missingmybeloved

missingmybeloved

13 posts in this topic

My beloved husband Sherman left unexpectedly February 24, and I am in such a world of overwhelming hurt. I have never been hurt this deeply and profoundly in my life and have experienced death and loss that was hard to live through in the past, but this is beyond anything I feel I can endure. He was only 55 years old. We spent 31 years together and he was the love of my life and I am surprised each day that my heart is still beating cause it was such in cadence with his. Everyday is like I am living a nightmare. You expect your nightmares to be only at night and you wake up the next day, but each time I have to drug myself to most nights, I wake up and realize where I am and what happened all over again, and the rest of the day is a waking nightmare. I spend all day crying and sobbing. I talk to him but it is constant pain to know I will never see him again, or feel his tender touch and words. No one can say anything to help and I don't drive anymore and all I can do is try and find somewhere to write these words down and hope someone else can read my into my sorrow and share their thoughts with me. I even sleep with the last things he touched to try and feel something from him. I don't know how I am going to make it cause all I want to do is be with him in death and it consumes my thoughts each minute. It doesn't seem like prayers, religions or words can be spoken right now to comfort me and I wanted to write these thoughts down while I still can. The pain has only gotten worse with each passing day. People keep saying it will get better, but don't know I can survive it the way I am now. Thank you all for listening to me. It is good to write down what I can't say aloud to others right now. I am glad this forum is here for me now, even if I don't want to be on this earth right now myself. I am hoping, asking and praying that wherever he is he will wait for me too and knows how much I love him in life as well as in death.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I am sorry to hear about your loss. I can tell you I know how you feel right now! I lost my boyfriend/husband on 2/16/13 to a tragic snowmobile accident. He was 43 years old and loved life so much! I have a hard time just being awake and caring about life right now. Its so hard to just accept the fact that I will never hear his voice, see his face or feel his touch. Please know you are not alone and I would be more than happy to talk sometime! God Bless

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Thank you AustyKatie for your reply. I wish you didn't have to go through what you are going through cause believe me this is the kind of pain that I would not want anyone friend, foe or stranger to experience in their lifetime. I am feeling almost paralyzed from it all, and it only seems to be getting worse instead of better by the day. People tell me to take it one day at a time, but it is all I can do to take it one minute at a time. Days are not better than nights, and it doesn't seem to matter who is around or where I am the pain is a constant. Memories everywhere and remembering good times or bad always brings on the tears. I thank you for sharing your thoughts with me though. Know that your pain is truly understood and shared by another.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I am not in your shoes yet I have been in the same dark place you seem to be in. My husband died in April of 2012, almost a year ago. I have gotten past the extreme pain, yet I don’t think it ever goes away completely. For me time has helped the pain to be less intense. I miss my husband more than I could even imagine and my heart is now catching up to my brain that knew he was gone. The pain you are experiencing will be easier as time passes. Here are a few suggestions. Join in on the chat room when you can – sometimes we had a good chat and it is a great place to hear what others have been through. You found a great forum; we have lots of good people here. I also suggest you start today doing a journal. Really helped me to know today was better than yesterday. Joe Biden has a speech on the wed look it up on the loss of his wife and daughter – a real good advice moment it was for me. Look it up I think it was last Memorial Day. I kept a few shirts of my husbands and I put one special one on from time to time. I open his cologne and smell it I even had used his body wash – just gave me a peace in my heart. When you need support come here and when you get to the point you can give it – and you will then you can give support to someone who needs it. I send to you a BIG HUG – and know how hard you’re hurting – you are not alone.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

You are not alone, I lost my husband 02/25/13, I had exactly 1 week to accept that cancer was taking my love away. I've done everything they told me to, but I'm still crippled by pain. I sleep with a teddy bear he gave me a long time ago, and I spray it with his cologne. I'm always surprised that people are going about their lives when my world has ended. You are not the only one that finds the words of comfort from well meaning people useless. Its certainly not getting better yet.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Where are you in Ohio? i am in Ohio too. i lost my husband of almost 32 years in june in sept. it would had been 32 years.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I so appreciate the replies to my post. I never knew I could have so many tears and so much pain and still be here when he is not. I have got such varied replies from my own circle of people and others who have not been through such pain as losing their true other half. Some are people you have to just chalk up not having been in this situation. So far my days consist of just it is daytime it is nighttime. I keep busy but all I can manage to with right now is take almost everything I own and am giving it away or giving it to charities. There is such a deep hole inside my being that it is like I have already died myself and am just cleaning out my own things to save others from having to do it when I go too, cause I don't want to live this way. I can't move away, don't want to, but don't want to stay, can't drive cause I can't see through these tears anyway, don't want to go anywhere and can't sleep unless I take something for it, which I have never had to do in my life. I keep wondering if he sees me going through all this, and I don't know but I keep on apologizing for being such a mess. I could always fix anything that came down the pike for us for the last three decades, but I can't fix this, and I can't fix me. Thank all of you for replying to me. It does help to know there are those who are going through this too, even though those of us are in our own private hell of the half-life we are having to live. I am not able to talk about this on a live forum at this time. This is the only quiet way I have of saying what I am feeling even though words are unable to really convey this pain I am in. I do hope it gets better, but if I knew that it wouldn't I would be happy to leave this earth tonight. Thanks so much to all of you and for sharing with me.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Where are you in Ohio? i am in Ohio too. i lost my husband of almost 32 years in june in sept. it would had been 32 years.

Yes, I am in mideastern Ohio. My husband and I had been together since 1982. It just got better through the years but now it is though I never existed in the first place and have no business being here anymore. Thanks for your reply and thoughts too.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I am so sorry you are feeling such hurt right now. It is my experience in the past 6 months that life does get a little easier with time, but the pain does not go away. I still feel like a significant piece of myself is missing. I moved to Ohio almost 3 years ago and now, without my Jeremy, I feel like I do not belong here anymore.

I wrote Jeremy a letter the day after he died, and shortly after that I started a journal. It started out with pages of the little things Jeremy would say or do that I didn't ever want to forget. Another day I wrote about how angry I was, another was just all of the questions in my mind. It sometimes helps just to clear my mind a tiny bit, and generally ends with a good cry before falling asleep.

People really do not understand unless they have been in the horrible space you are in. I have had so much anger to people I considered being close to prior to Jeremy's death. I had one person tell me that we were "all in the same funk" and I just wanted to scream at her that her husband is still here. She may be grieving but it is definitely not the same!

Every person deals with grief and grieving differently, and some people are insensitive, especially if you do not grieve the same way they do. I finally had to look for a grief support group because I felt like I was going completely insane, and that the anger inside me was going to explode at the wrong time and towards the wrong people. It has helped a slight bit - at least I know I am not alone, and the group (and this forum) allow me to vent a little bit, which has helped my anger to subside slightly.

I also started reading a couple of books on grief and grieving. One is just a short little paragraph each day, which is sometimes all I can focus on, that helps me to know that I'm not alone.

These are some of the things that have helped me a little. I know that I am still very selfish - I am only doing what I can do to make it through one moment at a time. If other people contact me, that is sometimes nice, but most of the time I cannot even bring myself to taking the initiative to phone other people. This is definitely a time when you need to take care of just "the next thing" - one baby step at a time. ((hugs))

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

My dear who is missing her beloved,

My heart truly goes out to you and your pain on the recent physical loss of your beloved husband. Because it is so recent, and even when it is not, many feel their life has effectively ended for them now that they have lost their spouse, only it hasn't. You see, because a spouse is such an important part of one's life the surviving spouse many times feels it is the end due to the grief they are experiencing. But because your relationship was based on Love and love continues even after a spouse's passing, your spouse would surely not want for you to join him before your appointed time. That is because life continues both here as well as there. And those who are departed understand only too well that all life is sacred and meant to be lived until our own time comes to transition fully back to spirit. I say 'fully back' because we are spirit already otherwise we could not be animated or function in this physical world. But we have an added layer on top of our spirit called our physical body with which to function here in this life. And since this life is ever so brief compared to the vastness and eternity of the life hereafter, those already there would not ever want for their beloved still on this Earth to go before their time.

A person's birth starts the great countdown back to spirit at the moment they are born. No one knows why things happen as they do and why their partner in life must leave 'so soon'. But God makes no mistakes all must surely realize. We will leave at our appointed time and not one second before or after. For some that time is sooner than later but leave we all must. For the surviving spouse, living alone without their beloved, calls for added strength and tenacity to meet each new day and live it to the fullest which is what those in spirit would want for us to do. That is what makes them truly happy. But to hear that one feels so downcast and despondent that they feel they must leave before their time is what makes them truly sad and so hard for them. There have been many writings to this effect which should make us feel that all life is precious and though we miss our partner so very much, just knowing that they will be there for us when our time comes should make life worth living and a little easier to bear despite the pain and circumstances.

So, please know that you are not alone in this. Many thought it was the end when their spouse departed but later came to terms with the fact that there was nothing they could have done to stop something that is predetermined by our Creator and inevitable. The challenge therefore remains on whether we will reach out in love to those departed and assure them that we are in a good frame of mind to continue our day-to-day living or whether we will be a great disappointment to them by having them know that we feel we cannot go on and have to end it all. The latter is what hits home like a poisoned dart for those in spirit. But to know that we have found Strength to go on and that we still Love and care about them but will be true to our mission here on Earth and will continue living is what gives them also the added strength to feel truly proud to have a spouse that can bear the pain yet emerge victorious over it such that they can continue living.

And yes, your beloved Sherman knows truly how much you Love him as he is still with you in spirit and can plainly see it for himself. May God bless you always, my dear, and guide your life forward and lift your spirits high with the added blessing that you were able to overcome adversity and reemerge victorious and as a true blessing for all concerned.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

To Missing my beloved: My husband died suddenly on 2-8-13, he had just turned 55 on his birthday, 1-24-13. I took him to the ER at 4am, and he died at 3pm. We were together 22 years, he was everything to me, my best friend, lover, companion, my whole world. We had grown up together, drifted away from each other, married other people, had kids with other people, he was going thru a divorce and so was I. One day, out of the blue, he called me, I drove 4 hrs to go out with him that weekend. We stayed out all night both nights and on Sunday before I left, he told me he was in love with me, called me on Wednesday night and asked me to marry him, I said YES. Moved to be with him with two of my kids a month later, was love from day one, and I never regretted it, he was and still is the love of my life. I too don't understand how a heart could be so broken, devastated and keep beating, and ask myself daily why my heart has to keep going when his stopped. I have nightmares all the time, heck even daytime is a nightmare cause he is not here, keepp expecting the phone to ring and be him, but it never rings. I will talk to someone if they call me, but I won't reach out because I don't want to make everyone else sad. I still don't understand how this world keeps going, same ole, same ole, when it has changed so drastically, my love, the wonderful, loving, forgiving man I love is gone from this world, and my world is stuck. Everyone tells me just do the things you know you have to do, take a bath, etc, it is very difficult to get out of bed, much less do anything else. The only thing keeping me from taking my own life is my strong belief in God (who I have been very angry at, screaming and yelling at), my kids and grand kids. I even asked God the other day why he couldn't take Ron's brother, who I don't think is a good man, and leave my Ron, who was a wonderful husband, father, step-father to 3 kids he considered his own and 6 grandchildren (also, step, but he would always say they were his grand babies. My only saving grace is that I KNOW Ron will be waiting for me with his strong, loving arms to walk with me into heaven. I will pray that God will give you some peace and to wrap his loving arms around you, same prayer I say for myself many times a day

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Thank you all for replies. I am grateful for the time you take to respond to me as well as let me know your thoughts. Been another day here the same as the last 3 weeks. Tomorrow is 3 weeks anniversary that I have been alone. I have been looking throughout the internet for some words of comfort that I could read and/or listen to that helps me through but so far I am in the same frame of mind I was before. I am coming down with something, I don't know what cause I haven't left my house in 3 weeks so I don't know how I could pick up anything, but so be it. All I want to do is sleep anyway, but it is very difficult as those of you know how that is that have gone through this before. I am still breaking down as much as before in between bouts of extreme depression. I keep busy as I can but I can't keep my mind occupied with anything but his loss. Things I read on line say the departed have other things to go on to and they are on a different level of 'being', but that does nothing to help me here, other than to make me feel more alone than ever. Don't know if I will ever see him again or not, in this world or the next. I find I have lost all belief in most everything except missing him and misery. I don't have any close family members, or anyone I know that has been through this kind of loss nearby. I always thought I could handle most anything, but this is truly and completely beyond me. Thank you all for listening.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

My husband passed away February 2, 2012. That was six weeks ago today. I refuse to say "I lost him" because I still feel he is with me. The problem is I can't see him, hear him, touch him, smell him, and he never answers me back. We had been married for 48 years after knowing each other for ten years before our first date. There aren't too many memories without him.

Sixteen years ago he was diagnosed with MS and over the past four years developed many complications. When he got the flu in February he couldn't overcome it. We were living in a retirement center (they could cook and clean and help in emergencies) so I had energy to take care of him. Emotionally and physically exhausted, I knew I had to leave as immediately as possible. My children and grown grandchildren helped me move just four days ago. Talk about being on a roller coaster in a wind storm!

Tonight I'm sitting in a forest of boxes, feeling so very alone and lost. I know this is part of the "waves of sadness" to expect, yet somehow I thought it wouldn't happen to me. It is cold and rainy outside and I've not been able to get warm all day. Yesterday the TV and computer were hooked up, but not the land-line phone. Seems there is something wrong with the wiring in the house and next Thursday is the first available time a tech can come out. The quiet is much too quiet. Today is Saturday and we always spent Saturday afternoons and evenings together, so Saturdays are the hardest day of the week for me now.

What do some of you do when hit with a blue mood like that? I know tomorrow I'll be visiting a friend and all the other days of the week ahead have appointments or meetings or something to help fill up the day. Sleeping and eating are not very regular yet, but I know that will come. I don't feel like I'm depressed, but it is depressing to feel like this. Does that make sense? I'm grateful I happened onto this forum tonight -- it helps to know that others are on this same path. Thank you for being here.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!


Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.


Sign In Now