I just lost my cat, my super buddy

[katothecat]

Oh, man, I just lost Kato, my best friend of 15 years, within the span of ten days. I walk around the yard and look at the places he'd lay, his poop piles under the pine trees and imagine him running back to me.  In the 15 years, I was away from him once for three days.  He went for walks with me, trusted and depended on me and I can't shake the feeling that I let him down.

 

I guess it was feline leukemia virus according to the vet but that was after he died choking in my arms early Friday morning.  It was the most profound thing I've ever experienced and I'll never forget it and I'll never be right after this.  It was like the universe conspired to kill him.  The first vet misdiagnosed him and anesthetized him contrary to my wishes, but he was the vet and he said it would be light.  Kato didn't ever recover and continued downhill, got so skinny, wouldn't eat...I took him to another vet who said there was nothing to be done at that point, gave me prednisone to see if a miracle would happen but, it didn't.  He died in my arms, struggling against death.  My God, what a tragedy to befall such a sweet, innocent, happy soul.  I prayed everyday and night for him but those prayers weren't answered.  They never are.  So, I lost my best friend, my only family member and the only good thing in my miserable life.  I am greatly diminished without him.  Why should I carry on?  For what?  More of this life, this horrible vale of tears?    

[dheisner@gmail.com]

Hi,  I just lost my cat today, my best friend, who has been with me through thick and thin for 15 and 1/2 years.  Cinmin was a sweet, loving cat, and I was the center of her world.

Cinmin, I miss you so much

You were the best cat I ever had and we were strongly connected

You liked to be in the same room I was in, even if it was just for a few minutes.

You liked to lick my hair and clean it, and I liked it when you did that

You made a cute squeak announcing the you were going to jump up on the bed.  Then you jump and make another squeak announcing you were there

When I said it was time for bed, you’d walk down the hall to the bedroom and jump up on the bed

You purred and purred when I petted you .

You liked to sleep on the pillow next to my head.

When I woke up during the night, I’d reach out and pet you; and you would purr happily.

Your coat was the softest fur ever felt.  Before you got sick, I brushed you and your fur glowed.  You liked being brushed and would come when I said, ‘Brush, brush.”  

The last few weeks, you wouldn’t let me brush you.

You looked thinner than you had, and your face looked drawn.

But I didn’t want to believe there was a serious problem

Then you started meowing all the time.

I’d feed you, pet you, and clean the litter box, but you still meowed.

And I began to believe that your time was coming.

When I saw blood at your mouth, I knew the time had come.

I made an appointment at the vet, and I spent the day patting you as much as possible, giving you the foods you liked to eat, and just being with you.

You purred when I patted you for a few minutes, and then you would leave and sit around meowing.

I know when I put you in the car to go to the vet that you would not be coming home with me.

I didn’t want to believe it but I knew it

The vet confirmed my fears.  Your weight loss had been going on for months.  You had a large mass in you jaw.  Blood was coming out of your mouth from somewhere.

The vet said it was time to let you go.  If you were her cat, she’d let you go.

I help you in my arms while the vet went to get the materials she needed to end you life, peacefully.

You curled your nose in the crook of my arm.  I felt as if you knew what was happening, and we held on to each other.

The vet came back with the drugs, and I held you in my arms, talking to you as I watched the drugs that would stop you heart go into you body.

I held you and talked to you so that you wouldn’t be afraid, and you were comforted by my presence and my words

I felt you slow down, but you were still moving and you still looked at me and were comforted by my holding you and talking to you.

I watched the medicine continue to go out of the syringe into your leg and I felt your movements slow

I knew you were going, that you had to leave, but I wanted to hold you in that peaceful moment forever

And then you were still.

And I knew you were gone.

And I held you and petted you and told you how much I love you and how much I’m going to miss you.

Tonight at home, the house feels empty.  I miss you, my friend.

 

You were such a good cat.  You kept me company.  All you wanted out of life was to be with me.

I loved reaching over during the night and feeling you.  I’d pet you for a few minutes, and they go back to sleep, comforted by your presence.

I know you had to go, but I will miss reaching out for my friend and making that connection.

You were brave today, and I was proud of you.

Maybe you knew that they would only let me stay if you were calm, and you wanted me to stay.

I know I gave you a feeling of safety and comfort for those last minutes, and I’m glad I could do that for you.

But tonight, without you here with me, I am sad and lonely, missing my friend, by buddy.

I miss you, my loyal friend, but I am glad that you no longer have pain and passed over in the arms of someone who loved you.

But I'm so sad without you.