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Kelly

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angelsonearth

My Husband passed away Dec. 15, 2007. And I miss him so much, we were married 31 years this May It would of been 31 years May of 2008. Today it has been 3 months, since he passed away, and it doesn't seem like it is getting any easier yet, like everyone keeps telling me. I feel like part of me died to. We had never been apart at all.  He had cancer since 2005. I love him so much, he was always so good to me. We always told each other I love you, and he would say he loved me gooder, jokenly. and then he'd smile.  He kept a smile on his face all the time no matter how bad he felt. Things are so different now and lonely to.I will always love Him with all of my heart. I just pray that he knew how much I love him and miss him  I am new to this site , I just wanted to talk to someone who understands what it feels like when you are going through this.  Sometimes other people seem like they get tired of you talking about your own life.

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Angel, My husband also died after a cancer battle. In some ways I think it brought us closer. And I think they know how much we love them and miss them. But to them it will just seem like a second until we're back together. That saying "better to have loved and lost then never to have loved at all" used to make me mad but as time goes on I am finding out that it is so true. No one can take away what we had. And eventually the memories that hurt now become a comfort. It takes awhile so don't give up. There is no magic...you have to go through all the hurt to come out on the other side even though right not I'm sure it seems like you never will. It will be 2 yrs. for me in July and I am much better than I was a year ago but I still miss Rod every day. I think I always will no matter what happens. But the pain is softer and I can deal with life again. I hope this helps. Mary Jo

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angelsonearth

MaryJo,

Thankyou, My husband had two different cancers and the doctors always said they did not know how he was hanging in there has long has he did. He went through so much in the last three years. What bothers me most is I was right by his side all this time and at the last I had to answer the telephone and that is when he passed away and I wanted to be there holding his hand, I feel so guilty for not being there that moment I just had walked out of our bedroom for one minute.

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It's ok. I know about the guilt. I was in the same room but I fell asleep because I was so exhausted. Rod had been moaning all night and the silence woke me up. His chest was still moving but I knew he was gone. The hardest thing I've ever done in my life was turn the oxygen machine off. (He was at home under hospice care.) There is a book called Final Gifts written by hospice people which made me feel a lot better about the situation. You may want to look for it. MJ

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angelsonearth

Today is Sunday and I've been listening to a tape my husband had made of his band and I am so thankful I found it this morning it has him playing lead guitar and singing with him and his band I have cried all morning I miss him so so much, it is good to hear his voice He really loved music. Before he passed away he was really hurting and he always loved to hear George Jones so I went to the web sight and told them the situation, I was hoping he would come and see Arvie but he couldn't but anyway he did send a card to Arvie and signed it, Well My husband eyes just lit up and he smiled so big, I'll never forget that morning. I don't know if it is a real signature or not but it made my husband feel better and that was all that really mattered to me anyway, He thought it was real anyway. And that was what counted. God, if I could just hold him and tell him I loved him one more time.

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ruby1983christine

I miss and loved my companion but u have to ask urself do u want them back in his condition ?

i did the same thing with my sweet man he loved music too i made him a tape of me singing he use too love to hear me sing, i made him, he wanted too always play with his lap top computer he lit up and that was important to see him smile but under all that pain he was trying to hide, didn"t want to let me know ? he would for get hurting for a few moments but the cancer was there.

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ruby1983christine

my companion knew i couldn't handle it if he died @ home, he was under hospice too. but i did most of there work they didn't think he was as bad as he was until i called them and told them he his health changed, they was a 130 mins away from us, they told me what to do over the phone, i did what i could but his breathing was really bad the oxygen machine wasn't doing any good he couldn't breathe, his eyes was changeing and i knew something was going wrong, he knew enough to say hospital and I called the ambulance where i said my good-byes to him because i had a feeling he wasn't going to come back, he didn't he lived 4 hours after he got to the hospital he wanted to go on he was so tired of dealing with what he was dealing with, i went by his wishes, let him go instead of keeping him

on a machine.

but the images still stay in my mind all the time, it will drive u crazy some time?

i loved him more then anything the world but i know now he isn't hurting any more.

i lost a lot of sleep but did what u did i stayed beside him and slept some but i did feel bad about going to sleep i was so tired but i didn't want to loose him either but i knew i was going to @ anytime, it still doesn't stop the pain.

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ruby1983christine

i understand full well i always feared he would die while i wasn't in the room but don't beat urself up he knew u loved him a lot and that means a lot.

i was able to hold mine, tell him how much i loved him, i told him "Go be with "Jesus" because he wasn't mentally all there anymore he was in a comma he knew i was there for a little while, he felt me holding him, i know that and he just went to sleep, Harrison started off with one cancer considered , when he died he had pancreatic cancer on top of his esphogeaus cancer that was supose to take his life, he struggled for 7 months until he passed away but he had another cancer on top of it, phneumonia .

i will miss him a lot, know he isn't hurting any more.

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Dear Members,

We are excited to mention that we are moving to a more new and improved message boards on MONDAY MORNING AUGUST 9th! The boards will be done for a few hours while we are making the conversation. Remember we posted information about this move a month ago. For some of you this might seem a bit sudden,  but when we were reviewing the site we determined the current message board you are using is out of date and the company that designed it is no longer in existence. The good news is this new message board will have new features that have been requested in the past like more fields we can add to your profiles and a chat room up to 20 people at one time. If we find the chat room is bursting at the seams we will add additional room for extra people. All your old posts, private messages and such will be migrated to the new message board. You might have to put up your profile picture again but not sure. The new company will be doing the migration for us. Here is a short list of some of the new features on the board:

- Custom Profile Fields

- Users can customize their profile pages by selecting a background color or background image, with tiling options.

- Facebook and Twitter Integration

- users can respond to multiple posts at once with "mini-quote"

- Pinned discussion threads - like welcome to our board etc.

- Announcements made across some boards or the entire message board

- Search: Users can easily find all content generated by a particular member, by clicking the 'Find Content' button that appears on the main profile page, or in the Mini Profile Popup which can be accessed throughout the board. The results page allows content to be filtered by application, as well whether the member created it or merely participated in it.

- Privacy: allows users to sign in anonymously, hiding them from the online users list. Users also have the option to disable personal conversations and user-to-user emails, as well as ignore other users if necessary.

The next exciting piece of news about the new message board is it will have a new domain name of www.grieving.com for search engine optimization purposes. It will still be apart of Beyond Indigo and can be found through www.beyondindigo.com. We will be redirecting your current URL's to this new domain name but we might miss a few. If that is the case simply go back to www.grieving.com or www.beyondindigo.com to find your message board thread. We will try to make the transition as seamless as possible.

The bottom line is the new board will give us room to grow our community and more options to interact better with each other.

If you have any questions please direct them to feedback@beyondindigo.com.

Kelly Baltzell, MA

CEO/President

Beyond Indigo Family

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