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I'm sliding down the rabbit hole

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Hi, I will try to make this short.  It will be two years in October I lost my husband to terminal cancer and seven months later I was diagnosed with cancer.  Finished treatment and am currently no evidence of disease.


I returned to work after my treatment and a guy whom I knew liked me from day he started, stayed in touch during treatment and I were becoming good friends.  We would grab lunch and a drink/dinner after work as friends and within months developed into relationship.  We dated a short while as our work, distance and his children were quickly adding many layers of obstacles.  Meanwhile what I thought was my best friend abandoned me right after treatment. 


Dating this guy made me feel wonderful and loved and was helping with the loss of my husband, my friend and my own cancer.  When we ended I was in a whirlwind and then my ex-best friend decides to stab me in the heart more by telling me that once my husband passed she really didn't feel the connection with me anymore.  This was a little over two weeks ago and my slide into the rabbit hole began.


It is taking every once of strength to get up each day as  I really made a mess of things with the guy I worked with.  I let all my fear, anger, grief and insecurity get the best of me and it is so not like me.  I have started counseling and I'm so afraid of how I feel.



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I am so very sorry you are struggling with your health, your loss and now the devastation of losing a friend. I am so glad you are going to counseling; they will help you sort it all out. Talking about how you feel is the very best way to deal with your feelings and heal. Hopefully, your therapist will also suggest to you to keep a journal because journaling is a great and wonderful way to explore, discuss and heal.


We will be here for you,



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I know exactly how you feel lostsoul84 my mam died 2 months ago. I can't accept it. I go on each day as if nothing has happened... Try to block it out... To me my amazing mam isn't dead. She's just on a long holiday. But at times it hits me she is and it tears a gaping wound in my heart. I need to be with her but can't because I have a son to take care of. I also have a very unsupportaive and absentee husband so that doesn't help me at all. I can't grieve and don't have time to.... Maybe I would be better off with my mam after all

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