Of all of the ridiculous things that keeps going through my head, it's the nagging thought that I should get a black widow spider tattoo.  I have two loves.  The first died 7 years ago.  We had been together over 3.5 years. And, of course, I thought I would never love anyone again. We were still in the teen-aged years of our relationship.  We still had stories that surprised each other.  How I grieved the loss of the years we would never have.  Then, quite by accident, I fell in love again.  And it was even better.  I would never say that to the first's family, but it was.  On August 11,2021, the second one died.  Very suddenly and after less than 3 years together.  And I'm shattered.  Utterly shattered.  And the craziest thought that runs through my head is that I should tattoo a black widow spider on me.  I kill my loved ones. When they loved me, they died.  I don't want a spider tattoo, but it feel like i need to, and I don't know why.  Is it a way to remind myself every day that I think I should never love again?  Even though, rationally, that doesn't make sense.  Is it a warning to others.  Whoever sees that tattoo and asks.  And then they will be warned.  At your own risk... beware.