The loss of my Baby Brother

[b.carlin0192@yahoo.com]

Hello everyone,

My name is Brittney I am 20 and I decided to join a support group because I am having trouble coping with the loss of my brother. My brother name is CJ. he was born on november 5, 2001. When he was born he had alot of medical proublems as a infant. As a fetus he grew a peice of skin in his urethra which would not let him recycle the amniotic fluid. So ultimantly it damaged his kindneys and bladder. The doctors said he was not going to make it that his condition was to servier and wanted my mom to take him off life support which she refused. CJ went threw sugery and started making improvement and he finally came home. even though he was healthy enough to come he still wasnt out of the wood so to speak he went threw many other diffrent sugerys and survived all. but on his last sugery the doctors deyhdrated him before he even got to his surgery. He passed on March 24, 2005. 20 days after my 13th birthday.

I have so much guilt I have been living with everyday. The morning he left for Riley I wanted to go so bad i begged my mom to go. But she told me No i had to go to school and that I would be coming up the day after his surgury. And when he left that morning it was the last time I saw him and I beat myself up everyday that I didnt go I feel like I should of been there to protect him and that I should have known something was wrong. I also so guilty because he wanted to go every where I went he always wanted to be in my room with me and I would always throw a fit and didnt want to take him with me i should have been a better sister to him. I have so much greif and guilt that I have no idea what to do with it. When my Brother died it tore my family apart. My mom is in her own greif that I really cant talk to her about this because I dont want my feelings to upset her more. CJ was my only sibling so I dont have other siblings to relate to. Me and my step dad has never been close he was always very abbusive to me and my mom and brother. I barley speak to my aunts and uncles due to a arguement between them and my mom. I have a friends but no one that can relate to me and my feelings. Only thing the can do is sit and listen. I am so greatful for that but I want to talk to people who can relate to me and my feelings. I feel like Im all alone. its like my greif and the guilt and just missing him is taking over my life. When he passed I was 13 so I never really delt with this but now that Im older Its like it is hitting me 10 times harder and now its almost unbareable. I feel so sad all the time. Ive tryed talking to theropists but i quit going because it wasnt helping me. I feel like they are sitting in there chair acrossed the room and judging me. i just want to meet people who are like me and are feeling the same way. people i can relate to. I am hoping this helps me im feeling like this is my last thing to try to help me cope.

[lindsaygirl1984]

Brittney I am so sorry for your loss. I also lost my little brother. It was quite a different situation but the loss of a sibling is terribly hard to deal with. My brother passed just a little over a year ago and I am still in shock/denial to an extent. I do not have any magic way to make it get easier, but I can offer you my support. If you ever want to get something off of your chest feel free to contact me. My email is lthodos@hotmail.com. Maybe we can learn some coping skills together.

Hello everyone,

My name is Brittney I am 20 and I decided to join a support group because I am having trouble coping with the loss of my brother. My brother name is CJ. he was born on november 5, 2001. When he was born he had alot of medical proublems as a infant. As a fetus he grew a peice of skin in his urethra which would not let him recycle the amniotic fluid. So ultimantly it damaged his kindneys and bladder. The doctors said he was not going to make it that his condition was to servier and wanted my mom to take him off life support which she refused. CJ went threw sugery and started making improvement and he finally came home. even though he was healthy enough to come he still wasnt out of the wood so to speak he went threw many other diffrent sugerys and survived all. but on his last sugery the doctors deyhdrated him before he even got to his surgery. He passed on March 24, 2005. 20 days after my 13th birthday.

I have so much guilt I have been living with everyday. The morning he left for Riley I wanted to go so bad i begged my mom to go. But she told me No i had to go to school and that I would be coming up the day after his surgury. And when he left that morning it was the last time I saw him and I beat myself up everyday that I didnt go I feel like I should of been there to protect him and that I should have known something was wrong. I also so guilty because he wanted to go every where I went he always wanted to be in my room with me and I would always throw a fit and didnt want to take him with me i should have been a better sister to him. I have so much greif and guilt that I have no idea what to do with it. When my Brother died it tore my family apart. My mom is in her own greif that I really cant talk to her about this because I dont want my feelings to upset her more. CJ was my only sibling so I dont have other siblings to relate to. Me and my step dad has never been close he was always very abbusive to me and my mom and brother. I barley speak to my aunts and uncles due to a arguement between them and my mom. I have a friends but no one that can relate to me and my feelings. Only thing the can do is sit and listen. I am so greatful for that but I want to talk to people who can relate to me and my feelings. I feel like Im all alone. its like my greif and the guilt and just missing him is taking over my life. When he passed I was 13 so I never really delt with this but now that Im older Its like it is hitting me 10 times harder and now its almost unbareable. I feel so sad all the time. Ive tryed talking to theropists but i quit going because it wasnt helping me. I feel like they are sitting in there chair acrossed the room and judging me. i just want to meet people who are like me and are feeling the same way. people i can relate to. I am hoping this helps me im feeling like this is my last thing to try to help me cope.