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Panic attacks - is this normal?


Sadpanda

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I lost my dad at Christmas. He was in his fifties and died of an infection he picked up in hospital. He went in and died within 10 days. I'm shocked and devastated, but getting on with life as well as possible, as are my mum and my sisters. In the last few weeks I've started having panic attacks for the first time in 15 years. It's horrible. I keep having vivid images of dreams I've had flooding through my mind, enormous déjà vu, my heart pounds, blood rushes through my body and I feel like I'll pass out. Is this normal? Should I go to a doctor? I'm not scared of doctors but considering I still feel like they killed my dad I'm rather loath to go and see one at the moment. Has anyone else had this and did it stop after a while?

Thanks for any advice. I just feel like I need a few honest opinions before I go and see someone.

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nammi_nammi

I can only speak for myself; and my loss isn't a family member, but it's been very hard for me to deal with nonetheless.  I lost everything including my 10 cats to fire early December, and since then I've had really bad anxiety and yes, some panic attacks - first ones since 1995 when I had a bout of anxiety to deal with for a short while.  I tend to worry about everything now and seems my worries are magnified 100-fold.  Even when I'm reassured, it does nothing.  I'm driving my husband crazy!!  I think maybe loss makes us more insecure in things and thus more fearful, especially if sudden and unexpected.  I would love to see someone and get help, but we have no insurance.  If it's worrying you and you feel the need for help, it couldn't hurt to see someone. 

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Thank you for your reply. I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. That's such a huge trauma, to have a fire like that. I hope your life doesn't hold any more nasty surprises and that you have peace going forward. I think panic attacks after such a terrible event is very understandable. If you've had them for years it would probably be good to get some professional advice. I wish you luck.

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nammi_nammi

Thanks...  Waiting on a home right now...  I really don't think I could handle anymore nasty surprises at the moment!!  This will take awhile...  No, I'd actually been doing really well with things for several years except for some slight underlying anxiety at times that kind of came and went.  I figured it was hormonal and didn't worry about it.  Now, though, it's anxiety everyday to varying degrees depending on what's going on that day.  I wish I could get professional help.  I'd love it.  I tried in February - my parents agreed to help pay and I was able to get reduced charges because of my husband's pay, but they made me wait 2 weeks after assessing me, then the day of my appointment they called saying they were short-staffed and would call back with a new appointment date and never did, so I gave up on them.  Life in a rural area...  No support groups or anything except for human deaths.  I'm pretty much on my own and having a really hard time of it.  Not much family support, either.  They don't seem to understand and expect me to be getting on with life A-Okay...  So if you can get any help for yourself, grab it definitely.      

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Dear Sadpanda,

 

(and warm wishes to n_n)

 

Four months after my sister died, I experienced extreme anxiety attacks.  Sometimes they escalated into full panic attacks and sometimes I just remained in a hyper-anxious state for hours.  Sometimes the hyper-anxious state lasted 8 and more hours.

 

I went to see a counsellor.

 

The counsellor I saw was very, very gentle with me.  We talked about the times when I noticed that the attacks were not there; generally all the times that I didn't have anxiety.  We found a pattern in those times: I was engaged in something meaningful.

 

Through talking with the counsellor and reviewing the past 4 months, I understood that I needed to not just be busy, but be doing some work that fulfilled me.

 

And I don't mean 'work' as in change professions, I mean be engaged and present in what I was doing and not just trying to fill time.

 

So in my spare time, I started working on a website and a dvd as a memorial to my sister.  This was very hard and I had a lot of tears.

 

But I didn't ever have anxiety again.

 

I just wanted to share my experience with you.  If you still are having anxiety and panic attacks, I would definitely look into seeing a counsellor.  They can help you find your own pattern and your own methods that you can try.

 

But also, to answer your question, is this normal?  I am of the opinion that in the matter of grief, all physical and emotional reactions are normal.  We have had our world turned upside down and it takes time to right ourselves... in a now different world.

 

I'm so sorry that you and your sisters and your mother had to experience such a loss.  Hopefully you can draw close and take some comfort from each other sometimes.

 

<3

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Thank you Hearlight. I was really touched by your message. I've had quite a few friends say the same, that all experiences in grief are unique and normal and I should stop putting so much pressure on myself to "be ok". It sounds like your counsellor was really supportive and helpful, and the website idea is beautiful. I bet you broke and mended your heart a thousand ways a day doing that!

As for me, I'm going to try giving myself a little more time to feel. I've been strong for my family (I'm the oldest so I seem to think it's my job to make sure they're ok) but sometimes I have to be sad for me. I think the pressure of holding it all in is what's giving me the anxiety and panic attacks.

Time to go and get some help and speak to someone about it properly.

Thank you so much for sharing your story and your advice. It means a lot. I know we're just strangers passing on a website, but you have given me a little hope today. Thank you.

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EternalFlames

I had panic attacks as my partner was dying and afterwards.

Slow deep breathing helps a lot in the moment. Might sound lame but it works. It causes your body to subconsciously shut off the panic cycle, and works better than a lot of medication. Doctors were reluctant to offer me medication and told me to rely on breathing first. Google how to do it properly (how many seconds to breathe in, how long to hold it in, how many seconds to breathe out). The internet is a wonderful resource.

In the longer term, I realized I needed to fill my life with more relaxation time. When you lower your overall life stress levels, you're less likely to have panic attacks. You can't get rid of the grief but you can do other things. Take responsibilities off your plate. Get people to help you with things. Take more breaks. Do more light exercise (e.g. long walks, long bike rides, yoga, slow jog). Exercise is amazing at killing stress. Set aside some time for a really relaxing activity, like fishing or a massage or a movie marathon. Go to a comedy club and laugh. The more you relax, the more it will go away.

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