Witnessed my dog ran over & had chances to prevent it. Extreme guilt

[Joshua&Buster]

Hi i'm 26 yo had one dog my entire life & yesterday I witnessed my 15 yo jack russel Buster get ran over yesterday in a freak accident & bleed to death in front of me taking his last breaths of air. I blame myself 100% because I called him to the mailbox with me by the road when he just wanted to go out back to play fetch but instead I made him follow me up front & a family friend stopped to say hello in their vehicle & when they went to drive off I thought to myself make sure he's not near the vehicle & in that moment I saw & heard him get ran over from less than 10 ft away. He was kicking like he does when he's dreaming & I can still hear his little nail scratching the road. I'm so scarred & traumatized & keep having horrible flashbacks of him dying & all the chances I had that could've prevented this horrific incident including him initially turning left when we went out the door to go in the backyard which is fenced & I nudged him to go up front & then called him w/me all the way to the rd & a neighbor unexpectedly stopped to talk & completely caught me off guard & distracted my awareness of where he was as I have done for 15 yrs.. I made several mistakes yesterday that could have prevented this. He was my best friend & only dog I have ever had. I could have never imagined losing him in this way & having to witness it being completely helpless. He just was put on water pills for his heart for this cough he started having several months ago & he was losing weight & getting healthy again w/tons of energy like the young Buster Brown he once was. I had been playing fetch everyday lately in the backyard & that's where he was headed before this took place. How can I get past this? How can I not forever blame myself for this nightmare I could have easily prevented. I've taken him in the front yard a thousand tmes w/out a leash as I dont live in a busy neighborhood & always make sure he doesn't go in the road. I feel I completely let him down. I have no close family at this time & I am trying to find ways to ease the pain. I've never felt so guilty & alone.I was only away from him for a yr of coellege out of those 15 yrs other than that I have spent every day w/him & he has been part of my daily routine. Closest bond I had ever & truly my best friend. I would greatly appreciate any advice on how to get past this. I feel as if I have to relive this nightmare everyday from here forward that I open my eyes in the morning not to mention I've always had great photographic memory & that is haunting me the most along w/the opportunities I had to prevent this. He was white & brown w/a perfect spot on his back. He was the picture perfect jackrussel. I've seen many in my life & never one as perfect as he was. How long will this agony last & how long will I continually get slammed w/these awful flashbacks? This took place right in front of my driveway so I have to be reminded everyday now & it doesn't help that everytime I walk out the door now I will be reminded of him naturally going to the backyard & me turning him around to follow me out front. It's eating me alive any help appreciate ty. 

[MayFGL]

I am so sorry for the loss of you best friend. He is not just a dog or a pet but, part of the family. I know because I've had several dogs died over the years. It's very heartbreaking when they die from a freak accident.

 

My niece had a Chihuahua dog Roxy once and she would drop her off at our business and headed off to school. We'd have the Roxy tied to a leash because we can't have them running around in a business. When she came back from school, the dog would be so happy to see her. Then, one day, she came back from school and took the leash off and was running towards the entrance. She made her way outside and into oncoming traffic. 

 

The guy who hit her had no chance to stop in time. Roxy died instantly. One of her eyes popped out. So sad. I'll never forget that aweful day.

 

I really feel bad for you and feel your pain. I know it will be extremely hard to step outside your house without the reminders of your dog. As time passes and heals, you might want to get another dog. 

 

Hugs

[Babyainey]

Hi Joshua,

I have been in your position. Many years ago I encouraged my nervous cat to follow my younger one into the world outside that he found so frightening. I felt I was doing right by him as he watched his younger cat companion climb trees happily.

Eventually in time he grew more confident, following the other cat and staying with her.

One terrible night...I forgot to lock the cat flap. They both went out...and dear tommy didn't come back.

I found him the next morning at the side of the road...his eye no longer in his head. I screamed so loud I woke the entire street. I felt beyond heartbroken and consumed with guilt that my own actions caused this.

It took me a very long time to feel happiness again. The depth of my loss felt so great that every time I stepped outside id feel sick at knowing my little friend died out there, alone...while I slept.

I realize this isnt really offering a solution to your heartache but I will say this to you. Like me...you couldn't guarantee what buster would do...you took precautions but he didn't. You are no more responsible for his choice in direction than I am for my cat walking out and going left to the road or right to the garden.

Your friends death will haunt you...but take some comfort you were there for him in his final moments...that his last look was at an owner who adored him...but couldn't prevent an accident from happening. (And you really couldn't have)

The joy of pets is a lifelong experience, the tragedy of their passing is always one of kind and loving owners torturing themselves with the could a/would a/should a's.

I hope this helps you somehow. Your not alone x