Feb 2 2013

[bethypooh]

My car broken down when mom was in rehab,so after her death I cant get to grieving meetings so this is my last resort.I need help,I cant seem to think OUTSIDE my moms death. So 2 yrs ago my mom had breathing problems i took her to the hospital and by the time she got in the hospital i wheeled her to the counter to admit her,they said she had to wait she said no i cant breathe i cant breathe she was going into respitory failure which i had no clue they rushed her code blue and they threw her on the vent.i was so scared i couldnt sleep,i stayed all night and at one time i went to say good night there was 6 people in the room a week later after she came off the vent by trache they said they almost had to use paddles.during that two weeks they diagnosied her with conjustive heart failure and respitory failure...well she had been in and out for phenomia and boils(mrsa) which we believe she got from the hospital because she never had them before...well 2 weeks befor xmas she was taken to the hospital for alittle phenomia (they released her to soon i felt) a week before xmas she came home and the day after xmas i went in for anemic and i was getting release 2 days later my mom called me and she said she was down stairs im like WHAT? So i was released and went down to be with her...every day i was with her but a day or two then when they got her back on her feet a week or 2 later she was sent to rehab she was there 6 weeks and we almost lost her the staff was horrible,even made a joke how my mom was cunfused and so many other issues.she was taken to the hospital i left work and rushed to the hospital once she got there she was doing great BUT she had a HARD time getting on her feet again,almost like she had a stroke at the rehab place.well they sent her to another rehab place 2 weeks later.....she was at the rehab place 2 weeks *tears*...She didnt call me friday the first i came in from work no call ,I turned 4 months sober so i wanted to rush to a meeting,so i thought ill hit this meeting come home and ill get settled in and call her,so i did...I waited cause she started to go in the room with everyone and socialize so i figured she had been busy. I called her and she answered i said hey stinker why no call? she said boy ive been soo tired,fell asleep during physical therepy.I said really not sleeping at night,she said ive been sleeping alll day,she said I want you and Aunt aleta to pay attention to me on the phone and let me know what you think tomorrow she said even the nurse sees something wrong.I talked to her asked questions she seemed okay enough to eat and call the nurses station so i said mom hey mom let me eat and I will call you back in a few she said okay. So i called the nurses station and the nurse said your moms very alert but very tired there is just something wrong,she said dr was paged and he never called back i said something needs to be done,she said i cant without dr orders and she said she was going to page again.i got a ride to go see my mom when i got there the nurse said after 5 times dr said he would do a blood check on my mom and thought it could be conjustive heart failure and he would check the levels...leaving it the dr and nurses hands i thought okay.she seemed real alert ,she smiled,she laughed,she talked,she told me she loved me and kissed me goodbye! I called her before bed she picked up,i told her good night and loved her like i did every night....that night,the next morning i felt a deep hole in my heart....i called every morning at 730 and she didnt answer i thought maybe she went to the room to socialize so i figured id call when i got back home i hurt at work, i felt something bad was gunna happen,my husband texted me love you hope you have a good day all i texted back was im dying inside..he explained how he felt when his dad died an hour or so later they called me to rushed to hospital that she was inconheirent and it would be best to get there soon I fell to my knees and said OH MY GOD,OH MY GOD,i called my husband i said call troy ( my brother) i said its not good get there soon plz just get there. I got there they got her heart to beat a few times but would stop,they then had my brother and i watch the last of them to relive her they pronouced her dead ( i still hear flat lines in my head).We left the room so they could clean her up and we said our goodbyes :-(

When we went to get her stuff from the rehab place the lady said her phone rung around 730 she tried to answer it and noone was there and dropped the phone ( i missed her) :-( they said at that hour she was VERY confused and not doing good they found her at 11:40 incoherient...WHAT WERE THEY DOING FROM 730-11:40? her rehab was next door to the hospital....but the night before why didnt i just have her taken to the hospital when she obviously was scared to have me pay attention to her over the phone,why did it take 5 pages for the dr to call back...I have so many resentments and im dying inside...she wasnt just my mom,she was my foundation,my bestfriend,my rock...why?

[bethypooh]

at the top when she first went to rehab it said 6 weeks it was ment 6 days