How do you start to cope with the loss

[Georgia.simpson]

Hi everyone it's my first time doing somthing like this but have no idea who to turn to. 

I am 23 years old I lost my partner of 3 and a half years in march 2016 through a potential murder and I'm struggling to cope I feel so lost empty and like half of me has been ripped out. 

We did everything together and we understood each other in so many ways even though there was a big age gap.

part of his family point blank won't stop blaming me even going to the extreme of turning up to my house attacking me. 

 

Does this get easier or has anyone got any tips on how to start being able to focus on other things.

 

any help would be greatly appreshated.

[claribassist13]

Georgia, 

Please allow me to say how sorry I am. I know that the words do nothing to soothe the awful pain you are feeling, but I mean them nonetheless. 

What I can say is that you have to allow the grieving process to happen. You need to feel what you are going to feel when you are going to feel it. Trying to shove all of that down will only extend your healing process and damage you in other ways. It's important to do things that make you feel close to him. For example, you could visit places that you use to frequent together. Listen to his favorite songs and eat his favorite foods. The worst thing you can do is pretend that nothing happened. 

I would also recommend going to see a grief counselor. A grief counselor will not only provide you with an unbiased party to talk to but they will be able to walk you through other exercises and techniques in which to grieve in a healthy manner. 

As for the matters of your partner's family, a counselor would be able to point out additional resources. Also, don't be afraid to involve the police. 

The real truth is that you are only 4 months along, and the fourth month is one of the hardest (for several psychological reasons). The first year is going to be extremely difficult, but you can do a lot with a great support system. Don't be afraid to reach out for the help you need. 

[velvettuberose]

Georgia,

I am sorry you are going through this. Just like Clari said allow yourself to feel the pain. Cry, scream if that makes it better, write in a journal, but most importantly go to counseling. 

Take your time and don't allow anyone to tell you what you need to do. 

Honor his memory by talking about him to the people who are willing to listen, say his name, be vocal about your pain. I know it is hard, but you need to let in out/

As far as his family, if they keep harassing you, get a restraining order and block any means of communication. 

We are here, if you need us.

[mittam99]

All the above is very good advice. Just remember, there is no "instruction manual" in grief and their is no timetable. It's your journey and honestly, all you can do is take it one moment at a time. Try not to think too far ahead because that is too overwhelming. Another thing to remember is that grief is very, very hard on you not just emotionally, but physically. Try to eat well and get plenty of rest if you can. It will help.

I wish you some sense of comfort and peace in your life.

[KayC]

Georgia,

I agree, there's been good advice shared here.  Do what you need to take care of yourself, first and foremost, and like velvet said, even if that means legal measures.  I am so sorry you have the additional burden of dealing with his family blaming you.  They want someone to blame and since it'd be too painful to look within themselves,, they look at you instead.  People always seem to want a scapegoat, but that doesn't make it right.  Protect yourself, you don't need that.  Maybe someday they can step back and realize you are not the villain, you are the person he loved more than anything in the world.

If you haven't already done so, I hope you'll make an appt. with a grief counselor, they can help you know where to start.  There's also a lot of good books on grief, you can read some excerpts from Amazon to see what strikes you right.  Allow yourself to feel your grief, it's okay to cry.  Beyond that, no two people do their grief the same.  Some want to remove every reminder of that person and others create a shrine.  It's what feels right to YOU that matters, and that might change from one day to the next.

[Millie681]

Georgia,

I agree with all the wonderful advice people on here have given. You just have to do what is right for you.  I am so sorry for your loss and the additional stresses you are dealing with. I wish you peace during this time. 

[Jeff In Denver]

Georgia, first, I am very sorry that you're dealing with this.  I believe that you need to talk about it, write about it, and go through it.  You can't keep it bottled up inside, tough it out, or ignore it.  That will not work.  Grief counseling is a terrific idea.

The age gap, etc., doesn't mean anything when you care about someone.

Another thing - you'll find a lot of support on this site.  No one wants to be here.  But we're all dealing with a huge void in our lives, and this helps.  We're looking for answers, someone to hear us, give us advice, and we use  this forum to just express our thoughts about the worst thing that has ever happened to us.