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Baby's Heart

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My Father and I were like two peas in a pod. He called me Baby. His Baby. I knew no one else like him; there were times growing up when I was terrified of him; but as I grew I came to know his love, and knew I could never do anything that would make him stop loving me. Although everyone I knew (aside from a very small handful) found him objectionable, even his own family; he was my best friend. I never understood why people disliked him so much. Most of them have gone on their way; they have moved on and expect me to do the same. Death is just a natural part of life, they say. Deal with it. Let it go (with the implied but silent "already" behind it). Move on, they say. Move on.

And I am dealing with it, this grief and life after. I am. But does "dealing with it" mean going on in life as though my Father never existed at all? Must gone mean forgotten?  Well, they say; If it is affecting your life negatively, then you might be depressed. But I say, Can it be otherwise? Of course him being gone affects me negatively. I am not a machine or a monster who has not a heart to grieve. Is making mention of my Father in daily life a sin against "dealing with it" ? Sounds ridiculous, I know. But those to whom I am referring speak of him, when they speak of him at all, with acid tongues; words of ridicule for the dead man they did not like, rather than pity for the one who did; and Baby's love for--and mention of--that dead man seems but to annoy and agitate them, which only adds to her grief. Thus, I turn to writing, not talking, as a refuge from those who find Baby's crying annoying; that I might speak of my Father without reproach and honor him as the man I knew him to be. Thank you for listening. TLN.

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I feel for you and you need to be able to speak of your father openly and without negativity. Your relationship is separate from theirs. Put up his pictures and make some new friends who you can say his name to as often as you need.  We have to speak of them and go through our emotions in order to grieve them and to move on. So, sorry that your family is not supportive. They need to be their for you regardless of their feelings about him. Hang in there. What you wrote makes absolute sense. You are on the right path.

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