Members Silvergirl61 Posted November 3, 2012 Members Report Share Posted November 3, 2012 I wrote a long post, that was too terrible to post. It had to go. I'm having an incredibly bad day, now I know what's bugging me, and you really didn't need to hear all that depressing stuff. Let's just say, I am not looking forward to any of the holidays ahead, and ask if anyone has a suggestion for getting through these "events" that helped keep it together for you. I'd appreciate the advice. Thanks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members caitlyncolfels Posted November 3, 2012 Members Report Share Posted November 3, 2012 i feel the same damn way. i don't even want to go through any of these holidays especially without my loved one too. it's all so horrible and you wonder really, why did this all happen, what's the reasoning behind it all, and i know my matthew passed away 2 weeks ago i will take a long time to try to relax a little on the idea, but im sure you're very sad and empty just like me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members leyla Posted November 3, 2012 Members Report Share Posted November 3, 2012 Awww ladies. I know. My girls 3rd bday is next saturday I dunno how I'm gonna make it. On the 4th it will be exactly a month since I have spoken to him. I am with my sisters now but dread sleep time.. The upcoming holidays is what I dread most. Any advice will be appreciated. Much love to you ladies.. Big hug too Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members clerky96 Posted November 3, 2012 Members Report Share Posted November 3, 2012 It has been 19 days since my life as I knew it ended. The last year was a tough one, but at least I had my husband here and he was doing pretty good until a couple of months ago. Once the decline started, it was like a landslide. Now my family & I must also face the holidays without him. I really don't have any suggestions for you, but I wanted you to know that we all are facing a lot of "firsts" is our lives. I don't understand why I am here and he isn't. To you young people, at 65, we seem incredibly old. But we still loved each other very much. We still did all the things younger people do; we kissed, we hugged, we made love. Now I have to go forward with empty arms and a broken heart. Our family has decided that we will try to make it through the holidays by doing things the way we always did, and hopefully that will make us feel closer to him. It will be a traumatic time, but we all still have each other. He would want us to smile and remember him with love and laughter; not sadness and tears. We will do our best to honor that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members leyla Posted November 3, 2012 Members Report Share Posted November 3, 2012 Its two months sorry.. Still waiting on him... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mdanielson4 Posted November 3, 2012 Members Report Share Posted November 3, 2012 My plan is to cut myself off from the world during the holidays. I will get my Grandkids their presents sent and then hide the rest of the time. I cannot bear to bring others down when I know how much the Holidays means to my family. Well that is my plan, I’m sure it is not going to be a popular one but I don’t know how else to cope.Mike Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members JimboRick Posted November 4, 2012 Members Report Share Posted November 4, 2012 This is a very tough time. Julie passed away in early September, and eveything is hitting at once. My birthday and our son's was in October, hers is Nov. 13, our wedding anniversary is Dec. 2, plus Thanksgiving, Christmas, etc.... Ugh. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators widower2 Posted November 4, 2012 Moderators Report Share Posted November 4, 2012 I wrote a long post, that was too terrible to post. It had to go. I'm having an incredibly bad day, now I know what's bugging me, and you really didn't need to hear all that depressing stuff. Let's just say, I am not looking forward to any of the holidays ahead, and ask if anyone has a suggestion for getting through these "events" that helped keep it together for you. I'd appreciate the advice. Thanks.I wish there was some pat or standard answer SG, but I'm sorry there isn't...your journey is unique and what might work for one of us might not for you. I would say trust your instincts on what you feel best works for you or not and to hell with what anyone else thinks you should do. Not that advice isn't well-intentioned and that aspect of it should be appreciated (that someone cares enough to try and help), but again, they simply don't know; they can't. I have found myself mostly alone at those times - sometimes because I wanted it, sometimes circumstances mandated it, sometimes it just worked out that way whether I wanted it or not. Sometimes it was the best answer, sometimes not. Sorry, I know this probably isn't helping much, but again my point being I think it's something you have to work out for yourself. No easy task, I know. PS re your longer post, feel free to rant if need be. That's one of the good things about a place like this - you can let out things which you might not otherwise be able to, and we all need that at one time or another. Best to you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Silvergirl61 Posted November 5, 2012 Author Members Report Share Posted November 5, 2012 My family has a "tradition" of adding a special ornament to the Tree at my mom's, where we usually gather. I can't bear the thought of it. I just can't. They wanted to know if i had anyhting in mind, or a preference, besides the dragon one of them saw. I don't know how to tell them i just can't do it...not this time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members stargazer5510 Posted November 5, 2012 Members Report Share Posted November 5, 2012 I just found out that I will be alone this year. I don't know how to face that.The first year I don't even remember. I know I spent about 2 weeks in bed. Last year I tried to join in, but it was hollow and underneath I was just angry.I'm just trying not to think about it.My wedding anniversary is in three days. Clerky, thanks for what you said about us old folks still having the relationship we did when we were younger. It's so true. I miss his touch so much. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members llovern Posted November 6, 2012 Members Report Share Posted November 6, 2012 Holidays stink! I will be with family Thanksgiving and Christmas but it will be empty days for me without my husband here. I will try to put on a good face for the others so as not to bring them down. i agree that there just isn't a good answer for how to get through these times. We just have to try to find what works for each of us. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mdanielson4 Posted November 6, 2012 Members Report Share Posted November 6, 2012 I love my family and want them to be happy. I will start getting the Grandkids their presents and make sure I do my part that way but I do not want to have people trying to keep me happy and ruining there Holidays. I feel bad enough; I don’t want that to add to my already terrible feeling of emptiness. I truly want them to enjoy their time together and embrace the family they have made for themselves. My misery does not need to make their Holiday gloom. I love them all. Mike Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jeff's Mom Posted November 6, 2012 Members Report Share Posted November 6, 2012 I just found out that I will be alone this year. I don't know how to face that.The first year I don't even remember. I know I spent about 2 weeks in bed. Last year I tried to join in, but it was hollow and underneath I was just angry.I'm just trying not to think about it.My wedding anniversary is in three days. Clerky, thanks for what you said about us old folks still having the relationship we did when we were younger. It's so true. I miss his touch so much.Stargazer...thinking of you tomorrow. I hope that the memories that you hold dear to your heart will help to give you comfort. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members jpow16 Posted November 13, 2012 Members Report Share Posted November 13, 2012 Planning to spend Thanksgiving and Christmas with with my sister and brother in law in another state, the second holiday season without my wife. These holidays were always a big deal for us--we would dress up and go out for a fancy dinner. Another tradition gone forever. I noticed the local shopping center has already put Christmas decorations on the light poles in the parking lot, and it's only Nov. 12. This is WAY too early for me! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mgilbertson Posted November 18, 2012 Members Report Share Posted November 18, 2012 Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years is too much too soon. I'm lucky to have my grown kids and family with me but still can't believe it's going to be without their father and my husband Scott. How do people go on???? My heart is hurting so much today just thinking about it and wondering how we'll get through. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mdanielson4 Posted November 18, 2012 Members Report Share Posted November 18, 2012 Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years is too much too soon. I'm lucky to have my grown kids and family with me but still can't believe it's going to be without their father and my husband Scott. How do people go on???? My heart is hurting so much today just thinking about it and wondering how we'll get through.I agree this is going to be overwhelming to take on this Holiday season. When people have been asking me what are you doing for Thanksgiving I tell them I am going to hide. Not a popular answer at the least, everyone wants so desperately to offer their home and family because they know I have nobody here. I cannot do that because I suspect my thoughts for the day will be with my wife. Not that I want to say no thank you to their offers but I just don’t want to bring down everyone around me. Maybe it would be easier if it was family or close friends but I am not that close to anyone here. I certainly understand how you are feeling too much to soon. I think of this a lot also and it tears me up. This season was so special to Mary. She always made it special for everyone around her. She held this family together and I really don’t know how to fill the responsibility she left for me. Mike Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members fitgal Posted November 18, 2012 Members Report Share Posted November 18, 2012 I'm dreading the holidays, too. We had awesome plans for us and the kids. And I'm getting Christmas catalogs in the mail about decorating the home and I just want to crawl into a hole. But I can't because I have 4 kids. And I have to go back to work. I don't want to do that either. I see people around me holding hands, especially older people and it makes me upset. Lee and are supposed to do that. But he is gone, and I'm here alone without him... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members DJCCHV Posted November 21, 2012 Members Report Share Posted November 21, 2012 It's horrible! Absolutely horrible.! I could spend who hours just sitting here bellowing "I WANT MY STEVE!" with tears running down my face. But eventually, my system just gets plain old tired and won't let me go on with that. I resent old couples, too. Steve was only 57! We should have had lots of more years. I HATE the commercials for life alert and that sort of thing. How the #$%^ were we supposed to know he should have it at 57?! I also want to just sleep through the holiday. Someone invited me to their Thanksgiving dinner since I have no family nearby. I knew better than to say no, but I felt embarrased. They know I'm mourning and that it's giving me a hard time at the moment. I know my Steve would have wanted me to go. He often talked about how you had to be willing to accept kindmesses from people. I thought that since it has been nearly 9 months that I might be reasonably OK. I'm not. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members fitgal Posted November 21, 2012 Members Report Share Posted November 21, 2012 It's horrible! Absolutely horrible.! I could spend who hours just sitting here bellowing "I WANT MY STEVE!" with tears running down my face. But eventually, my system just gets plain old tired and won't let me go on with that. I resent old couples, too. Steve was only 57! We should have had lots of more years. I HATE the commercials for life alert and that sort of thing. How the #$%^ were we supposed to know he should have it at 57?! I also want to just sleep through the holiday. Someone invited me to their Thanksgiving dinner since I have no family nearby. I knew better than to say no, but I felt embarrased. They know I'm mourning and that it's giving me a hard time at the moment. I know my Steve would have wanted me to go. He often talked about how you had to be willing to accept kindmesses from people. I thought that since it has been nearly 9 months that I might be reasonably OK. I'm not.I resent old couples, too! I went through a horrible divorce only to discover Lee and he was WONDERFUL to me and my 4 children. I dread tomorrow. Lee should be here!! Yesterday I screamed my head off in the car because I was aching so badly for him. It's not fair that he isn't here. I don't even want to think about Christmas. Everyday feels like major anguish and emptiness. A Lee-shaped hole in my heart and soul. I want Lee here! I'm so heartbroken he is not. Life isn't fair, it's been cruel. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members val Posted November 21, 2012 Members Report Share Posted November 21, 2012 It is horrible for me right now. Jerry is gone but five months. I feel dead inside. I don't care about the holidays, that is selfish of me i know - that i can't even fake it for my family's sake, but i just can't, fake it that is. i will go there and heed the call. i'd rather just sleep through the whole thing. sorry, i have no words of inspiration at this point. i hate this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Silvergirl61 Posted November 26, 2012 Author Members Report Share Posted November 26, 2012 Made it through Thanksgiving. My nephew cooked on Thursday, and we all got together here on Saturday. It was ok.. not great, but ok. I went back to work this morning...and I realized.. I really don't want to work there, any more, not ever again. It was ok to see some of my co-workers..but it also made me realize just how bad that location has gotten. Many of them told me that they didn't even know about what had happened until weeks afterward..seems our management team thought it would be too much of a distraction to the business at hand, with inventory coming up, to put out the announcement for the memorial service on the bulletin board, so they didn't , nor did they put out a card for the employees to sign. Our new manager decided that those kind of personal things need to stay out of the workplace. I think I am going to turn in my resignation in the next few days, and go do something else, unless I can transfer to another location. I just don't think I care to work for someone who has that little regard for other people, much less use my skills to get her ahead in her career. Not sure what happened to our company..but think it's going to hell in a handbasket. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members nancy7282 Posted November 26, 2012 Members Report Share Posted November 26, 2012 Hi all,Haven't been on at all lately....just having such a hard time right now. My husband has been gone almost 4 months, and it really seems like it's been forever. I hated Thanksgiving...went out to eat just to change things,but that didn't really help me. Does anything help at all?? The sadness I have is just incredible. I feel so bad most of the time, I can't imagine helping anyone else. Does this ever get better? And Silvergirl---I would resign too......Nancy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members DarkDungeon Posted November 26, 2012 Members Report Share Posted November 26, 2012 Silver,Im upset with my job as well. Is this your first day back? My job always does cards when anyone dies and the whole crew signs them. I've signed so many cards for lost grandmothers, fathers, etc. when my 29 year old bf died 6 werks ago, i told them what happened and nobody spread the word and I got no card. I got a few hugs when I came back.. One coworker asked me why I just moved in with my sister and have a much longer commute (4 hours a day now). I told her its because of what happened with my boyfriend and she said, "you guys broke up??" I realized my bosses had not told anybody, which is so uncomfortable. I don't know who knows and who doesn't, but I know it's a massive pink elephant. I hate it so much because I want to tell everyone all about him but I know it'll release the floods. I feel like when I'm there I am forced to act like nothing happened and just go on with the to-do list I left off with, it's horrible. As for quitting, I'm going to wait a few weeks until I am hopefully in a more sane condition before making big changes. The worst part is that my boyfriend always encouraged me to quit my job- "if you're not happy, then walk away and find whatever it is that'll make you happy." i decided it was him and his free spirit which made me happy which is why I was supposed to quit and move in with him next weekend. Now that he's gone, I'm stuck in the same place he was supposed to whisk me away from- just walking backwards it feels now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members DarkDungeon Posted November 26, 2012 Members Report Share Posted November 26, 2012 General question to all:When people (especially coworkers) ask, "how was your weekend/thanksgiving/etc." what am I supposed to say??? I'm thinking they're trying to assess my grief? Like if I said "it was amazing!" they might think, "oh good- she's better." What I want to say: "absolutely miserable in every way. Everything is consistently miserable."What I say usually: "it was ok. Hanging in." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators widower2 Posted November 27, 2012 Moderators Report Share Posted November 27, 2012 ..seems our management team thought it would be too much of a distraction to the business at hand, with inventory coming up, to put out the announcement for the memorial service on the bulletin board, so they didn't , nor did they put out a card for the employees to sign. Our new manager decided that those kind of personal things need to stay out of the workplace. I think I am going to turn in my resignation in the next few days, and go do something else, unless I can transfer to another location. I just don't think I care to work for someone who has that little regard for other people, much less use my skills to get her ahead in her career. Not sure what happened to our company..but think it's going to hell in a handbasket.amen to that on all counts. If you can afford to go elsewhere I would - and wow would I love to give these low-lifes a piece of my mind - sadly so-called "management" treating employees like disposable resources vs people is increasingly common.Wishing all of you the best in getting through this difficult time...... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Silvergirl61 Posted November 27, 2012 Author Members Report Share Posted November 27, 2012 Just a bad day. I don't even want to read this stuff. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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