No where else to turn?

[RunXRun]

I lost my mom on December 6th, so it hasn't been long at all.. her cremation is happening on Monday and we (My dad and I) go to identify her tomorrow.. and I'm having a really hard time with everything. My mom was the most important person in my life and the knowledge that I'm only 20 and have to live the rest of my life without her hurts and I keep thinking about how nothing will ever be the same again. My father is all that my brother and I have now and he's 72 and his health isn't the best so I keep thinking about what happens if he dies and whenever he coughs my heart stops. A part of me just wants to stop living because I want to see her again but I can't do that because she wouldn't want that and my brother needs me. This may be in the wrong place or I might be posting something I'm not suppose to post and if that's the case I'm sorry, but I've tried grieving hotlines and the two that I got through to aren't opened because it's Saturday.

I'm currently in the spot where I don't think things will ever get better and I guess I need reassurance that they will be.

[ModKonnie]

RunXRun,

I am so very sorry about the loss of your mother. For now, try to just get through a little at a time. Don't worry about the bigger picture or the future--you will be okay, but it is going to take some time. Instead, just cry and grieve for your mother. It's okay to cry. You may be feeling angry, anxious, scared, lonely, confused, dazed, shocked, horrified and every other emotion you can think of. You may be experiencing them all at once or they keep changing. All of that is normal.

When my father died, I felt panicky over losing my mother; however, your father will be okay.

We will be here for you. We'd like to hear from you after you go identify her. You can tell us all about it, because we understand how difficult it is going to be. You have lots of people now thinking and caring about you.

ModKonnie

[RunXRun]

Hi Konnie.. thank you for the reply.

I went to identify her today and I'm not sure if it was easier or harder than I had pictured.. I cried off and on before I went, and when I got there we waited for my biological mother to show up and when she didn't, we went in alone (We as in my dad and myself)... My dad took it really hard and we both got what we wanted to say out.. I had to run back in because I forgot to tell my mom something... and then my biological mom showed up (That would by my moms daughter) and then we left (My dad and me)

On the ride home I realized that I had to run back into a room to tell my mom something because after I leave that room..that's it. I'll never by able to tell my moms physical body anything and that really, really hurt but I know she's with me in spirit..It may sound silly but I'm thinking of going to a medium.. hearing someone tell me my mom is okay is needed.. especially since I found out she didn't die peacefully.. that hurts too.

I feel like I'm disrespecting my mom because her other daughter and granddaughter are here right now looking through my moms crystals and I feel like it's too early..? I have no problem with them taking somethings that belonged to my mom but I feel like my mom would be upset that we're doing it so fast.. and that I'm getting rid of my mom. They asked me what I'd like to keep and I can't pick because it hurts too much to know that I have to do something like this.

[ModKonnie]

I am glad you got through the experience, and you can put the identification ordeal in its proper place in your memory. As far as going through your mom's things--that happens all too often. Perhaps you can ask everyone not to do do this ,but I'm not sure if that will work. People have all sorts of reasons and explanations for why they either go through the personal things really fast or never. I'm sure you are feeling a host of emotions as you look through your mom's things.

I'm glad to know you are doing as well as expected. I'm also glad you were able to process and cry. We will continue to be here for you.

ModKonnie

[RunXRun]

I'm honestly not sure where I stand anymore.. one minute I'm there and the next I'm not sure if I can go on. I feel awful for having to tell my dad that I don't think I can make it because I know he worries but I really don't see things getting easier, although I've heard they do.

[ashleyg5983]

I'm so sorry for your loss. Things will get easier. What I did to help me was to not think to far ahead into the future. Just take it a day at a time. I concentrated on making through that day. Sometimes that hour...I believe time heals all wounds. Hope you are taking care of yourself and let us know how you are doing. We care for you. Hugs

[stillfighting431]

I'm so sorry for your loss.Right now you're in shock.So of course you feel like you can't go on.

'jacj 'is right.Stop thinking about the rest of your life without your mom.It'll send you in panic mode.Just concentrate on getting thru an hour or a day at a time.Hang to the rest of your family,your dad & your brother.They're hurting too.You can get thru this with each others help.When my mom passed away over a year ago.I was a basket case.I too couldn't imagine a life without mama.I just wanted to curl up & die.But I knew my mama wouldn't want that.So I hung on to my sis & dad.Together we cry, grieve, remember mama & sometimes even laugh together.It'll get better in time.Your pain will become bearable,although you can't see how right now.Just try to breathe, take care of yourself.Don't start to skip meals.It'll make you weaker,physically & mentally too.Eat whatever you can,whenever you can.Talk to your dad & bro about your feelings.You'll all feel better if you process your grief together & help each other stay.

[Justtobeme2]

I am so sorry for what you've gone through. It's awful. I just lost my dad (no parents now) and I am terribly sad and upset but I decided when I lost my mom that I would not let her or my dad's legacy to be that their passing made me lose my mind. It would be a disservice to all that they sacrificed and did for me to totally fall apart. It's not easy but every time I start breaking down, like now, I say to myself or anyone around me "I am going to be OK it's just going to take some time". Not sure if that helps you or not but perhaps try it, even if you don't think you mean it. I'll tell you one thing it will take a lot of stress off of other family members who are grieving and worrying about you too if they hear you say those words.