When will the pain stop?

[Tryingtohavehope]

It's been a month today since I lost my boyfriend! We only dated for a little over a year but I knew he was the one for me! I have good days and bad days but I just feel so alone! I want to text him and call him and tell him about my days but reality sinks in and I realize I cant do those things anymore! I had a break down last night because EVERYTHING I hear and see reminds me of him or a conversation we had or how we were going to live our lives together forever! People say with time it does get easier but I'm starting to think those people just don't understand! I know the bonds between certain people are stronger then others and/or are different and I believe thats why I feel so alone! He only had one sister and I talk with her every once in awhile (and that helps some) but knowing that we knew him in two totally different ways hurts! So when will this pain stop? Or will it ever? Im thinking in about 5-6 months getting a tattoo in memory of him, do you think that would be a good idea?

[backyarder1]

Hi Trying. If it's only been a month since you lost your loved one, you are still experiencing some pretty intense grief. It really does get easier as time goes by. Perhaps that is only because it has to. If the grief remains as intense as it is in the beginning, we would all just fall apart.

If you can find a grief support group in your area, I suggest that you do that. Because you are right. No one else is really going to understand it except for those who have lost "the one". There are no easy answers for any of us but this period of our lives calls on us to be as strong as we possibly can to pull through. Don't try to do it alone. Reach out to other people who are experiencing the same kind of grief, either through this website or through local grief support groups.

We are here for you.

[Alone]

Trying - I'm about 6 months ahead of you on this journey of grief.  What I've found is that while the pain doesn't go away, it changes as we learn to accept and adapt.  I never thought I would say this, but for me the pain has become bearable and in a strange sort of way it is a reminder and an affirmation of the depth of my love for my Tom.  People don't remind me of how great a love my Tom and I have, but the pain does.

 

As for the tattoo, please remember to take time with big decisions, especially decisions that you can't undo.

 

BY1 offered very good advice regarding grief groups.  Personally, I attend a weekly grief group (12 week program) and a monthly grief group.  Both groups have helped me greatly.  I would also recommend a one-on-one counselor if that's available to you.

 

Please take care and be kind to yourself.

[HeyJude]

Hi Trying -

 

It has been 13 months for me yesterday.  It still hurts but not like it did in those first few months.  As for the tat, I'm going to get one.  I have been looking for months for what I want and I finally found it.  Now I just have to find the time to go have it done. It is some really awesome angel wings and it is going to have his name and under that "Love Me Tender" which was our song at our wedding.  I can't wait to have it done!!

 

Anyway, all you can do right now is go one day. one hour, one minute at a time, whatever it takes.  You have a good couple of months of heavy grieving ahead of you.  One day you are going to notice that some of your memories of him no longer make you cry but instead make you smile.

 

I don't think it matters how much time we spent with our SO.  I was with my husband for 34 years.  When you are with your soul mate time doesn't matter.  It is more the depth of the love.  Hang in there sweetie, it will get more bearable.  

[Tryingtohavehope]

Thank you everyone! I have been talking to my mom about everything because she and I are super close and she knew him too! It helps because she has been through a similar situation! I ask my Keith every day for the strength to keep going and he seems to pull me through! Im just looking to make a friend or two that have been through the same thing! Im a very private person so I think thats why I dont want to see anyone, plus I live in a small town and I dont trust people with confidentiality clauses so to speak! lol Not all are bad I know, just not my personal way of dealing with things!

As far as the tattoo I want to get, It would be a horseshoe with his cowboy hat and a carnation with the words "Til my last day..." and then part of his name! He bought me flowers this past Oct for my birthday and or song was "Til my last day" by Justin Moore so he wrote it on the top of the little flower card! I want it to be done in his handwritting too!

Anyways before I keep rambling on, thank you everyone for the advice and support! It helps knowing there are people out there who dont think im psycho!

[brokenheart222]

I'm so sorry for your loss... No they won't understand if they haven't lost the one...I'm still in uncontrollable grief & I've been missing home 4 months now. It doesn't feel like it will ever get better. It's so hard missing the warmth of your man. I think I went through affection & love withdrawals. I felt crazy out of my.mind. you body can go into.shock I think at being so deprived so suddenly. Have a male friend or family member give you hugs & hold you when you cry. It's overwhelming missing their comfort... Their love & support. The world can feel so lonely & cruel while your in so much pain. Try not to make any crazy decisions that will hurt you in the future. Trauma of grief can cause the most reckless of behavior. After he was gone I stopped caring about myself.my life my body & made some really bad decisions. I was going crazy. Don't let that happen to you...& I was getting counseling. Still am, but I may.need meds at this point. I still cry everyday & thoughts have gotten darker, but at least I can recognise my spiral down & attempting to stop it. I haven't been able to work or hardly be functional at all. I hope you have a strong support system to get you through the rough road ahead. Praying for your continued stength.

P.s. I also want to get a tattoo with writing off a card he gave me. It'll be my first one... I like that noone else in the world will have our special tattoos. Also I got obsessed w/ trying to contact him or wondering if he still loved me. At that point I talked w/ a medium who was able to give me a small comfort. Doesn't help the pain. But I feel like he's here at least... I hope you can feel your Angel & know he's there w/ u through this awful awful time. I'm so so sorry again.

[Tryingtohavehope]

Thanks! Im on meds but I was before he died too, so he already knew I was crazy! Lol JK! For me right now the hardest part most days is knowing he was my best friend pretty much the only one I talked too! Ive tried somewhat to reach out to a male cousin of mine but I just feel like Im bugging him. I feel like people dont care because they didnt know him, when all I want them to do is care because they know ME! Its hard for me to get out of the house on the weekends but I make myself take those baby steps! Ive been going to work since the day after he died, Im a preschool teacher and I know the kids need me and it's kept me busy....but I don't want to get up in the mornings and go! My hardest point in my days are at night after work when everyone else has their children to tend to or their spouses and Im left to deal by myself (even though my mom is here since i still live with her). I would text him or call him all throughout my weekends, and mornings & breaks at work and evenings when I got home! He was my rock! Thank you for sharing and Im so sorry about your loss too!

[brokenheart222]

You're doing so much better than I am..you're amazing & strong..I'm sure that's only a fraction of the reason he loved you. I so wish I could give you more advice... I just am.barely dealing myself. So.your strength is a help & comfort to.me. I'd be happy to txt with you as I know how that feels to lose your biggest fan. that daily communication is so missed. I'm rooting for you Angel!