? I am lost right now. Thank you.

Losing a father must be difficult to comprehend for a 6 year old kid. I lost my grandmother around that age and it was pretty devastating to me how much more for losing the father. I don't know how you can help but what you are doing now is already a big help. Letting him talk with someone is a good idea to let his emotions be heard. You can also give him some extra care and be there for him when he does open up to you. Talk to him constantly and let him do some after school activities to help him think of something else like camp or sports. Just be patient until he is finally able to cope.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Imlearning79

Hi Pam, My children were 11 and 14 when their father, my husband died. One thing we have to realize is we cannot fix our kids. Each one will grieve differently. Grief does not go away it will only change. the same for your grief. It is very important to keep talking about their dad and acknowleding how sad it is and how much everyone misses him. Counselling is good. i suggest also finding a childrens grief group and or grief camp in your area. Attend a grief group yourself too. You cant hurry grief and it takes a very long time to get back on your feet. Be kind and gentle with yourself. Lean on God, friends and family. Hug your children often and let them know how much you and your husband loved them.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
immissingyou

Great advice from Paul. I agree in that it's terrific that you have the support of the school and I also wouldn't hesitate to seek outside counseling for your 6 year old. It is difficult for adults to understand the concept of loss and deal with their grief - imagine that of a child. Making sure they know they are loved and are reassured is also important and if you have a strong male influence in your life (perhaps a father or brother or close family friend) that can take an active role from a male perspective might be helpful as well. I am so incredibly sorry for your loss!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.


×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

This site uses cookies We have placed cookies on your device to help make this website better. You can adjust your cookie settings, otherwise we'll assume you're okay to continue. and uses these terms of services Terms of Use.