I forgot my anniversary

[Sammijo2424]

I am so upset, the 21st would have been my 21st anniversary, and I FORGOT! I was taking a nap today as I was not feeling well, don't remember what I dreamed, but it was bad, I jumped up out of bed, started crying, telling myself I had to go, I had to leave here, hurried to get dressed, then sat down on my bed and thought, I don't have anywhere to go and realized my anniversary was 2 days ago, have been crying ever since. I was suppose to go to a ball game, I couldn't. I have just been sitting here remembering all my anniversaries with Ron, the cruise, the many trips, the many presents, the cards, just all the love we shared, I don't want him to be gone, he should be here with me.

I am sure tomorrow will be better, I don't have too many days like this after almost 16 months, but for today, I am just sad, unhappy and wish for my love's arms around me

[Karen.Lyn]

I'm so sorry SJ! I wish there were something I could do to help. I'm not even sure what I'm going to do for myself. My first anniversary without Andy is coming up in June. 

(((hugs)))

Karen

[HeyJude]

I totally understand Marsha.  Part of me wants to remember and celebrate and the other part of me says "why, its all over".  Why bother?  Something has been going around and around in my head the past few days.  Let me try to put it out here.  When our spouses first die everyone says "he will live on in your heart".  I thought BS.  He is gone.  He isn't going to live on in me...how totally stupid to even say that.  Well, here lately, when I come up on something that normally Jerry would have taken  care of and now I have to do it, well, I hear him in my soul telling me that I can do it, that he taught me for this very reason.  I am no longer just "Judy".  I am a complete mix of Jerry and Judy, the two really did become one.  Does this make any sense?  Last weekend I got my tools out of my tool box and fixed my shoe rack.  Normally I wouldn't have a clue as to what to do but I could feel Jerry directing me.  It was almost as if he was saying "I didn't teach you how to properly use a screw driver just for the hell of it ya know".

 

So what does this have to do with you forgetting your anniversary?  Nothing really.  Just that it is okay Marsha, it really is okay.   I was more prone to want to celebrate the day we met because that was the day both our lives changed.  Don't be so hard on yourself.  It is all part of our new normal.