GRIEF PARALYSIS

[Nabs]

Good morning, Its been one year and eight months since I lost my dad, and one year and ten months since I have lost my mom and nineteen years since I have lost my brother. I had a very tumultuous childhood, my brother was to me my only real connection to this world. With him I felt like I belonged somewhere. I sadly was not allowed to grieve his loss. My mother decided that part of her rain of terror I was never allowed to express feelings and all these years later I had felt the loss but have learnt how to efficiently hide it under a cloak of getting on with life. Fifteen years ago I met my now late parents, who were technically my new in laws. And for the first time in my life I found unconditional love and acceptance. We had the closest bond ever. Over the years they have been part of my joys and sorrows always being my rock, support and safe haven. They just loved. They gave me a sense of security and stability. And when they both suddenly passed away within two months of each other I hit a brick wall of inexplicable, rampaging emotions, moods and paralysis that I just cannot fix. In the first year I made life altering changes, I quit my job that I loved as I felt that it was as a result of that job that I hadn't spent enough time with them in the end. Now they are gone and I have this amazing legacy of the most amazing examples of how to be a wonderful parent and how much they loved me and /I'm stuck. I am watching my life dissipate in front of my eyes as I withdraw and I feel completely incapacitated,I watch my kids and always being super responsible and prioritizing them I see how I am letting them down with my present absence. How do you navigate past the pain? How do you find who you are when you are paralyzed by your own existence? I am currently unemployed, saw a grief counselor for three sessions and financially my family needs me to get it together but I am failing to do so. What do /I do?

[ModKonnie]

Well, the obvious would be to say that you simply get it together, but I'm sure people tell you that all the time. I'm not sure what you mean by paralysis? Are you unable to get yourself moving? Can't get up in the mornings, can't make decisions, can't do normal daily things? Is that what you mean? 

Have you talked to your doctor? It sounds as though you are suffering from depression. I mean, I'm no counselor, but if "paralysis" is all the above, then perhaps you need medical intervention. 

Have you tried self help groups? The ones in which you have to talk? Talking about your pain helps release it. Does your family talk to you about the changes in you? What are they saying? 

Honestly, continue to go to your grief counselor and continue to come here and join in conversations. Are you eating healthy? Are you sleeping? What are you doing on a daily basis? 

We will be here with you,

ModKonnie

[Lottie_Lulu]

You need to get back into counselling, is there any way you can do that financially? This sounds like grief and the horror of your parents coming back to really knock you down. I understand how you feel; my dad died 3 months ago and he was incredibly abusive and when he went I felt like I finally got off the merry-go-round of abuse I had been on for 40 years except instead of stopping and going "isn't life great" I just literally feel super dizzy as if I am still on it and still whizzing round. I tried to make plans on how to improve my life but until I've grieved and given myself time to get well again that's just not going to happen. I agree with ModKonnie. 

Be kind to yourself, give yourself time, put in place plans to make yourself well again but be aware this is a long process and you've got a lot for your brain to deal with and work out. I speak from experience on that one.

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