Loss of a 3 month old boy , Isaiah

[DdCantThink]

Hi, my name's deedee.

I recently lost my 3 month old son, isaiah. Currently, i'm numb to the world; physical pain isnt as painful, words are just mumbles, and music is just .. a hum.

Whats painful is getting up in the morning to a bright room full of sun. Or taking a shower. Or simply doing nothing. Just hurts. I hate having this much time on my hands and nothing to fill it with.

So i just stare at the tv all day and concentrate on concentrating.

Im only 18. I was one of those "kids" who got pregnant at a young age. Sometimes i forget i'm only 18. I feel 30.

Death isnt a stranger to me either. I lost my alcoholic mother at 5 and my 2 grandmas that i lived with before i could turn 7. Then my father at age 14. He had PTSD.. Then my best uncle in 2010 (he was so sweet to me) and my last grandma in 2012.

Not to mention that we moved every other year to a new city or state. I currently live in georgia and we've been here 3 years. Thats the longest we ever stayed in one area. But of course they moved around 6 times total between 3 housing areas.

So i've had a gloomy life based on my family.. But just when things started to look brighter, my son got snatched right from my arms.

Almost 2 weeks ago my son suffocated in his crib. I was in the room RIGHT next to him! But the door was closed. His father was in the room too. But sometimes he sleeps heavier than usual so he didnt hear him either.

Ifi would have stayed in the room, i would have heard him. I've always been a real light sleeper.

Or if i would have moved him after i got home. i seen him sleeping in the crib on his stomach. I told myself to move him but coron said he JUST went to sleep and i didnt wanna wake him. I figured he'd hear him because he had been napping so i knew he wudnt sleep heavy. But he wanted to sleep that way. He never liked sleepin on his back even as a very newborn. He didnt even like being held like a normal baby! He immediately wanted to sit up and hold his own head up. He loved being propped up in a sitting position! Hed smile and laugh and look all around the room and follow us with his eyes.

I'm rambling i apologize.

Anyway, i just wanted to know how others got through because i have so many thoughts that i dont know how to feel about them.

I have some questions i need answered by someone who's been in my shoes. PLEASE.

P.s i'm kinda slow when it comes to these kind of websites so if you're interested in answering some questions for me or anything i guess my email is ddhatesyu@aol.com (...i'm a nice person, i swear).

Anyway, im not quite sure of the exact point of this website. I just need someone to tell me something, anything to keep me going.

[rachel atkinson]

Hi Deedee

Im sorry for the loss of your son. I too lost my son last september. He was only 4 weeks and 5 days old. I understand the emptiness you feel. Im still on materity from work which feels strange as I feel I have no reason to be at home. Im not sure how ive got by but somehow 4 months have passed since my son died. I didnt think it possible to hurt so much. I started on anti depressants before xmas and i think they have helped make life just about bearable. I think the point of this site is just to let you see you are not alone. I know its easy to feel it when you feel others dont understand what you are going through. Until you loose a child yourself you can not begin to imagine the pain and how hard it is to just keep going.

Take care

[BreathofAngel]

Dearest (((((((Deedee)))))))

Dearheart, I am so very sorry for the loss of your precious son. Truly there are no words that can make better the pain you are going through. When I saw the picture you posted of your son I wanted to reach out and hug him as well as you as I read your account of what happened. I have not lost a child however, I have experienced great loss as well and due to that I know of the pain that inevitably follows. You are a very brave young woman having gone through all of this and I know that you will be given the strength by God to endure. There are many young children who have suffered from this great tragedy and although that may be of little consolation, please know that you are not alone and that there are many angels in Heaven to keep your baby in wonderful company in their loving arms.

I will keep you in my prayers, dear Deedee! I know you will never forget the lovely times you had with your beautiful child as they are a part of you now and will forever live deep within your heart. Embrace the Love that will continue between you and your son for that can never ever end and let your heart be lifted by knowing that after the dark night comes to an end great light and a rainbow will emerge to bring you new hope to get through the next day and then the next. May God bless you always in all ways!

These are websites you may wish to visit.

Bereaved Parents of the USA: http://www.bereavedparentsusa.org/

First Candle: http://www.firstcandle.org/

[Redium]

Really I am very sorry loss of your baby Isaiah.So you have to keep Faith on god.He must be help to you.Dont be loss your energy to remember the past Because what you have lost you must be found in another way.God must help to you.