60 years old and devasted over mother's death

[bville]

I was actually 59 when she "transitioned" (I can't even use real words) but the loss of a companion is very painful to bear. i have never been married, didn't meet Mr. Right and my mother was the closest thing to a "husband or boyfriend" I had. In terms of being able to speak to someone about anything. In terms of the bond of closeness. Constant companion.

 

I would have thought at my age I wouldn't be so upset but I am. Very lonely. Being older doesn't help.

 

I just wanted to share. Oh, and by the way, she transitiond in Nov. of 2012 and the pain is still huge.

 

I was very dependentt on her since I did not have a family of my own.

 

Just wanted to share.

 

thanks for listening. I appreciate it.

[ModKonnie]

Bville,

You are right, age has no bearing on when we lose a parent. The pain of losing someone so connected and so vital in our lives is extreme. Perhaps you should consider joining a self help group or some type of support group where you can share your feelings. This is a great place to do that, too.

I can see how you would be lonely. Do you have anyone else that is close?

 

We will be here for you,

ModKonnie

[darkpira]

bville,

I can't imagine what you are going through. I lost my mother too, though. She was my best friend. Just keep holding on to those things that keep you grounded and that you believe in. I'm so sorry to hear that you were unable to have a family of your own. Keep hanging in there. 

 

Grief is grief no matter what age you are. I think people disregard grief when people are older, but it really doesn't matter what age when it hits. In fact, from talking to older friends, I almost think it is harder at a late age. 

 

Much love,
Darkpira

[Trish91]

Dear Bville,

 

I am really sorry for your loss. I lost my mom three months ago to lung cancer, and I miss her every single day, and sometimes feel utter despair about her physical absence and my inability to communicate with her. I am in my thirties, but I think that even if I were in my forties, fifties or sixties, it would be exactly the same, for I loved, love and will always love my mom very deeply, she was my very best friend and soul mate.

 

I am very lucky to have a loving husband, a brother, a nephew, my dad, lots of aunties, uncles and cousins, loving pets, and some really good friends. However, nothing and nobody can replace what I had with my mom, our unique relationship. I don't have children and perhaps if I did, my life would have a lot more meaning, but I don't know, as quite a few people here also have children and still feel a lot pain, for the bond with our moms and dads is unique.

 

Besides, nobody in my peer group has lost any of their parents, so nobody understand how terrible it is and how much it hurts.

 

In any case, I am really sorry also for you couldn't find the right person to share your life with. However, do you have any siblings or close friends? Are you attending or have attended any therapy sessions? Do you exercise and have spiritual beliefs?

 

This forum is incredibly helpful. There are some wonderful people here, and amazing support groups like that of loss of a child, so please keep coming, there will always be somebody who will respond, there is the chat too, and there will be lots of people reading, for even if they do not write, you are helping us all when you share your experience.

 

Thinking of you, take care and God bless!

 

 

[Ravenstar]

bville, I share your feelings. My own mother left in July/12. I'm coming up to 2 years too, but the pain and loss are still there; we were also extremely close. I haven't written much about my mom's passing here because the second most important person in my life, Raven, left last September, adding another shock. I'm around your age too. I was her caregiver although we didn't live together. I'm still trying to find what to do with the rest of my life now, if there is one. I could see it coming, but there really isn't any way to prepare for such a thing.

 

No indeed, being older doesn't help. Feelings don't diminish with age; in fact, they get more tangled and perhaps more complex. I'm not "handling" this any better than I did losing my father at age 10! At a time like this, all the old griefs come back and add to the fresh ones. Sure, I know a lot about grieving now; but the time still has to be put in. It's very lonely for me too, not having her to talk to about everything, as I did. I know my choice not to have children was wise, but I will pay for it by not having what my mom did at the end. I've tried to collect a family of my own, but there have been more losses than gains over the years.

 

I don't like the "d" word either. Whenever I've used it, it sounded wrong. To me, my loved ones are still alive somewhere, in some form.

 

Yesterday I started the process of putting a grave marker on her grave. It's taken this long because of financial matters that had to be settled first. I had no idea it would hit me so hard all over again.

 

Blessings to you...