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Control?


Alone

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Is anyone else experiencing the need to regain some kind of control in their life?  I've gone from daily journals of my thoughts to documenting everything.  For example, I bought a device to track my exercise, diet and sleep.  It was supposed to guide, but its become a compulsion.  I now weigh or measure everything I eat to make sure I can log it correctly.  I time my stretching exercises and have a log in the bathroom for things like showering, vitamins, and hair and makeup.  I log calls I receive and all my job searching activities.  I now have either a laptop, iPad, or notebook in every room ready to log whatever happens. 

 

I feel crazy, but it's a crazy that has an element of comfort.  Everything else in my life is out of my control, but these things I can document and control.  

 

I think I've lost it....

 

 

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I think you should take your comfort where you can find it. I think it's less crazy than me weaving in and out of traffic on my motorcycle.  

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I keep track of days too. July 17, 2013 feels like yesterday and years ago. My Tom's birthday is coming soon - March 4th. My logging helps me recognize that there are things I can control. I sure can't control this grief.

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Uncontrollable grief...

I just got my Tom's walker back from a friend that borrowed it to use after knee surgery. I knew it was coming. I should have left the box sealed but didn't. One look at the handles ... the handles that supported him so well for months... and the pain is fresh again.

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