Namaste13

11 years later/ loss of mother

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Today would have been my mothers 61st birthday. 3/13. She passed away March 24 2002 at 50 years young after battling stage 4 breast cancer for 10 years. I was 23 years old at the time of her passing and 11 years later I struggle to cope with her loss. I had just revealed some internal demons to her months before her passing that left me with massive regret, unaware that she was losing her battle. She kept everything a secret to protect me, and I was naive.

The feelings of loss have evolved from numbness, to regret, to wondering if she is proud of me, and at 33 years old my feelings have molded into complete isolation and longing to pass on myself to be free of my constant emptiness. I was the youngest of two and after her death my family drifted apart. I am in essence alone now because the relationships with every family member has become non existent. My family never recovered from her loss.

I feel completely alone in my loss/grief. Therapy offers no release and meds only minimally alter my depression. I push everyone away and I can't break the cycle of misery

Any advice is greatly appreciated. Thank you.

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Today would have been my mothers 61st birthday. 3/13. She passed away March 24 2002 at 50 years young after battling stage 4 breast cancer for 10 years. I was 23 years old at the time of her passing and 11 years later I struggle to cope with her loss.

Dearheart, I am so very sorry for the physical loss of your dear Mother eleven years ago. I know that time has little effect on a loving heart who still continues to miss their Mother. We might ask how can it get any better unless she were to return to us? However, each person alive today has their own life cycle and some cycles are shorter than others. When a dear one returns to spirit one must consider that they are not truly gone, only in physical body which we wish they were still in, but they remain very much ALIVE in their Spiritual Body! And your Mother can still see and hear you as all who have passed on can do!

I had just revealed some internal demons to her months before her passing that left me with massive regret, unaware that she was losing her battle. She kept everything a secret to protect me, and I was naive.

You must not blame yourself for being honest with your Mother. Families have to rely on that honesty in order to remain coherent in their relationship. Problems of any kind, imho, are to be shared with those whom we love and trust the most and that can start with our own parents.

The feelings of loss have evolved from numbness, to regret, to wondering if she is proud of me, and at 33 years old my feelings have molded into complete isolation and longing to pass on myself to be free of my constant emptiness. I was the youngest of two and after her death my family drifted apart. I am in essence alone now because the relationships with every family member has become non existent. My family never recovered from her loss.

I embrace you in your lonliness, dearheart. I only wish that other family members would be more sensitive and able to discern what is happening during such a somber time and instead of dividing would be uniting even closer with their siblings. And of course your Mother is very proud of you! She brought you into the world and watched you grow up into a fine young lady and being part of her, her own flesh and blood, she must undoubtedly have a very special place in her heart for you in spirit.

I feel completely alone in my loss/grief. Therapy offers no release and meds only minimally alter my depression. I push everyone away and I can't break the cycle of misery

Any advice is greatly appreciated. Thank you.

Every person grieves in their own way and in their own time, my dear. The loss of someone so close to one takes its toll on many. And when they feel isolation moving in, it makes it doubly hard. But instinctively, that is when we as human beings with a wonderful God-given brain to think, should kick back any negativity that creeps in to surround us and instead bounce back by knowing that all that has happened is in Divine order and there is nothing we could have done to affect the outcome once our Creator calls a loved one back home. It is because He is with us all that we can find great comfort and be encouraged in knowing that our life can be as beautiful as we make it to be or as harsh and devoid of that beauty as we think it should be. Remember that misery loves company!

That wonderful and intelligent brain of yours has the great capacity to move mountains or to retain them. I believe that at your young age you have the full capacity to be a fighter that can spring back and despite the odds bounce back victoriously as undoubtedly your dear Mother would want for you to. If you don't feel like doing it for yourself, consider that a Mother would want only the very best for her child and that she would be expecting for you to recover and go on living your life as you were meant to do until at your appointed time you can reunite with her again! Take heart and know that You CAN do it and that it takes negative energy in order to feel down and hopeless and in the end it only makes you feel worse so choose to Feel Better and as you think, so you are!

May God bless you and surround you with His Loving kindness, comfort, and His Eternal grace.

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Hi there,

I really wish there was some magic words that I could say that would make this all better for you, but alas there is not. Firstly, do not beat yourself up, do you think your Mum kept quiet so that you could suffer now, no I think not, secondly it is the job of the young to be naive. It sounds to me that your Mum was trying to protect you out of love for you, it is time to honour that love and allow yourself to grow and have a life of your own, you are still young.. I can understand your feeling of being alone in your grief, my family was torn apart by the loss of my parents. I too do not feel therapy is the answer for me but I do come here often and try to help others in doing so that helps me. Now is the time to start making one step at a time, come here, talk, and do not push people away, then when you get used to that then maybe you can start in the real world letting people in, you deserve it.

Take care

Kay

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Namaste13, I am sorry for the loss of your Mother. I understand wholeheartedley how you feel. Being isolated and not having anyone to support you in the most difficult time in your life I hear you. What helps me is Prayer. Talking to God and my "Momma" gives me strength each and everyday to keep going. Some may call me crazy but I am doing so much better now because of what I am doing. I go to therapy as well and talking to my doctor helps me release the anger, hurt, resentment, hatred, jealousy, envy, and everything else others have against me. You are not alone. We "All" experience death in different ways. My "Momma" was "All" I had and when she left me it was the WORST day of my life. I had sidblings but had to estrange myself from them before I lost my Momma. Do I still cry? Yes. I go and visit her grave at least once a week sometimes more. I talk to her and tell her everyday I love and miss her and will never forget her. That helps me. I hope something I have written you will help you in some way, shape, or form. Hang i there. God has something special for each one of us.

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