Jump to content

CHAT NOW!

Enjoy the benefits of Premium today.

Share Your Loved One's Pictures

In our beautiful Gallery

Grief Support Marketplace

Check Our New Products In The Marketplace

Take Grieving.com on the Go!

Buy on Apple and Google Play
Sign in to follow this  
beasheeran111

Mum died 2 years go when i was 12

Recommended Posts

beasheeran111

So, despite my spelling and display name I am 14, my mom died of a 2 year battle with cancer- and I still feel lonely and lost without her.

Those two years were extremely hard, firstly, my mom was diagnosed with cancer after being sick frequently and we had to cancel all our holidays but after around 1-2 years she got the all clear which I definitely took for granted. It was then a thursday afternoon when I got back from school with my long term best friend that she told me she only had 6 months left. I cried all night and the next day too. After around 3 months, she had surgery that failed and she was paralysed which she would cry about (she was depressed at this time). She didn't feel herself. She said she felt ugly. She was very smart too, and she said she felt as if the old her had gone. She couldn't do things with us anymore and I'd felt angry and sad and upset the whole time, there'd be times where I would collapse and not be able to breathe because I couldn't physically comprehend what was about to happen. 

I went to a netball match on Wednesday 12th November, and when I got back my grandma told me she was gone. I didn't cry the whole night. Me, my brother and my sister whom are both older than me all sat in the living room not really talking and I was awkwardly finding and saving pictures of nice houses as possibly a coping mechanism? I don't know.

Before this, I'd fell into depression. I was self-harming, and not for attention in fact I hid it. I never talk about this, but it was the one time. After my dad noticed I explained it was because of the pain I was going through, after he forced me to talk to my mom in the hospice she was crying and felt guilty and I wanted to curl up in a ball and never talk or speak or live.

After her death, I was okay. But I still have anxiety and depression disorder (GAD or the down side of Bipolar, without the mania). Year 7 was horrible, I was shy. Year 8 was gruel as I was trying to be pretty and seem normal. I have always felt ashamed of the way I look, and it was only recently my grandma and I were talking about my mom. She said she went through exactly what I did in terms of social situations, no one but my dad knows of my issue, no one (my brother does pick on me for being mentally unstable).

 

Anyways, a couple years on and I still feel lonely and ugly. I still wish she was here so she could help me, she knows what I was going through and I just sometimes sit in bed and wonder who cares about me? Who actually do I have? My family fell apart after her death. My brother drinks and does drugs as well as being emotionally abusive to all of us, like I said with the comments, and is constantly breaking this family. My sister and I never get on. My dad is upset and moody and has a girlfriend who I like, but never spends time with us. 

I don't know, the sadness I've come to know and almost love. It's warming to be alone and not to have anyone, apart from my two stray cats. (I know, I'm a loner).

 

I just don't know how long this will last. Will I ever get over her death? The memories and anger always come back, and the thought of her being so afraid before she died makes me want to too. Any comments or help will be much appreciated. 

 

- Bea.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
ModKonnie

Hi, 

I am very sorry about the loss of your mom. We never "get over" the death of someone so important in our lives. We can move forward, and most of us do at some point learn to move forward. 

You should consider talking to someone--like a school counselor about how you are feeling, or even your grandmother. The best way to heal is to talk about your pain, your anger, your grief, your loneliness and everything else you are feeling. 

Please be sure and let those who love you know how you are feeling. They need to know in order to help  you. Don't be afraid. They are probably f eeling the same way. 

We will be here with  you,

ModKonnie

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
JamiePeters

Cancer is very unpredictable disease, it can catch anyone at anytime. sorry to know about your mother. If anyone is loosing the family, after some time, we have to move forward the life as there is no options left.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Alenah DeCamp

Hello Bea,

First off I'm am not going to say I can understand how you're feeling. But I can imagine it must be very hard and painful on many levels. What I can do is offer some comfort and a listening ear. I have lost my grandmother in the past, watching her go downhill was tough. She is no longer with us but I have confidence I will see her again and that brings me happiness. Something that comforted myself and my family was an article and if you're feeling up to it you can check it out. The link will be below, (the article is for coping with a dead loved one)  and if you ever need to just rant I will be here to talk to. You'll never be a bother. 

https://www.jw.org/finder?wtlocale=E&issue=2009-08&pub=g09&srcid=share

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Sign in to follow this  

×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

This site uses cookies We have placed cookies on your device to help make this website better. You can adjust your cookie settings, otherwise we'll assume you're okay to continue. and uses these terms of services Terms of Use.