Good Bye Letter

[Chio]

My husband died on October 29, 2013. He was the love of my life. That night I took some pills but I was discovered by a family member and the rest was history. The following months I was abscent, evading my reality. I cannot remember much of these past months but to be in pain all the time. I'm broken. I didn't just lose my husband, I lost who I was with him. It is going to be six months since he died and I'm just  starting to realize what happened. A friend of mine suggested me to write a good bye letter, and after almost six months of neglecting to write it I got the courage to do so, however it just made me feel worse, I don't know what to do with it, in fact, I don't know what to do of and with my life.

 

[Karen.Lyn]

I'm so sorry for your loss. My husband died of complications related to his cancer therapy last July. I think I was numb for the first month, then I fell apart. I started coming to this site and visiting in the chat room. Everyone is so wonderful here. As soon as I felt a little better I started out by doing as many things as I could to keep busy. I tried things we had never done as a couple so I wouldn't be reminded. I told the story of his passing to anyone who would listen and now it's been nine months and I can get through it without breaking down completely. It still hurts but life still goes on. Get counseling if you can. It helps some people. Visit the chat room. You can just watch the banter or you can talk about anything you want and everyone will listen. You're not alone.

Karen

[Chio]

Karen, thank you so much for your kind words and for making me feel that I'm not alone. I'm sorry for your loss too. My husband was very sick, we were in the hospital practically all the time the last two years of our life together. Thanks for the suggestions. It took me this long to get to the point to realize that I'm still here regardless of my wishes, my Billy and I deserve better I guess. I just started reaching for help but I'm so sad that it is difficult for me to do much, the only reason I get out of bed is because Billy is not by my side and that hurts more than getting up. Thank you deeply...

[Dr. Pat]

Hello! I was pretty close to where you are now after the death of my first husband after a 7 year hospital in-out journey for cancer treatments. I know that feeling of not knowing what to do with your life. Who will I be without him? You might try writing the letter to him, not to say good-bye, but to just tell him how you are feeling, what life is like for you now. Then, perhaps you'll find you could write a letter from him back to you. Don't plan what to write, just pick up the pen or pull up the keyboard and start talking. Whatever comes out is OK. And don't ever accept that you're going to "forget about him". That will thankfully never happen - but he will sort of move inside you and you'll find you carry him around with you at some point. That's certainly not the same as having him with his skin on, but it's pretty good. I've self-published a book about my experiences of loss - since i have just recently lost my second husband to a sudden heart attack. Look on Amazon or Barnes & Noble Nook for author's name: Pat Sharp Brown. I wrote it specifically to help gals like you. 

[Chio]

Dr. Pat,

Thank you so much for your suggestions. It feels like I'm two different individuals. Intellectually, I can reason my loss as well as all my secondary losses, I can even make a plan of action, then it all goes to the garbage when I allow myself to feel. I'm discouraged and I feel sad because I can't transmit to my friends and family how I would like to be supported. I already wrote the three letters, I don't see any benefit yet but one of my biggest problems right now is my lack of patience with myself. I'm sorry about your losses and I thank you once more