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butterfly10954

how to comfort someone when you hate them

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My father died this past 4th of July, and I hate to say it but I do blame my mother for his death. I am 41 years old, and all I can remember of my childhood is my parents fighting. It is tough for me to think of good memories, even though they were there. My parents would have been together 50 years this October, and it never ceased to amaze me how he stood living with my mother.

She could be mean, insensitive and belittling to my father and it always bothered me, but never so much as the last few years. My father was getting older, and my mother would constantly be on him to do stuff around the house, and help her with this or that, then berate him if he didn't do it the way she wanted. She would criticize him over everything, and he would just sit there and take it.

The day he died she was bugging him to do something, and he said he was tired. She kept on complaining til he finally did it, even though he obviously hadn't been feeling well for a while, although he never told anyone. I kept thinking why can't she just let the man rest???

After we left that day, he was taken to the hospital with a heart attack, and he never made it through. Everyone, including my mother, was devastated and shocked, because we didn't even know he was sick. He never told anyone he had been having chest pains, which he had, and he just did whatever was asked of him, although he must have been feeling like ****.

That day was a metaphor for his whole life.

So as you can imagine, it is really hard to comfort my mom at this time. I feel like she never appreciated him when he was here, and now he is gone and she doesn't know what to do with herself. She is beside herself w/grief, and probably guilt too. I try to listen to her, but that old anger is just below the surface, and I really can't forgive her for how she treated my father for years. I am also angry at him that he never left her, but I guess they loved each other in their own twisted weird way.

So how's that for complicated?? Any suggestions? Cindy

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swede1   

Butterfly,

You don't have to feel guilty or beat yourself up on this account. My situation is very similar, but with opposite parents - father is the bad one, Mother was the better one. They were together all of 60 years and he made her institutionalized illness ( for 6 months ) and passing, AND aftermath for the rest of us, sheer hell overall. The ONLY good thing he did was visit my Mom pretty much everyday, but then it was often only for an hour/day. To make it worse, his sons are/were more like him than our Mother. My eldest brother then died 2 months after our Mom, and the worst one of the two is left as my only remaining brother. He's just carried on the 'tradition' of being evil, greedy, impossible, so I no longer have any contact with him. He's stolen our future inheritance already, after putting our father in a home and not paying for his care there. In any case, not feeling like being supportive is pretty natural when you're dealing with horrible people who made someone's life hell. For me, I first tried, out of the goodness of my heart, to be nice to my dad, but he screwed me so badly despite my effort that I don't give a damn about him anymore. And he forever ruined my Mother's final arrangements, which can never be changed now. I don't feel guilty in the LEAST for not caring about him! I gave him one final chance, he blew it royally, so he can reap the consequences for that now, and he is. Not one soul visits HIM in the home he's in - too bad, so sad, I say. He's dying alone, just as me, my Mom, one of his sisters and a multitude of other people said he would if he didn't clean up his act years ago. Tough beans for him! Being alone, with severe dementia isn't as bad as what he did to everyone else his whole, rotten life.

On the plus side, at least your mother is feeling SOMETHING for her dead husband, which is more than what I saw with my dad. He'd go from lightly crying about her, according to him, murder ( just a story in his head, more than likely, but I had to listen to this! ), which was more about his loss of control over her than her actual death...to WHISTLING a happy tune!

As for leaving the marriage, I'd asked my Mom many years ago, when I wasn't even a teen yet, why she stayed. She said for us kids firstly. I told her I'd rather be with JUST her, rather than having to live with that monster, but then she told me she'd threatened to leave him before and he said he'd hunt her down and kill her ( and I think us kids, too ) if she dared try. So many parents stuck in terrible relationships may have their reasons, whether they're good reasons or not. I also suspected that, as a woman, back in those days, things weren't easy at all for single mothers, plus I think my Mom was hanging on to the supposed financial security ( not uncommon, even today ), so there was probably more to the story than maybe even she had figured out. There's also usually an emotional and mental pay-off for anyone staying in bad relationships, whether they can see or admit to it anyway. It's hard to figure these things out without more information from either that person themselves or other relatives. And I know how difficult this is to settle in our hearts, as the children of bad marriages, once our loved parent is gone and no more answers are forthcoming. It's not even really our job as the children to have to worry and fret about such things, and yet we do. How can we NOT, when it affects us so deeply? All I can tell myself in the end, is that it wasn't MY choice to make and I just have to deal with my own personal fall-out, as best as I can manage. So for your mother, do what YOU really want to do, after weighing the pros and cons and probable consequences of your actions. And yes, you're also allowed to change your mind at any time, and make mistakes, too, as you try to deal with this. You can also try doing one thing and see how it goes, how you then feel about it, and see if you need to try something different after that. For me, there was ZERO comfort to be either derived from, or given, to my remaining brother, as far as I could tell. He wasn't sad in the least, that he showed, that our Mother died, and when our brother died, the ONLY comment he made to me personally was, "If he hadn't died, at least I'd have some HELP here!" Not only was he trying to lay a guilt trip on me ( which I wasn't about to accept, as I don't live where they do, and had NO income at the time to travel again, and he wouldn't consider paying my fare to get there to help him...out of all the money he had control over then ), but to him, it was all only about money and effort, with no feelings attached. So to hell with him, too! I disowned everyone but my Mom years ago, and although it has pained me no end to see my hopes of reconciliation in the face of family tragedy totally STOMPED on, I can do it again, in the name of my own sanity. I have to live with these sorrows every day now, but it's better than putting my now-more-fragile self in the hands of the enemy! The last place I MIGHT see my brother is in court, if I decide to pursue a contestation of the illegal Will he had our father draw up so that everything went to him, when the time comes. It won't be pretty, or easy, if it comes to that, but if there's a good chance of winning ( if there's even anything left to fight over ), I'll do it for ME, for my MOM, and too bad what my brother or any other relative thinks. They all abandoned me in my grief, so TOO BAD!

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My husband and I lost our eldest son, Jack aged 5 years, when a crayfish trawler collided with the runabout the boys were fishing from, in May 2004.

Just last month we went through the ordeal of revisiting our raw emotions, whilst being involved in the trawler skipper's criminal trial. He was charged with gross negligence. The element of "reasonable doubt" (due, I believe, to baffling the jury with legal technicalities) saw him get off with a not-guilty verdict. At the same time as the trial, I also gave birth to another son (our fourth child). I share these details to paint the picture of our family circumstances at the moment, and to confess, that at the moment my husband is my least favourite person. I am aware that everyone deals with their grief differently. I am also aware that a high percentage of marriages do not survive the death of a child - and I'm beginning to see why. Hubby has, in my opinion, an addictive personality and a couple of "sociable" addictions to go with it, this was the case before Jack died and is still the case now - how convenient to now have a "legitimate" excuse to lean on drugs and alcohol! But it is his anger that is causing me the most pain - emotional pain. Even the self-medicating with booze isn't numbing his anger any more and my greatest fear is that our marriage isn't going to make it (to the detriment of our three surviving children?). Anyway, in amongst all of this, my daily prayer is the Serenity Prayer: Lord, give me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; the courage to change the things I can; and the wisdom to know the difference. And I've been reading some good books - this following quote I adapted from Dr Phil's Family First book.

'Finding meaning in my suffering: I won't allow myself to be devasted for no reason, no meaning and no purpose. I want to create some value to the pain that I've experienced in my life. From the tragic circumstances surrounding Jack's death, I choose to learn from the event and thereby protect my other children more effectively in the future. I choose to show my children how to learn to deal with and overcome adversity. I choose to help those who are further back down the trail than I am. I choose to take social action in order to create menaing out of suffering and to change the situation in which this crisis took place, thereby protecting other families. I will use my pain and what I've been through in my life, to create value from adversity.'

And this quote, I got from my Al-Anon daily reading:

"In Al-Anon I discovered that I don't have to react just because I have been provoked, and I don't have to take harsh words to heart. I can remember that they are coming from someone who may be in pain, and try to show a little compassion. I certainly don't have to allow them to provoke me into doing anything I don't want to do. Detachment with love means that I stop depending upon what others do, say, or feel to determine my own well-being or to make my decisions. When faced with other people's destructive attitudes and behaviour, I can love their best, and never fear their worst."

Still trying to take my own advice, love Peta.

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riversoflife, I am so deeply sorry you are going through so much, and for the tragedy that took Jack away from you. I'm a recovered addict, now clean since 1980. About addiction, I can only say that the addicted mind seeks reasons to use. The death of your child is more than his addiction playing into the tragedy, it's also a source of depression. A depressed addict will use more, trying to numb the pain of the depression. He must break this cycle, and he'll obviously need help to do it.

For you, if he is turning physically or emotionally violent against you or your children, please act on it for the sake of your children. To see a marriage end is painful for children, but to live in abuse is much worse. I know. I grew up in foster care. Please keep your children safe, even if it means you need to separate from him. I'm not saying divorce, but a separation to protect you and your children, and also that act of finality that will hopefully result in positive changes for him. If you must go this route, you will need to see long term positive changes before you reinstate your marriage. The addicted mind can be seductive in getting results for personal gain.

I hope this helps. I'm not an expert, just a guy who grew up in a bad situation, turned to addiction, then got clean. Now that I am, I have a beautiful family, and I'm even a proud grandpa.

My thougths and prayers are with you.

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alwaysmyjennifer, thank you for your words of wisdom. I have been suspecting that separation may eventually be a path I'll have to consider, but until then I'll continue to address my own need for healing especially regarding issues of self-acceptance, emotional dependancy, 'detaching with love' (Al-Anon have taught me heaps!) and all the other stuff I inadvertantly contribute to our dysfunction. I read a fabulous quote recently which sums up where I'd like to be: "Serenity isn't freedom from the storm, but peace within the storm." I believe this relates to my grief journey also. Question - what was it for you that got through the addled addictive thought processes, that motivated you to clean up? Sometimes I wonder if even separating won't 'open the eyes' of my hubby, but only give him reason to be angrier.... as one thing I have discovered through this journey, is that there's very little in my life that I actually control. Thanks for your thoughts.

Peta

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Good Afternoon Everyone, As often as I come to these boards, as never thought to share on this topic until today. That seems to cover how I feel about my mom. My grandmother used to say that you don't hate a person, you hate their ways. For a long time I couldn't seperate the two. I was in my 40's surviving all kinds of emotional and physical abuse and years of addiction before I learned that my mother did'nt have the ability to pass on to me something that she doesn't possess. There is something deficient in her. I'm her first born child and for years I couldn't understand why she treated me like she did. No matter what I did it was never enough. What I didn't know was that I could never do enough. She knew that I wanted, no needed her love and she dangled it in front of me like a carrot on a stick. In search for a feeling of belonging I dealt with people and went places that if I liked myself, I wouldn't have gone. It took treatment and therapy to learn that whatever issues (and there are a few)she has I had to stop making them my issues if I ever wanted to be my own person. One day I told her that I wasn't going to keep taking the blame for her getting drunk and pregnant. The expression on her face was priceless. Am I flawed? Damaged? Hell yeah. But I have found a God of my own understanding, who loves me. I am beautiful in his eyes. And I am learning to love myself in spite of years and years of my mother's negative reinforcement.

G.I.JOE said that knowing is half the battle. Been clean and sober since 1999. In treatment you learn that even though others may not change, you have to. Lost my grandmother in 2003, godfather in 2004, grandfather in 2005, husband a month later in 2006. I know not to look to my mother for support. Since my grandmother passed away she can't face all the damage she's done to our family. Her denial is in full effect and she is a danger to me. And as much as the old me would like to, the new me can't save her from herself. I have to protect me and mine. Her negligence caused a fire at our home the week after Stanley passed. We suffered damage to the house and loss of possessions. Now Thursday I have to take her to court because she's been holding my share of the insurance settlement hostage for the past 2 months. There's only me and her and she refuses to acknowledge that I'm entitled to my half. Trying to push that same ole button. I pray for her and for me too. Don't know what's going to happen but I'm leaving it up to God. Take care everyone and remember to be good to yourselves. Have a blessed day.

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sdimarzo   

Guest,

First and foremost, you must not take offense at anything he might say or do in the process of his trying to handle and work through his grief for his Dad. Death is a traumatic experience and even sane people can become unhinged and seemingly "off the wall", when it comes to trying to adjust to, deal with or cope with a death of a cherished loved one, especially a parent and regardless of how that parent may have treated or mistreated that child.

You almost have to have a hard shell covering your emotions because if you don't, you will be offended in some way and only isolate and push your boyfriend away more. Yes, it is going to be real tough in your approach to him, but showing your love and understanding go a very long way to helping him deal with his loss. Be prepared for moodiness, anger, temper flare ups, unflattering words spoken in haste, rejection and even flashes of split personalities that can happen on a moments notice. Always be there for him, even if he doesn't seem to appreciate it and above all, give him plenty of space if he needs it. To know exactly what to say, is very difficult, but don't take any of his expressions of anger personally because if you do, then it only feeds into his mind and continues the cycle of anger for him.

Do whatever you can for him like preparing his meals, doing all the shopping, cooking and laundry, so as to free up any of his time so that he can begin his healing process. If he volunteerrs to help, let him because that will be a sign that he is beginning to heal. Just love him and let him know you are always there even if he gets a little "strange" from time to time. Remember, it will just be his grief being exhibited, okay??

Always a friend,

Steve D.

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Starchild, I usually don't check on this thread, but I hope you return to read this. The reason I don't frequent this thread is from what I grew up in, a very harsh and unloving home. For years, I felt guilt about leaving my family behind, for not having much to do with them, etc. In the last decade or so, I've worked at trying to build (not rebuild) a relationship with my parents. It took me many years to learn that I can't value or devalue myself based upon their thoughts or words. I can't place guilt upon myself for their inability to care about me. I also had to learn to stop feeling badly that I left home at 13, the year my daughter was born. For me, trying to comfort them is impossible, for they want nothing of emotional attachment or comforting. Value yourself based on who you are, the love you shared for so long with Stanley, and based on the love you devote to your children. You're right by saying you can't save your mother from herself. I will keep prayer for you that you may have the peace you need, the emotional comforting you need and want, and the strength for today. Mark

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Mark: I beginning to think that you were sent by the Man himself.(smile)I only checked back because of an update on the topic. I've had alot of heartache and headache behind my dysfunctional upbringing. You can't help to be a little off center when all your life your taught one thing and get out there and find out it's something else entirely. Seems like I was always working from behind. But by the grace of God, he put people in my life who saw that it wasn't an act, I really didn't know any better. So they taught me to use my senses as well as my brains. I was basically raised by the streets. You know there's a part of me that wants to hold on to the old resentments. They were my comfort for so long. But as his child I had to learn to forgive her, so that I could forgive myself and grow in him. But I haven't forgotten. That pain is what reminds me of how much I don't want to be like her. And I believe how I treat her is the stick that God is measuring me by. Isn't it humbling when we realize that we have power after all. But the hardest part of the process was learning to use your powers for good instead of evil. It's always the hardest part. I know my friend that you can identify. My prayers for you and peace be unto you and your family. Till then, have a blessed one. Luv

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emmerann   

I just lost my 21 year old brother in a motercycle accident. I am filled with hate and anger. My mom and step dad are great and they have given me full family support. But my Real dad and my grandpa have always loved my brother but not me. To them girls never mattered. My dad used to beat my mom and my grandpa used to bring my dad out into fields so he could beat her more. My older brother got to pick out everything, even on my birthday. They took him fishing, hunting, to the ocean, everywhere. I stayed home with my grandma. So now that my brother is dead all of a sudden they want me back. My dad has apologised for this and i feel like i can forgive him a little. But when my grandpa was hugging me and grabbing me at the funneral and after i wanted to push him away. Now he finally wants to get to know how wonderful i am but all i want is my brother back. Not a grandpa and dad who nevered cared before.

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My mother invited me to her house in July of this year under the pretense that we were cleaning out her sewing room. When I arrived she told my daughter, 27, and myself that TWO YEARS earlier she had been diagnosed with Congestive Heart Failure and had a "heart attack". I was devastated and could not understand why my 2 brothers knew of her illness but we were not informed until 2 years later. I recently received a letter from her telling me what a terrible daughter I have been. I am in shock and hurt so deeply I could just scream. I do not know what to do with her and this letter. She thinks I am a theif, a bad mother, terrible grandmother and that I show no consideration for her privacy. I am at a loss..I just need someone to talk to

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My mother invited me to her house in July of this year under the pretense that we were cleaning out her sewing room. When I arrived she told my daughter, 27, and myself that TWO YEARS earlier she had been diagnosed with Congestive Heart Failure and had a "heart attack". I was devastated and could not understand why my 2 brothers knew of her illness but we were not informed until 2 years later. I recently received a letter from her telling me what a terrible daughter I have been. I am in shock and hurt so deeply I could just scream. I do not know what to do with her and this letter. She thinks I am a theif, a bad mother, terrible grandmother and that I show no consideration for her privacy. I am at a loss..I just need someone to talk to

I may not know how to fix your problem but I myself have a mother that is bi-polar and suffers from cardiomyopathy and congestive heart failure. One thing though that may have happened - and I don't know if this helps you - but as the heart loses power, as it does in heart failure, so does the brain. Maybe she was just out her head. Let's hope she didn't mean the things she wrote, because I know my mom's done all sorts of things she doesn't understand herself. You wouldn't believe the ugly things she has said to me, and then she won't "remember" that she even said it. It sounds like we almost had the same mom.

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Guest Guest   
Guest Guest

My question is exactly the thread header. How do you? My abusive dad just died and i am supposed to comfort my mom, the woman who never had a problem with witnessing countless abuses of all sorts by her husband to her daughter. I want to let go and forgive all and everyone. But i am not there right now. Right now all my feelings are about hating my mom, and resenting her for wanting to play the part of the sad daughter, the caring supportive daughter in a happy family. I just don't want to have to play a role. But i am lost. I hope you all if indeed there is even anyone out there, are okay!

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sidvis   

I just read your post. What a difficult situation to be in. All I can say is feel what you need to feel and don't feel guilty for not feeling. Grief sucks. I suppose you could tell your mom "sorry for your loss, but you must know I don't feel it." Right now, she is in a haze anyway. Let others be the "comforters." Don't force emotion you don't have. Just keep a low profile if you can. There will be plenty of time to hash over all the pain.

It is good to post here. There will be others who will respond to you.

I wish you strength and courage to get through.

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Dear Guest, I too am so sorry for your difficult situation. I totally second Sidvis in that you shouldn't try and force emotions. And try not to let guilt ride in, because you have NOTHING to feel guilty for. You are the victim of horrendous deeds, and I'm so sorry you rmother looked the other way. There is no rational excuse for that, and she must have her own demons to deal with as well. I pray in time your relationship with your mom can be restored, as often after the person who committed such horrible acts has gone, the ones who were affected by this can begin to open up, hurt and heal together. I pray peace will come upon you like never before and that you can find a way to process your past hurts and your current loss in a way that will bring you to restoration in self and heart. Hugs, Claudia

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I am confused about why my username said Guest? I did choose a username, that was not Guest. It totally doesn't matter, just confused. Anyways, i did not expect anybody to read and or respond to what i wrote. I sure am happy that you guys did though! Thank you so sincerely! It has just gotten back to me that basically my mom is on the edge...and i have been strongly advised by the one person who knows "stuff", not to think the day will ever come when my mother will be strong enough to open that can of worms at all. I do not want the worms! Do you guys think that i can do comething mentally, spiritually by myself to lose my resentment and forgive everyone including me? I know you guys are here because you have or have had a broken heart to, and know that i honor that and am ever more appreciative of your kindness because of it. I would like to one day pay the support forward here. But right now all i have is my present self'centered situation to overwhelm me. Whew! Okay then...I hope everyone is well today, prayers for all good things. Thanks again!

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Dear Forgiving, miracles do happen! And though your mom is on the edge, nothing is hopeless, no matter what anyone feels or says now. But for now, you are right! You must take care of you. You have a lot of burden in your heart, so much pain and unforgiveness. When I lost my son Joey last July, I was angry and I knew I could only begin healing if I could reach the point of forgiving those that were negligent surrounding his untimely death at just one week prior to his 24th birthday. I got on my knees after a while and begged God to help me find my way to forgiveness, and He did lead me there over time. That was a miracle! You don't have to walk into a church to find that place with God to ask His help. I spent a lot of time praying, crying, begging, and on my knees. And He answered my call. I also kept reaching out to people here who could "relate" to me and my pain. So much wisdon is shared here as people journey together through loss, trauma, pain and healing. Please keep visiting and pouring out your heart in what ever way you need to. No one is judged for how they are processing their pain, and there is always a supportive person that will listen. A lot of venting may be necessary for you as well, and this is a good place to vent and sound off what you are going through. I believe you can and will come through this and that you'll grow through the adversity as well. Blessings & hugs, Claudia

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Forgiving, I do not usually come to this thread but I was looking for Claudia! And low and behold I found her, helping someone out as usual! I could not agree with her more. It takes prayer and more prayer to get to a place where you can put some of it behind you. Rational thoughts are scarce when you are dealing with something this tragic. I continued to think if I just knew the exact causes and who was to blame for my brother’s death, then I could better come to terms with it. It was Claudia who pointed out to me that I may never know the exact circumstances and I may have to accept that. That was hard to swallow because I felt if I could blame someone then it would help me move on. Finding this site was a life-line for me. It brought me in touch with wonderful caring people and it brought me back to God. I think that most people either cling to their beliefs during these dark times or they run from them as fast as they can. I could not believe that God would allow something like this to happen and it took hours of pouring my heart out to Him before I began to accept His will (not mine). I would strongly encourage you to try and come to terms with your feelings before you tackle the complex situation with your mother. I hope that I can be of help if you need that. You too will find that reaching out to others helps you feel less alone and lost. I will pray for you and I think you have made the first step by being honest about your feelings and your fears.

Peace and blessings, Jackie

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Wow. How wonderful to have found my way whilst lost on my path to such compassionate and empathetic people. I am touched and grateful. I believe in Miracles. I have to. And i believe that no one could ever guide me through complicated forgiveness like those who have gone before. By example. I am so sorry for everyones losses, i truely am! Life is SO hard. I am wondering how one moves out of all the cognitive knowing of things like forgivess leads to healing etc...and into actually feeling it. I feel like i have the intension, but not the capacity, or the map. All i really am holding on to right now is my faith in prayer. I am quite depressed, manic and isolated right now. Afraid of it getting much worse. Anyways, you are all in my thoughts and heart and prayers. Thank you for your kindness!

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Forgiving, I can tell you with certainty that you are farther along than I was in forgiveness. I didn't even have the capacity to forgive in the beginning. I believe God, in knowing this, extended great mercy to me and gave me the gift of forgiveness. It was from there that I could actually start feeling it. And THAT was my miracle.

Keep holidng on! You CAN do this, and we're here to walk through this dark valley with you until the light shines upon you and even farther still. Blessings & Hugs, Claudia

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OK..now is my turn. How is this for dysfunctional crap making grief worse?

My husband and I both are a 2nd marriage. My 1st and I are very amicable, in fact we stayed with him and his wife when our son died last July--the 1st's son and mine. OK... And I am still really trying hard to cope with that grief on a daily basis, doing fairly well most days, but still crash and burn on others. His 1st is not amicable at best and worst I can't even say legally. She tried to kill herself a few days ago, which would have been successfull had my husband not initiated the 911 call to save her. Now he is the bad guy because the school counselors and social services are asking questions. Long story short, he is off to rescue the kids temporarily from that whole nutty scene and I will not see him for at least a month, maybe longer, as we are seperated by continents. Tonight the oldest estranged daughter of my husband waylayed me with every bad word she could think of to call me, and why? Because I was reaching out to the younger children. I know the pain of losing a loved one. I know what it feels like to helplessly have a son die. I would not be able to handle it if another kid dies for a senseless act--which one of the younger has resorted to "cutting" in the past several months--and it frightens me to think of her following suit if her mom does something so stupid. Cn you tell I am having a rough night? Here I sit, alone without my husband, bombarded with verbal attack by those he is trying to help, and being so far from my own family and friends--which one of my closest informed me tonight as well has advanced melanoma. Suddenly grieving my own son sounds like a peaceful chore............... Isn't that too sad??

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sidvis   

Dear Claudia, how crummy to be the one to have to bear that daughter's anger! I am so sorry she let it all out on you. I am glad you came to this place to express your distress, you know by now that it is very comforting to get it out and know we all hear you. Hang in there. You and your husband are to be commended for trying to do the right thing by his children. Peace

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sidvis   

Forgiving, try to remember what you are feeling is normal under the circumstances. Don't beat yourself up about it. Just take it all one day at a time. Peace.

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Claudia, I am so sorry for the situation you are in right now, especially so close to your birthday and the anniversary of Joey's passing. You have to remember what you have told me so many times, you are strong and you are put in this place for a reason. I wish I could come get you and bring you to Texas and wrap you up and forget, if just for one day, all the pain that is out there. I can't do that but I can actually do one better. I will lift you up in prayer and ask God to keep you close and comfort you and be sure that you do not feel alone. Check your email, I sent some of scriptures I found this morning. Please know my thoughts are with you and you have my number, call if you need to. Much love. Peace and blessings, Jackie

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